AIBU About Constant Requests To Babysit?

[zukiecat]

I'll try and keep this short and not let it turn into a rant, but please bear with me!

Since the start of the year a colleague has asked me constantly to babysit her four DC, some of which has been for nights out and some so her DH can work overtime (voluntary)

Looking back on my diary I have done more than 50 hours of babysitting since the middle of January, I have health issues and it's really starting to take its toll on me, I have Pernicious Anaemia (amongst other conditions) and sometimes coping with my part time job is more than enough for me, I don't ask for or receive any sort of payment for this babysitting, last week I got a bit pissed of because I looked after the DC for the whole day, then had to go straight to work for an evening shift, it was pouring rain when I left but I didn't get offered a lift to work, I should say I never ever ask for or expect any lifts from anyone to anywhere, but seeing as though I had looked after her DC from 9am to 5pm and it would have taken her DH five minutes to run me down the road, I have Sciatica and Arthritis which are made worse by cold damp weather.

Colleague also asked our boss not to put me on the rota on certain evenings because, and I quote "I need her to babysit"

My own DC are adults, one DD has left home and the younger one also has health issues and she's had nine hospital admissions since June 2017, she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

I had a bad dose of flu in January, but colleague's DH wouldn't stop phoning and texting me to ask if I would be able to babysit that week so that they could have a night out. I also had quite severe laryngitis three weeks ago, and this, combined with my other health conditions really took it out of me, but I still got endless texts asking me to babysit for another night out.

I'm just feeling exhausted and to be honest, just used. I'm not the best at saying No to people and some do take advantage of that, but do you think I would be justified to refuse to do any more babysitting and not give a reason?

Sorry, this was longer than I intended it to be, but thanks for reading!

Yes you would be justified.

A mumsnet classic is appropriate here - sorry that doesn't work for me.

Or no is also a full sentence.

You know the mumsnet answer. ‘That doesn’t work for me’ and ‘No’ is a complete sentence.

Tell them you can no longer offer any babysitting. There is no benefit for you and they are frankly taking the piss. Just say no and stop. Immediately.

Just tell them it is t working for you and you can't help them anymore.

Sounds like they're taking the piss and you've been letting them, you need to withdraw from the situation.

Oops, cross post with Queenofthestress!

Just say No!
No need to explain or give excuses; tell her sorry doesn’t work for me anymore is perfectly fine; just because someone throws you a ball doesn’t mean you have to catch it

No. That doesn't work for me.

That's all you have to say. It might be difficult at first, but keep on saying it.

What?! This is madness OP. Where on earth is she going? And why does she think she can pile this on you!

You don't need to give her a long explanation. " I can't babysit anymore " will do. Repeat when necessary.

Yup. What they all said!

Also speak to HR and tell them to speak to YOU not her about your shifts.

Honestly I’m surprised you even need to ask? You know they’re taking the piss given all the reasons you’ve just listed here... so (and this is a genuine question) why are you even questioning if yabu? Also just to make it clean- YANBU

Thankyou for all the replies, you're all telling me what I knew myself already,

I need to concentrate and look after DD and myself now, I really am done in with it all

That's crazy. Id be saying to her you have too much going on with your own life and your and your daughters health problems and won't be babysitting anymore going forward effective immediately.

Of course YANBU!!!
You really need to start saying no.
“I’m afraid that I’m not well enough nowadays to look after your children”
They really are taking the piss.
And I would probably speak to your boss and insist that they don’t take notice of colleague regarding hours.

Dear god op, my dd is 7 and my own mother and mil combined haven't babysat for anywhere close to 50 hours since she was born, never mind since the middle of January.

They ( she especially ) are taking you for a massive fool. I too have sciatica and many other pain issues and you should absolutely be resting before working where possible, not babysitting.

I'm furious on your behalf. She is taking advantage of your kind nature, please stand up for yourself and say no.

Until you do, you will be expected to just do it, these types aren't used to people saying no to them. speak to your work too, no way should your "colleague" be involved with dictating your shift patterns. Is that even allowed?

No means no. Lather, rinse, repeat

Actually cannot believe this!

Firstly tell the CF colleague you are no longer able to babysit. Whilst she deserves a full on fuck off, for the sake of work harmony I’d be tempted to at least be half polite and say something like ‘you know I love your children but as you know I’ve been unwell and I’m finding it far too much to look after them so I won’t be available for babysitting again’.

Then go and see your boss and say CF colleague shouldn’t be dictating your rota, doesn’t speak for your availability and that you’d like him/her to discuss it with you in future.

We don't have HR MyBrilliantDisguise, We work in our local shop, there's just the manager and us, but I'll have a word with her and tell her to ask me whether I can work a particular shift or not

Agree with others. Please say you can no longer help her with babysitting at all and make sure work know you will work the shifts she has told them you can't.

If you are like me and hate confrontation I would use health as a reason but you really can just say no. mumsnet never ceases to amaze me with stories of CFs!!!

Don't agree to do a bit of babysitting now and then just say no more ever. It's easier that way and she needs to learn that's not how you treat people. 50 hrs since January is absolutely ridiculous!!!

Honestly I wouldn't even wait to be asked

"Between my health issues and dd's lung issues I have decided to prioritise myself and my family, so you can plan in advance I am letting you know now that I will not be babysitting at all anymore. Of course I know you will understand"

Then first thing when you get into work speak to your boss and say your shifts are not to be dictated by or discussed with anyone but you

Just tell her your gp has concerns you are doing too much if you don't want to be honest and tell her she is a true cf.

Oh op they’ve got on to the fact that you’re kind and don’t like to say no and are absolutely taking the piss.
If it’s easier than just saying a blunt no say you’re not well enough like a pp said. But please don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of any longer.

You aren't related?
They aren't paying you a penny?
You babysat 4 kids for an entire day? For free?
I have never heard of anything like this! They need to be fired in a rocket past the far side of fuck and to keep on going.

"I've done 50 hours since January. I'm done. Ask someone else."

Rinse and repeat.

No 'sorry but...', no 'i know this leaves you in a bad position but...' etc. No apologetic language.

If she pushes and you start to get frustrated just tell her 'no because i don't want to anymore, so stop asking'.

Be prepared to go to HR if she gets arsey.

And don't point out that you have done it for free as they'll offer you stupidly little money to continue.

They sound ghastly

Agree with above. Just say no. Your health and your daughter are more important.

Please tell me they pay you for the babysitting you've already done.

Don't let them bully you into doing more.

Take care of yourself and update HR. She is taking advantage of you

And I agree that you need to make sure you don’t get railroaded in to helping out ‘just in emergencies’ as they will continue to take the mick. You need to make it clear that you can no longer babysit for them. At all.