Being unwell is easier for a sahp than a childless FT worker

[malterbitty]

I was just chatting to a friend on a group WhatsApp. We've both got the flu and we're having a good moan about how hard it is. She's basically said what a hero she is for going to work regardless and I have it easier because I only have to look after a 2 year old at home. Am I BU for being a bit annoyed?

I told her I don't get the luxury of sitting over a bowl of Vicks, and she's said of course I can, I can just leave my toddler to play on his own (he will not play on his own).

I would find it easier to go to work personally, but maybe I'm being unreasonable.

Beetlejizz is correct. I was just about to add. According to recent info, children have flu every couple of years and adults over 30 every 5 years. It just hits some harder than others. I imagine we have built up immunity to certain strains and we only get it full blown if we have no immunity. Whether or not either or both of you have flu is irrelevant though.

Juneybean A couple of times when i've woken up with a migraine DH has taken a half day off and gone in at lunchtime. DH boss has been sympathetic to him saying DW will take medicine and I'll come in as soon as its kicked in (in a few hours I go from lying in bed with eyes shut trying not to vomit to lying on the sofa with cbeebies on and am able to make sandwiches)

Has anyone mentioned ill SAHM plus ill toddler yet? Surely that 'wins'

I’d just ignore her. If she hasn’t got kids she’s got no idea how offensive what she’s just said is. Never mind the thinking that being a SAHP is something you can ‘take a day off from’ just because you are ill. At least in FT employment that’s an option (and you normally get paid for it!) What are you meant to do? Let your toddler fend for himself so you can spend the day in bed? Maybe one day she’ll have kids and realise what a tw*ttish comment she made to you!

Firstly...your friend has a cold. Tell her to woman up and stop whingeing.
Secondly..she sounds very like a (dwindling) friend of mine. Totally self absorbed.
And we've had the exact same discussion before! She also has no kids, and constantly makes snide remarks about me being able to take daytime naps etc etc.
I think they must have a lot of inward negativity and green grass envy. Ignore them. Just smile and say oh dear...hope you are over your cold soon

She doesn’t understand toddlers - may be one day she will and you can remind her of her foolishness, until then she’s not going to get it

definitely easier to go to work. My husband tells me so as he heads off out the door leaving me home either sick myself or with sick kids.

Thanks for the views. I just won't engage with it. I suspect the sickness is making her extra moody and mine is making me feel sensitive. It's not a big deal really. Just wondered if other people get this too.

Dc is currently dragging a chair across the room and has destroyed a pile of neatly folded ironing which I should have had the common sense to put away days ago.

This shall pass!

She sounds awful - like the worst kind of competitive martyr. I recommend a) ignoring her and b) praying she doesn't have children, as it brings out the absolute worst in people with those kinds of tendencies...

I am a sahm. I have not had any time off ill in 12 years apart from 2 recent hospital admissions. My DH got a bad cold the other week. Spent 2 days in bed. I had similar just before. Still had to get up at 6am prepare DC’s lunches, walk dogs, do housework, drive 40mins to late DF’s house to check/sort, do 2 hr school pick up, prepare DC’s evening meals, DH meal, assist DS with homework. I recall when DCs were younger, cleaning up toddler pee with a temperature of 38C. Desperate for DH to return at 7pm so I could lie down. Oops I lied, I didn’t make DH’s tea.

I am a sahm i have 2 children with sen 6 and 3 years old and i am pregnant. When i had the flu in january dh had to take time off there was no way i was able to look after them safely.

True flu leaves you housebound if not bedbound.

It is easier. You don't have to get dressed, commute, sit in a meeting etc etc. Of course it's tricky with a small child but biscuits and Peppa Pig usually did the trick.

It depends on the job and the child, but generally I'd say that being ill while in care of a child or children is one of the worst aspects of parenting.

Having said which, it doesn't sound like either of you actually have flu! I've had flu twice in my life and literally couldn't get out of bed for days. But a really bad cold can make you feel like death so huge sympathies (to you both!) - get well soon.

ROFL - every stay at home parent has done that thing where you're feeling to terrible that you barracade yourself and the toddler in a safe room, with whatever snacks for the kid you can find, put on cbeebies and try to rest without actually falling asleep - haven't they?

I miss the days of being able to just look after myself.

I've been sick enough that DP's taken the day off work before - sometimes it's just not safe.

@malterbitty, take a deep breath! Is there an activity your dc can do which engages them for a length of time? When my (adhd) boy (then 2) was at home and I was ill, I'd tip all the train track in the middle of the room and he'd hyper-focus on it to the exclusion of anything else. Was enough to give me a break from him being overly demanding. Dd1 was old enough to entertain herself (4) a bit better and Dts would be out in a large travel cot/play pen so they were safe with a few toys.

And regarding the comments on curling up while the toddlers watch TV. That is very much dependant on the child. As parents we have never relied on TV or electronic devices, which has its benefits of course, but some kids just need more hands on interaction than others. My first child was quite easy going, would sit and play for a while. Youngest child..different ball game altogether. We since discovered she has a really high IQ, but the downside was a constant need for interaction.. explanation..and dedication!
I had a throat abcess one year, and I cried I felt so ill and exhausted. DH just didn't get it. Until I ended up in hospital having it drained... He had to take time off work, and had to admit he was surprised how hard he found it!
Every child is different...and curling up in bed with peppa pig on replay, is just not an option for some.

Has anyone mentioned ill SAHM plus ill toddler yet? Surely that 'wins' grin

Ah yes, I have a 'fond' memory of lying on the settee with toddler DS2, both of us feeling ropey, watching TV. He makes a little groan, crawls up my body a bit to look at me intensely, then throws up on my face..

Or DS1, who was a master of getting sick absolutely everywhere but the sick bowl. I'd tell him to be sick in the bowl, he would feel that he was going to be sick, forget that, and panic because he didn't want to get sick in the bowl in case I was cross...

Not that you would. But imagine the laugh you could have when she does have flu and a small child . I'd call that a yes dear (head pat) moment.

I have been a ft employee and a sahm I'd take the ft work and being poorly anyday. Granted I had a child while working ft but my shifts were 7am-8pm or 7:30pm-7:30am so dd was either at school or in bed either shift of my shifts. It was easier as I could collapse in bed for a few hours take what I needed to and rest. I do also have an amazing partner who helps extra when I need her to. I can remember being really poorly when dd was a baby and I wasn't with my partner. I literally couldn't get out of bed and had to put dd in her cot next to me with peppa pig reruns on all day. Felt very guilty ☹️

Once upon a time I would have agreed with her.

Now I have two small children. Being ill with small children is what actual hell must be like.

I no longer agree with her.

I've been both and trying to entertain a toddler while feeling like death is way harder than sitting at a desk not talking to anyone

Why are you assuming everyone who isn't a sahp has a desk job? For example, how do you think teachers cope when they are getting over the flu, have a migraine, etc? Would you rather be ill at home with 1 kid and a TV or ill at work having to teach 30? I give training to adults at 6 different offices per day and I can assure you being at home entertaining a toddler is easier when ill. We don't all have office jobs!

I wouldn't waste your time worrying about who has it harder.

Tell her nobody likes a Mucous Trooper.

My comeback to her would be “if you can get yourself in to your workplace, it’s not flu.”

I’ve had flu twice in my life. Once when my family where young, I genuinely thought I was dying.
The second time many years later when I lived alone. That time I wished I would just die as I had nobody to bring me a drink and it hurt too much to actually get out of bed. Even going to the bathroom for a wee was just so much effort.

So really, the one who has it worse is the person who has no partner or mother etc to nurse them.

gosh on my list of things that I miss about my pre-child life was the ability to be ill in peace. Its pretty much the only thing I miss.

My post got cut short. Going to work ill as a teacher is tough, caring for toddlers ill is worse! Probably not worth worrying too much about the comparison though, as I don’t think I ‘got’ how hard work they were 24/7 until I had my own. She probably isn’t meaning to be goady, she probably is utterly clueless!!