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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving my ex an ultimatum about mother’s day

241 replies

marlinf · 12/03/2018 07:38

My ex and I have a two year old ds, but split up before he was born. Things were acrimonious for quite a while but we are on really good terms now which I’m so happy and relieved about for ds’s sake.

Ex has a girlfriend of less than a year. He and I arranged to have lunch together yesterday for mother’s day with ds (he would have seen him anyway that day, we sometimes spend time together, sometimes he spends time with ds on his own)

Apparently when ex told his gf we were having mother’s day lunch together she went mad and told him that if he went ahead she would break up with him. He went ahead anyway. She said it was inappropriate and that if anything she should have been invited too. I’ve never met her and from what ex has says in the past she is a bit jealous of me, so while I have no objection in theory to her coming along I feel like it would have been awkward and detracted from the three of us having a relaxed time.

So now she has broken up with him and I’m wondering, was she BU or were we?

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 12/03/2018 09:27

Thank goodness some people can cope with the idea of two exes spending time together without there being some ulterior motive, and it being, you know, for the actual good of the child.

Why is it for the good of the child? She is only two and you split up before she was born. She will have no expectations on mother's day and probably wont even know what it is (unless you have been going on about it). If you really wanted to go out for mother's day you could have done it one of your contact days and she would never know the difference. You were doing this for your own benefit , not anyone elses so stop pretending it has anything to do with being a good parent.

Dancingmonkey87 · 12/03/2018 09:27

End of the day it wasn’t for your dc benefit it was for yours. No one is upset or bitter over your “happy meal” as you put it, they are commenting on the information and the undertones in your post. I also think your smug and feel you won some prize against his gf who you claim is jealous of you.

JackOConnellisstarredup · 12/03/2018 09:28

I'm with MrsDV.

And OP is sounding increasingly unpleasant.

TheFirstMrsDV · 12/03/2018 09:29

Not sure why you have started this thread OP.
Have your Facebook posts not satisfied your need for attention hun?

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:29

our happy lunch has really annoyed you hasn't it?

What the fuck? I don't even know you. Don't flatter yourself hun.

Loving all this aren't you @marlinf

Causing trouble with your ex and his partner, calling anyone unhinged and bitter who doesn't agree with you.

I hope you don't pass this attitude and smugness and sanctimony onto your child. You sound like an incredibly rude and sanctimonious and unpleasant individual. I feel very sorry for ANY woman who dates your ex as long as you are around.

I would also like to know why your ex's new partner was not invited to your cosy dinner.

Guess that wouldn't suit your little agenda would it eh?

Dancingmonkey87 · 12/03/2018 09:29

😂 There's 'having a different point of view', and then there's this:

'I can see you going to be one of those nightmare ex’s the stepmothers talk about on the step parenting board over lack of boundaries

That statement was said after several posts from op saying how bitter and insecure posters were for disagreeing

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:30

You think all parents and ex's and new partners should get on, so why not invite the ex's girlfriend eh @marlinf

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/03/2018 09:30

Bloody Nora!

Hiding this now... such venom!

Original poster
marlinf · 12/03/2018 09:31

faithhope exactly, if I was annoyed at people simply disagreeing with me I’d be calling them all bitter instead of the clearly bitter one with a chip on her shoulder, Who appears to only have been able to move on by keeping a strict distance between everyone involved. Not Everyone needs that in order to move on but apparently that’s not acceptable Grin

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 12/03/2018 09:31

'Oh dear redandsilver our happy lunch has really annoyed you hasn’t it?'

'She was texting him throughout meal and ex got upset'

Not really conducive with a 'happy lunch'

But maybe I have different expectations of a 'happy lunch'

sunshineintheclouds · 12/03/2018 09:32

marlinf

Did you say gf could not come?
Was it a choice of either ex does this or no contact this week?

Shedmicehugh1 · 12/03/2018 09:32

”She said it was inappropriate and that if anything she should have been invited too. I’ve never met her and from what ex has says in the past she is a bit jealous of me, so while I have no objection in theory to her coming along I feel like it would have been awkward and detracted from the three of us having a relaxed time”

Why wasn’t his gf invited, if a) she wanted to come and b) you didn’t have a problem with it ‘in theory’?

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:32

Agree @jackoconnell the OP is coming across VERY badly. It's clear that SHE is the only bitter one on here.

What a very unpleasant individual she is. Very snide and sanctimonious and rude. The partner of her ex is WELL out of this vile and toxic set up.

AlmostDoneWithThis · 12/03/2018 09:33

"Most people would have a problem with it?"

I wouldn't. But then, I'm a grown up.

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:33

@marlinf Your ex's girlfriend is NOT jealous of you. She is just pissed off with you.

And who can blame her.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/03/2018 09:34

Most people agree that whatever the contact rota - he gets Father's day and you get Mother's day

I don’t think most do, I think lots do but lots do other things and one of those other things would be both parents celebrating together sometimes with additional children and parents sometimes not.

I’m my peer group it’s more usual to see seperated parents joking up for family celebrations

AlmostDoneWithThis · 12/03/2018 09:34

What a very unpleasant individual she is.

Eh? Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us? She sounds level-headed and sensible to me.

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:34

No she does not!

Original poster
marlinf · 12/03/2018 09:34

Right I’m out of here, unfortunately there are some very jealous, insecure people out there apparently who would have a tantrum if a child was put before their delicate feelings. I feel sorry for you, and them, but mostly them. Have a look at yourselves, I’m embarrassed for you.

OP posts:
redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:35

Bye then!

sunshineintheclouds · 12/03/2018 09:36

For reference my step children came over this weekend as it was their normal weekend at their dads.

They live a few hours away but without mum asking we offered for them to go home early on Sunday which mum was of course happy about.
We got the children to pick out some flowers and chocolate and do cards for their mum.

We all get along really well, and have had many bdays all together
I would have no problem with dh going to a meal with ex but dh would not do it as she is an ex and there is no need.
If it is a children's celebration we all go together as the blended family we are.

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 09:36

Not enough people supporting your toxic and immature agenda eh?

See ya!

Wtfdoipick · 12/03/2018 09:36

I would feel it's unnecessary and inappropriate for mother's day. There are other occasions that it would be appropriate to celebrate together I just don't think this was one.

Op how much time does your ex get on his own with his child?

Original poster
marlinf · 12/03/2018 09:36

So good you had to say it twice eh redandsilver Grin

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/03/2018 09:36

You think all parents and ex's and new partners should get on, so why not invite the ex's girlfriend eh

An 8 month none residential relationship? Your kidding right.

Would you want your ex to bring all his casual fucks to family events with your kids?