To continue a pregnancy st 46-7

[Spoog1971xx]

That's it really... 46 1/2 years old pretty much menopausal and I appear to be up the duff. 😳 I ttc for 20 years ( finally got pregnant with DS at 41 with IVF) DH has azospermia. Now this happens. I'd love another child but aibu? I'm ancient and I have high blood pressure. The chances of MC are 50 percent,Down syndrome ? What if I die when the kid is ten? Jesus this is a turn up for the books. Aibu to continue this knowing there may be complications by the bucket load?

Focus on redandsilver when you do.

I think someone already pointed out but I think if I was your DH I might not believe it was mine , just be prepared for that OP.

Otherwise, Congrats

spicerack I never, ever thought about the ages of my friend's mum apart from one who had her in her mid 40s. She looked elderly, she was elderly and she had serious health problems. My friend was brought up by her sisters and brothers, who were quite the glamorous set. Her father died of a heart attack at the age of 65.

I think the OP is unlikely to have menopause symptoms and a baby at the same time, as her reproductive system is clearly still in full swing!
I do disagree with the poster who said the decision about a termination is for the OP and her dh to decide, it is and will always be the woman's decision - obviously it's worth listening to the father's opinions but he cannot be the one to decide whether to go through with a pg or not.
FWIW I think a five year gap between your dcs is absolutely fine and I would proceed, with caution - my main caution would be that I'd be aware it might not be a successful pregnancy. But it could also be a really wonderful thing for you all.

FWIW my grandma had her youngest child when she was 50. She lived until 93. So it could have been strange for him but wasn't. Good luck OP if you decide to go ahead.

My mum had me at 46 (after trying for 14 years and being told I was the menopause until 6 weeks before I was born ) and was a fantastic mum. No complications in pregnancy. A bit more cautious and less active than my friends' mums maybe, but I wouldn't have changed her for the world. I lost her when I was 35 but still have my lovely dad, now in his 90s. My only real regret is that my mum never met her grandson and my dad's too old to mess around with him.

Her fertility is not in full swing, it's in decline. The OP would not be able to donate her eggs at her age and unless her husband/partner is below the age of 40, neither would he be able to donate sperm.

Are people seriously suggesting that they would happily receive donated eggs from a 46 year old woman?

I lost my (older) parent young (20s). Yes it's been really hard from the perspective of a child growing up with a parent who is much older than my friends.

I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so glad they were my parent. And I'm so glad I had a sibling with they died.

i had my son at 26. He was born with duplex kidney, extra ureter, cyst in bladder, also was told there was a high chance of down syndrome (he doesnt). He has language impairment. These risks can happen regardless of age.

I personally don't think I would want to have a baby at almost 50 but then again I am biased since my mother had me very young as she is turning 40 this week while I am already in my 20's so have actually no clue what having a much older mum would involve.

That being said, my grandma is 62 which I still see as young but there is no way in hell she could cope with a 12 yo on a daily basis. While she may still live (and I hope she does!) another 30 years or so, her health is already not as great as it was, she is deaf in one ear and really don't have the energy she used to have. Same for my grandpa who is also in his 60's and is becoming a bit-hard of hearing and can easily repeat himself or is starting to be a bit more forgetful as well as suffering from pain/medical isssues linked to his age.
Those are my grandparents but I would be lying if I didn't say that it's breaking my heart to see what aging does to them and their body (and they are far from having a foot in the grave!) the reality is that they are excellent grandparents but would have a tough time parenting a pre-teen on a daily-basis considering their health.

That being said there are a lot of things I disliked about having a very young mother so being a young mother isn't necessarily better but I would be sad if my grandparents were my parents (and I am a decade older than your child would be!) for the simple reason that I would be awfully conscious of their declining health, I would feel even more pressure to have children early so they could enjoy them and I would probably be very aware of the fact that I would soon have to care for them. I also travel a lot and live abroad and having elderly parents would have totally impacted and altered all my life-plans long-term as I would feel a sense of duty to be there for them so would have to remain geographically close to them which is not what would have been right for me.

I also work with a lady who is in her 30's and lost her elderly father just after her first baby was born and I find it a bit sad that she spent a lot of her 20's as a carer and that her children won't get to have a relationship with her father. Obviously death can occure at all times but the fact that her father was "old" (50+) when her parents had her impacted most of her life and made the chance of this happening much higher than having her when younger.

That being said, you are already pregnant OP and if your GP says the pregnancy is of low-risk to you and you feel like you can handle it, then by all-mean do so, it's your body after all and you know yourself better than we do. You would not be the first woman to have a child at 47 and having a young mother also mean for me that I am likely to end up in the same nursing home as my mum due to low difference of age and that if she passes away from old-age I will become awfully aware that I will probably soon follow, so pros and cons I suppose!

I'm your age OP. I wouldn't try for a baby now - for all the reasons given above. However, if I found myself pregnant, I would go ahead with the pregnancy, take out some more life insurance and hope for the best.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer beyond the usual "it's your decision".

Friend who was 50 is from abroad and although conceived naturally it was just after they had decided to stop trying. I think she had been trying ivf so probably hormone injections. Not too sure as i didn't want to pry.

Worst case in regards to the school run was a friend who had her first at 18 and her last at 42.

She worked out she would be doing the school run for 37 years.

*mumofmany the baby would have died in me regardless, or else I’d have carried her to term and she’d have died soon after she was born. I couldn’t cope with people congratulating me on a pregnancy and having to explain the baby was going to die. That really would be a thousand cuts every day. I’d started to show when I terminated and I just wanted the bump gone to be honest.

I’d had two labours previously that had resulted in my two healthy children. I didn’t want to ruin that experience. However I made a pact with myself that if I was going to continue to TTC at this age I had to be a big girl and deal with the possible consequences. So if there’s a next time and it goes wrong I will opt for MM.*

The start of your post sounds a little like you are trying to defend your decision which makes me think that maybe my post didn't come across as it was meant to. I was trying to say that I found it hard enough having the scan seeing she had died and then having to deliver her but at least the decision was taken out of my hands. I can't imagine how hard it is to have to make that choice yourself when you've got all the pregnancy hormones and desperately want that baby. It makes me cross that having decided that you weren't given the choice by the hospital of how to proceed :(. It doesn't make you not a "big girl" to want to have a surgical termination rather than medical. The idea of going through contractions and delivering your baby when you know they've gone is scary and you did what was right for you at the time. I know what you mean about the comments - I couldn't bear people asking me how the pregnancy was going and having to keep explaining what had happened and to carry on with a pregnancy to term when you know the baby won't make it is beyond hard. I really hope that my post didn't offend or upset as it wasn't meant to - it was meant to just be me being cross that you weren't offered both methods. x

I have two teenagers who are quite good. I am 46 too. I constantly worry about drugs, self harm, parties. I find it hard to collect from parties later than midnight as I want to sleep. Will you find it hard to deal with teenagers when you are 60?

That being said, my grandma is 62 which I still see as young but there is no way in hell she could cope with a 12 yo on a daily basis.

I think that is unusual. Pension age is well beyond this.

Linning I'm very sorry for your grandparents as they are atypical. I'm two years older than your grandma and in just as good nick as I was 20 years ago, so are my friends. We refuse to buy into this whole "old" crap. Many of us still work, all of us travel, exercise, have lives. None of us would balk at having a teenager around. I'm quite offended at having people my age written off as you've just done.

I don't think it's that unusual. My mum is 51, not old by any stretch of the imagination/fit and in usual health, and she's fucking exhausted after a day with the DC(3 and 5). It's not writing her off to say that, it's acknowledging that young children, especially when there's more than just one of them, are bloody hard work.

Beware of the financial impact too. My granda aged 74 has recently had a very bad stroke, he was fit as a fiddle beforehand. He’s now had to move into a care home. He retired at 72. All his pension bar £25 (which goes to my granny) goes to paying his care home. My dad and his 2 brothers (who are in their fifties) have to pay the remaining fee.
There is no way a twenty something year old could help to financially support you, never mind the physical and emotional support that would be needed, if something like this happened to you.

Hope you’re well Op & that you find some of this thread useful. I have some sympathy with posters saying that having a baby in late 40s is harder.
But I don’t agree with them entirely, I had my second baby at 46. I was far along in the pg before the dr did some blood tests & found out about pg . I was well past the point of being able to have tests for various conditions. Anyhow, dd is perfectly healthy & a very full on boisterous toddler- a very much loved child.

I’m healthy, I run round with my kids & have no intention of stopping any time soon. Besides, older parents have plenty to offer a child. I do not give any fucks at all for what people may or may not think at the school gate, they all seem very friendly as far as I can tell.

I had lots & lots of blood tests & scans once the pg was confirmed, I had an elective c-section which I asked for but the consultant was keen for me to have.

You need to talk through risks with your gp , I found recovery from c section slightly harder and sleep deprivation sucked second time around. Other than that I can’t see any huge difference between having dc 1 n my 30s and dc 2 in late 40s.

I can’t work out if it’s financially harder to have a second child later in life. I had some big life changes in the past few years which were nothing to do with age or having a baby. Good luck!

@spoog I think after 20 years ttc people will be more shocked by that than your age. It sounds like your dh will be pushing for the pregnancy to continue too.
There are risks at every age of course but I just wanted to say congratulations. You must be absolutely shocked to the core. Take a bit of time let it sink in, your heart will help you make a decision

YANBU of course! Congratulations x

I wouldn’t proceed with a pregnancy at my age (couple of years behind you) but largely because I have no desire whatsoever to return to the baby stage and risk of complications rather than because of fears I might not live so long.

@Souldrider you find it unusual that a 62yo would find it tough to look after a pre-teen full-time? My grandma just retired and yes she probably could have worked another 5 years but her health isn't what it was 20 years ago, there is a difference between working for 8 hours a day and her being responsible for a 12yo day-in/ day-out, my youngest sibling is 10 as is another cousin and while she takes them on holidays for about a week or so, she finds it tiring and definitely wouldn't want it to be her daily life for the next decade or so. if she had to do it, she would do it of course and would find ways to manage
but to think that dealing and keeping up with a teenager when you are in your mid-60's or early 70's is the same as a dealing with teenagers in your 40's is slightly ridiculous.

@Bluelady, my grandma isn't old 62 isn't old, she is still very active, she is actually off to Zanzibare right now, and I have organized a road trip for the two of us in May in South Africa, she still does things and she definitely is enjoying her retirement. There is a difference between her doing stuff she enjoys fully and her being responsible for a pre-teen full-time though. Looking after kids IS exhausting even for people in their 30's or 20's like me, it's not being rude or offensive to acknowledge that someone who is 3 times my age or 60 and have worked for 40 years+ already will find it slightly more exhausting than the average 30 or 40 years old. It has nothing to do with being 20yo in your head, you can be 80yo and feel like a 20yo but your body will still be the one of an 80yo and usually will have more limitations than the one of a 20yo. My grandma is young in age and mentally but her body is still 60 and has suffered from aging I don't think there is anything wrong in stating that. Of course 60 is young and nowhere near the grave and thank God!

I wouldn't but this is only up to you and and the father with proper medical advice.

I think you should hide this thread. None of us can have anything meaningful to help you make a decision.

Anecdotes about something going wrong as a young mother or going right as an older mother miss the point entirely.

My parents were both very young when they had me. My dad died when I was 18 (an illness, not an accident), and my siblings even younger. It was - is - lovely having young parents but there are no guarantees either way. And you already have a 5 year old in your forties. I don’t see much difference, really, and most likely it would be both fun and supportive for your existing DC to have a sibling, whatever happens in the future.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Take all the tests offered, proceed with caution and hope. Good luck!

Thank GOD for a few more balanced posts on here now (this last couple of pages...)

OP, I am sorry if I sound negative or rude, and of COURSE it is up to you what you do. But I can only be honest, and I would not choose to have baby this close to my 50's. For all the reasons I (and a few others now,) have outlined.

The reason I am so vocal (and ranty maybe) is because I am royally fucked off with the 'I know this woman and that woman who had a baby at 50, and they lived til 99, and ran marathons with their young children at 60 yada yada'. And 'oh it's such a gift and such a blessing and what a wonderful time you will have, having a little one running around when you're several years off drawing your pension, and going through the menopause!' And of course there will be no issues with the pregnancy or birth OR with the baby! And what jolly fun you will have, dealing with a young teenager when you're in your SIXTIES.

The fact is that is ISN'T a great idea to have babies in your time of life, it ISN'T ageist, and I am sick of all the jolly happy-go-lucky stories of how wonderful it is, what a 'blessing' it is and you should ignore any TROLL telling you different.

Newsflash ; someone with a different point of view is NOT a troll. That is such a predictable response on here to someone who DARES to go against the grain, and speaks up against the know-alls on here who can't BEAR it that some one doesn't agree with them.

I have said all I can now, so am done here. Go on then, say 'thank GOD for that!' someone.... yawnnnn