Being unwell is easier for a sahp than a childless FT worker

[malterbitty]

I was just chatting to a friend on a group WhatsApp. We've both got the flu and we're having a good moan about how hard it is. She's basically said what a hero she is for going to work regardless and I have it easier because I only have to look after a 2 year old at home. Am I BU for being a bit annoyed?

I told her I don't get the luxury of sitting over a bowl of Vicks, and she's said of course I can, I can just leave my toddler to play on his own (he will not play on his own).

I would find it easier to go to work personally, but maybe I'm being unreasonable.

I think it depends on your job. Being able to sit quietly at a desk is easier. Having to be outside in bad weather dealing with difficult public members was way harder when I was ill.

I know logic says to entertain him with the TV, but he's visually impaired and has to stand cms away from the screen. I don't think it will do his already limited eyesight much good.

Really does seem like competitive hard done by-ness. Can't you accept that she's also feeling like shit and has had to drag her self into work, just like you've had to drag yourself out of bed to look after your child?

This thread does seem to work on the old MN assumption that most jobs are office based and not very important. There are a myriad of reasons why people might have to work while feeling ill. In my case it was because the project I was leading was just about to go tits and if I wasn't there to visit the site and sort out the issue then no one else would and the end result would have been pretty expensive for the tax payer.

Getting up, dressed, made up and hair done, enduring a 2 hour commute to work, dealing with clients and colleagues, site visits, emails, deadlines and other demands, before another 2 hour commute home is more stressful than spending a day slobbing around at home with even the most denominations toddler.

Denomic not denominations

She is being u becuase if she actually has flu she should call in sick! Both because you can't do a job with flu and so as not to share with her colleagues. If it's a bad cold she's being dramatic by calling it flu.

If you are a sahm you can't ring in sick unless your dp (if you have one) is able to take the day off and look after you / your child. So being a sahm is harder.

If it's a bad cold both have to carry on feeling bad so it might be much of a muchness .

I have DC and very sedentary office based job and I would rather be at home with kids then go to work if I was ill. Yes kids need attention but you can mostly switch your brain off for the day and there is no commute to deal with. That’s not to say looking after kids is brainless but it’s easier to autopilot through my day with kids then to have to do complicated analysis or programming that needs my full attention. Being ill either way sucks though lots of sympathy all round is needed.

She obviously doesn't have flu then. I've just had it and couldn't actually lift my head from the pillow, had an awful temperature and was shaking violently because I felt so cold - just a few of the delights.

I work part time and so could send dd to her childminder on the days I was off work but the hour with her in the morning before the CM collected her was brutal. On my non working days I thought I was going to die. It might be easier if you have a toddler who is having a good day/happy to get on and play etc, but if you have a toddler who is having a clingy or difficult day you're screwed. You're screwed if they're just sitting there - you can't sleep, you still have to move to feed them/give naps. It's brutal.

I never would have managed to get into work with flu though. But you don't have a choice as a sahp. When I was working full time I had something similar I went in with full blown cold/aches etc. I managed about three quarters of the day before I came home when I developed a temperature and was sweating and out of breath each time I moved. But I managed to get in and the day was infinitely easier by comparison, although as I say it wasn't flu.

Going to work ill is easier. You get a break...an actual break. At home with a toddler it can be relentless.

Your friend doesn't have a clue. Silently know that.

There's nothing harder or more exhausting than being really, really ill in sole charge of a small child!

Not so fond memories of being bashed on the head with a plastic sword as I threw up over and over again... Or being physically unable to get off the loo while I could hear DS rampaging and yelling downstairs... Or when I fainted and my toddler just stepped over me and sat down to watch his DVD!

Ha! Being ill will small children is truly awful! I’d much rather be at work! At least at work you could just go home and go to bed!

I second *Roomba. I had HG in my second pregnancy when ds1 was 10 months old and I had to look after him with a bucket next to me so I could repeatedly vomit into it. It was truly awful and I shudder remembering it.

Depends entirely on the job, and also on the type of child. Ive done both, and they're both shit! Having to go into work ill is all well and good if you're sitting at a desk typing emails and drinking lemsip all day, but not if you've got 181928829 different project deadlines to be working on which you aren't able to call in sick on. Equally, being at home looking after a child when you're ill is easy if they're easily entertained and can be plonked in front of the TV whilst you have a duvet day, but harder if they've got additional needs

Have not rtwt but as a childless FT worker I reckon I have it much easier than a sahp when ill. I can take time off and just sleep! And I can't stand hero types who insist on staggering into the office to spread their germs. If something's absolutely mega critical I can do the minimum on a laptop at home.

A sahp gets no time off though! to those ill at home with kids

Would love to see if she changes her mind when she had kids!

You could take a nap with them, lie down and basically do what you want, in what ways is that harder than going to work?

Does anyone have toddlers like this? Older kids, maybe. I can count on one hand how many naps I’ve had in the last 18 months! One of my twins could injure himself in a padded cell. When you’re so sick you literally can’t move, looking after toddlers is impossible. But sure, if you have a child who’ll sit happily in front of CBeebies from wake up to bedtime then I guess it would be okay.

Fancy - I too do not have one of these toddlers, however I have experienced them and can confirm they actually exist .

This is why I always find threads like this so interesting. Children are so different in nature and I think as parents even though we know this, we can't help but imagine that what's possible with one toddler should be possible with another. I have a toddler that doesn't like TV/films and struggles to play independently hence needs pretty much constant interaction. I could not snuggle up or nap or even have any quiet time whatsoever with her around. I know this for certain as I have tried so many times to try and achieve this and have failed spectacularly. I have even begged her to watch Disney films and attempted cbeebies marathons for it all to end after 10 minutes. Needless to say I would opt for working FT when ill!

I was ill before christmas i would say flu had no voice hardly move etc i had to go into work. Selfish!? No because my place have such a strict sickness policy i could loose my job! So yeah i could be home with a kid versus being here!

Most of my co-workers who have gotten the flu this year were knocked on their ass for a week, even one of them who had only called in sick twice in the previous 3 years.

I don't have the flu but do have a nasty cold atm and I think I'm lucky I have it now and not after baby is born next month.

I don't think it's selfish to go in if not going in means you'd be fired.

It is silly though when people who aren't in that situation and have time off available to go in just to make a lame point of some sort.

it is unquestionably easier to go to work/have a day off without a child than it is to be a SAHP with a child and be ill. your friend surely must be a GF if she can't work this out.

Like I say, bit of a cold/headache etc, being at home with kids is tricky but manageable.

If you actually have flu or something that really makes it impossible for you to function, looking after toddlers is utterly impossible unless you have a miraculous toddler who will care for themselves.

When I had sinusitis with severe vertigo, I couldn’t move without falling down. I definitely couldn’t lift my toddlers, I couldn’t change them, I couldn’t cook them meals - I literally couldn’t look after them on my own.

Of course, if your friend was too sick to function / look after a child then she wouldn’t be able to get to work so it’s sort of moot!

And of course, if what you have is contagious then there’s a good chance your toddler(s in my case!) are sick too, and looking after sick kids when you’re sick is bloody horrendous.

1. if she can make it to work, it’s not the flu
2. her colleagues will hate her for giving them whatever non-flu lurgy she has
3. she has the option of staying at home in bed totally undisturbed, a sahm can’t exactly do that

She really doesn’t have a clue!

She can't possibly have flu if she's managing work. Much harder entertaining a child than working!! She can sit at her desk with a cuppa. I work part time, the days at home with toddlers are definitely more challenging, non stop and tiring than the work days.

She is completely unreasonable. It's so hard looking after a small child when you are ill, the day drags and you just feel exhausted. You can't just leave a toddler to entertain themselves, how ridiculous. She has no idea. I would much rather drag my sick self into work than sit at home in my house with a toddler to look after, feed, amuse and keep safe.

Me and DS both had flu the week before last, DS is special needs (non verbal, learning difficulties etc) we both had the flu jab too.
He came home from school very poorly on the Friday, by Sunday I was knocked down with it.
We literally spent a week on the sofa under a duvet, not washing, not eating, not talking, just drinking sips of water, sleeping and taking meds.
I thank god that DS and I had it at the same time as there is absolutely no way I could have cared for him had he been well and me poorly.
Nearly 3 weeks on and I still have a hacking cough and don't feel right.
Neither of you have flu.

Roomba I've been there too with a toddler! It's not fun.
Bet nobody puts that on Facebook #makingmemories when they are vomming into the toilet while a toddler is climbing all over their back