Being unwell is easier for a sahp than a childless FT worker

[malterbitty]

I was just chatting to a friend on a group WhatsApp. We've both got the flu and we're having a good moan about how hard it is. She's basically said what a hero she is for going to work regardless and I have it easier because I only have to look after a 2 year old at home. Am I BU for being a bit annoyed?

I told her I don't get the luxury of sitting over a bowl of Vicks, and she's said of course I can, I can just leave my toddler to play on his own (he will not play on his own).

I would find it easier to go to work personally, but maybe I'm being unreasonable.

This question basically comes down to what is easier, looking after a toddler or doing a paid job. The age old question. I would say it entirely depends on what your toddler is like and what your job is.

to be fair, given the choice of at home with 2 year old feeling ill, or having to go into work feeling ill (travel plus working all day plus travel) I would chose being at home every time.

BUT If it is a choice of being at home with a 2 year old, with no -one else to look after it, and you are really feeling crap, OR being a ft worker, and being able to take the day off sick because you are feelign crap, well, there is no contest. Day in bed v. toddler?

That is the bit she is missing, you can't take a sick day.

My absolute worst one of these, dc1 (thank goodness he was the only one at the time) was a young bf baby, and I had a 24 hour D&V bug. I still had to feed him, even through the night, and what's more, as I was sick my milk was obviously not great, so he was whinging and crying and fussing, and not wanting to eat properly, and not taking full meals and then wanting to be fed 1 hour later. Dh was there, but we didn't have any other way of feeding him.
It was horrendous.

Shortly after that I began expressing and freezing some milk, so there were always a couple of bottles in case of emeregencies.

I caught the flu and I was home looking after a 4 and 2 year old.

I collapsed at home and my 4 year old answered a mobile call from my dad and I was taken to hospital by ambulance.

Don’t remember anything expect waking up in hospital.

I definitely couldn’t of text someone or write on mumsnet 😂😳

In answer to your post - it’s harder looking after children when you are ill than going to work.

The problem with these kind of threads is that people tend to make blanket statements based on their own situation and obviously they aren't applicable to everyone. Depends on the job and the kid. Personally I find it much harder teaching classes of 30 all day and being on my feet/commuting when I'm under the weather than I would looking after one or two kids from the comfort of my own home. Other jobs may be easier. But if I genuinely had flu I could call in sick and kids would be at nursery. That kind of care is harder to organise as a sahp. Both have their downsides and competitive "whose life is harder" type comparisons don't help

Really surprised at how many doctors there are on here. So many people here have told me I don't have the flu- based on what? Are you here watching me? At what point did I list my symptoms for you?

I think you'll all find that I DO indeed have the flu. I can't speak for my friend, but I know I do definitely have the flu. Confirmed by an ACTUAL doctor.

I’ve been sick when childless and with a child so I can comment on both. When I was ill without child I could stay home sick and lay in bed and recuperate. Now if I’m sick I have to take care of my toddler so no staying in bed going on and certainly no recuperating. Therefore it’s harder now. If I was that bad I could have made it into work. You could argue well if you’re that unwell you could also arrange child care but that’s a lot harder to sort out for people with little to no family support and isn’t a 24 hour deal, children’s needs never stop esp when little.

Could not have* Should say

@passthestarmix you can't really comment on both for everyone. You can say what was harder for you. Personally I find my job harder than looking after a child. However I can appreciate that it's not the same for everyone.

Id much rather be at home with dc than at work.

I found, with twins, that it was easier to be walking sick with children compared to be walking sick and going into work, but harder to be really incapacitated with children compared to being in a job where I could actually take sick days.

When I was sick but not incapacitated I could put my toddlers in a playpen while I slumped on the sofa for an hour or so, or I could put on some rare TV to mesmerise them. It can be a lot harder to get to the doctors if you need to, but that's about it. However, when it actually was a struggle to get up and go to the loo and the like children still required some form of care, but as a single FT worker I just took a sick day and could concentrate on getting myself well.

What none of this takes into account though, is that after (or before, and sometimes at the same time as) I was sick, my kids almost certainly got sick too. So there was my sickness to manage followed by another stint looking after sick children. Which just extends the misery/makes recovery harder.

Depends on your job, the children you have at home and how ill you are, really.

Being at home with three young, ill children and being ill myself, was still much easier than teaching a class of 29 four year olds with no TA.

Are you sure it’s the flu and not a cold? I’ve only had the flu once but it wiped me out completely for a week, I couldn’t leave bed at all... it’s really serious and if she does have the flu and is going to work she’s putting her colleagues at risk (esp if one of them has a lowered immune system or is pregnant for example.) Super selfish.

Anyway, I’d say it’s harder being at home with the toddler than at work. Sure, work is shit but at least she can go home and lie down undisturbed for the evening.

If you go to work so sick I wonder firstly what’s wrong with your sick policy and secondly how you make it in if it really is the flu. Of course being at home has its advantages when you’re not well; you can have drinks and food/heated snacks when you want and it’s a lot more comfortable. You also don’t need to get ready and talk to anyone apart from your dc etc as you do at work. However after work you can go to bed and rest with no young dc to take care of until they finally go to bed (and then there’s the night wakings and possibility they will catch what you have if you haven’t caught it off them in the first place.) A sick
Mother and sick dc is not a good combination.

Girlwiththearabstrap I was talking from my personal experience hence my personal examples.

Id much rather be at home with dc than at work.

Same here, obviously staying home with no kids would be the best option but If I had to choose going to work sick or staying home with DC sick, I'd choose to stay home everytime

You can’t comment for everybody nobody can. All we can do is share personal experiences and which we find easier/harder.

Staying in bed sometimes isn't an option though with flu. I had influenza b two years ago and my husband was abroad working. I HAD to get up and get my kids fed, dressed and to school/nursery and picked up, fed and washed and in bed. I did the bare minimum to meet their needs and the housework slid but sometimes you need to carry on even with flu.

I think when you’ve got kids it’s the relentlessness that’s harder. It could be easier for the eight hour working day to be at home with kids, depending on how ill you are and whether you could take sick leave from work. For me the hard bit is that you then might not get a break during the evening to recover or even during the night if they’re ill too. My one year-old and I both have cold at the minute and I could really have done with lying on the sofa in the evening yesterday and then having an undisturbed night. But she keeps coughing till she’s sick and dh is away, so I didn’t get any unbroken recovery time.

When I was pregnant with her and (unknowingly seriously ill) needed to nap on the sofa, I’d sit my DS in the curve behind my legs with the tv on and a pile of books. It wasn’t the super relaxing experience I needed.

I feel murderous towards people who go to work while suffering from anything worse than a cold. Flu symptoms? [grrrrrrr]

Haha I'm a Sahp with a 2 year old and the worst thing about it is that there is no such thing as ringing in sick. My dh is self employed so if I'm ill I Just have to get on with it. Even worse if I'm ill at same time as baby.

Going to work with the flu isn't being a hero, either she doesn't really have flu and is making a fuss about a cold or shes being really selfish and spreading it around.

I work with small children so actually going into work would be harder than being at home because there are less children at home and I can stay indoors in PJ's, but I can phone in sick, a SAHP can't.

I really think it depends on the job you do. If you have a desk job where you can rest then going to work is easier I should imagine.

If you are on your feet all day in a busy demanding job doing 12 hour shifts then no I’d much rather be at home ill with a 2 year old.

I don’t think sitting at a desk job is easier necessarily as it’s difficult to concentrate when you have flu if it’s in your head and you feel awful. I think being ill is unpleasant no matter what your situation.

That is the bit she is missing, you can't take a sick day
You can hire an emergency babysitter though...

Assuming you have to be at work vs you have to look after a child under 3, I would choose to be at work because I am doing an office job. Might be different if I had to stand / do something physical. Oh and I don't face customers, that might change my answer...

I find it much easier staying at home with my kids! And they aren't easy kds either but I would pick that over going to work whilst ill. When I'm ill I just want to stay in.