Being unwell is easier for a sahp than a childless FT worker

[malterbitty]

I was just chatting to a friend on a group WhatsApp. We've both got the flu and we're having a good moan about how hard it is. She's basically said what a hero she is for going to work regardless and I have it easier because I only have to look after a 2 year old at home. Am I BU for being a bit annoyed?

I told her I don't get the luxury of sitting over a bowl of Vicks, and she's said of course I can, I can just leave my toddler to play on his own (he will not play on his own).

I would find it easier to go to work personally, but maybe I'm being unreasonable.

She's being unreasonable for treating it like a competition. And the question of which is easier depends on many things, like what kind of job she has and number of children / ages etc.

But in general, of course it's easier to be home when you're sick, even if you have children to look after. You just relax the usual rules (if you have them), make sure the room you're in with them is as baby proofed as possible, and stick on the TV for them while you doze on the sofa. In your pajamas, without worrying about what you look like close to your own bathroom and home comforts. Only about a million times easier than getting through a workday when you feel very sick.

Though I agree with others that if she's that sock, she should be at home on the sofa too.

Good lord, people without kids are so clueless sometimes aren’t they?

The times where I’ve been really properly ill since the twins were born have been horrific - one bout of sinusitis with vertigo where I couldn’t move, and a scratched retina where I had to use dilating drops and felt so ill it was unbelievable (on top of the usual coughs and colds). Depending on your job, going to work is a piece of piss in comparison, not least because you get to properly rest and sleep outside of work, and if you’re too sick you can go home. No matter how sick I am, there’s no “calling in sick” and going back to bed.

Well I think it's really depends.

If I have a heavy cold or just generally feel horrid, then being home with the kids is much easier than going to work. I just practice some lazy parenting, stick the tv on and snuggle up.

However, I have real flu, surgery, or very very unwell, then staying home and NOT having kids around is way way easier. I have found it so difficult being a mum when I'm ill because it's non-stop.

I would find it much easier to be at home looking after my DC when ill than out the house at work, You could take a nap with them, lie down and basically do what you want, in what ways is that harder than going to work?

Ha ha ha! Having no sick leave is THE WORST thing about being a SAHP.

If she's going in to work with flu she's a selfish, irresponsible nightmare. (Has she though about the families with small dcs, or pregnant women she may be passing it on to, as well as her fellow workers?)

She's clueless though, so pay no attention, or feel free to laugh.

@upsideup, the point is that if you work, you can phone in sick. It's pretty impossible to do that as a sahp.

What is wrong is companies giving people grief for taking reasonable time off to recuperate when they are all, which encourages sick people to go into work and spread their germs.

Your friend has a cold.

*ill not all

In your pajamas, without worrying about what you look like close to your own bathroom and home comforts

Mmm...except some have older dc too and those pesky, needy blighters also need taking to and from school.

She clearly doesn't know what looking after a 2 year old is like. She's obviously assuming that you can snooze on the sofa while your child calmly plays with his Duplo for a couple of hours until you wake up or something. 😂

It depends on the toddler. Some are happy to be stuck in front of a TV and fed toast - mine were. One time I lay on the bathroom floor, dd2 sat there for hours with a sandwich and iPad and books. (I had asked dd2 to go into another room as I was worried she would catch the virus but she had never seen vomit before and wanted to watch).

If she had proper flu she wouldn’t be able to even get to work. The one time I’ve had it I didn’t get out of bed for 8 days baring toilet trips, neither did I eat.

Eh. I feel like crap today and am very grateful it's my non-working day so I can curl up with the toddler and cbeebies and Happyland. Tomorrow I have work, which will involve driving an hour to an office I've never been to before and back again so I'm hoping I can pull it together for then.

But then if I'm home on a "feeling like death" day, I give myself permission to do a lot less than I usually would - as long as the basics are done we can fall back on something easy for food and no-one will die.

Well yes, Simply, but presumably the pesky children of working parents need taking to school too. I'd still rather be heading back home to my jammies and duvet if I was sick, than leaving the school gates to catch the bus for an eight hour workday.
Also a slightly different standard of 'appropriately dressed' for a school run and a workplace...

I expect she's got a very idealised view of what being a sahm is like.

I was like that before I had dc. I imagine most people are! I remember a colleague, with three little ones at home, telling me she came to work for a rest and secretly rolling my eyes! Only when I had dc of my own did I realise what she meant!

You have it harder, but there is no point arguing, she'll only find out if she ever becomes a sahm and gets ill (although what's the betting she has a willing Grandma round the corner to take the dc off her hands, in which case it would be easier!)

Didn't mean for two faces to appear there... I'm not all that confused

She's BU. Although I probably would have thought the same before I had children (although I doubt I would have said so to someone with a child). I had D&V for the first time with a toddler at home and it was horrendous. I spent every spare minute I wasn't puking, detol-ing everything so baby and DH didn't get it. Definitely had no idea how hard it would be. Tell her to just wait until she has babies!

Unfortunately, DS doesn't nap or go to nursery. He's also SEN. I wouldn't trust myself not to fall asleep if I put the telly on and left him to it. God knows what he'd get up to. Plus I'm one of those parents that doesn't agree with it for my own DC (yes yes, I know! Please don't start on me. Nothing against anyone else using the TV for their kids, just don't like it for mine).

She sent back a stressy message about him being fine to supervise himself and she was up and at work for 7:30am. It was a bit awkward (everyone else has gone quiet). So I've just made a lighthearted comment about a steamy bowl of Vicks being a spa day and left it at that.

Bear in mind she's probably sent us 3-4 photos since Saturday night of her sitting in bed with a bowl in front of her as well as FB statuses about how ill she is. I mention it once and she's got moody with me.

Do not engage in these discussions.

We can always find someone who thinks they’ve got it harder than anyone else etc.

Given that your DS doesn't nap and has SEN, she's wrong. She also shouldn't be treating it like a competition anyway.

As a generality, it would depend on how easy the child is to look after, how ill you both are and whether she's in a position where if she takes time off she won't have enough to cover her bills.

Also, you can have mild flu. It's a thing.

I'm pretty sure neither of you has actual flu.

Personally I would rather be at home with DS if I was sick, than drag us both out of bed at 6am, get him to nursery, commute for an hour, pretend to be fine all day, commute for another hour, etc.

Neither situation is great but as someone who works 3 days I feel much less worried being sick on a non work day.

She doesn’t have flu if she’s gone to work.

If she's really got flu she wouldn't be able to go to work. And if she does, she is being very selfish in giving it to all her colleagues.

Was just going to say, she clearly has a bloody cold

Pros and cons with this one.

Work: haulling yourself out of bed, having to actually get dressed, do your hair, throw face on, wear shoes, commute, be nice to people in your office all day long

Home: ^^ none of the above .... just sit child in front of Peppa Pig or what ever is fashionable and feed lots of toast and bananas.

Yeh yeh hun you’re soooo much worse off that an ill Sahm looking after a non sleeping little kid with Sen. She sounds like a bit of an emotional vampire. You don’t have to be friends with her, you know. She doesn’t sound very nice.