AIBU About Constant Requests To Babysit?

[zukiecat]

I'll try and keep this short and not let it turn into a rant, but please bear with me!

Since the start of the year a colleague has asked me constantly to babysit her four DC, some of which has been for nights out and some so her DH can work overtime (voluntary)

Looking back on my diary I have done more than 50 hours of babysitting since the middle of January, I have health issues and it's really starting to take its toll on me, I have Pernicious Anaemia (amongst other conditions) and sometimes coping with my part time job is more than enough for me, I don't ask for or receive any sort of payment for this babysitting, last week I got a bit pissed of because I looked after the DC for the whole day, then had to go straight to work for an evening shift, it was pouring rain when I left but I didn't get offered a lift to work, I should say I never ever ask for or expect any lifts from anyone to anywhere, but seeing as though I had looked after her DC from 9am to 5pm and it would have taken her DH five minutes to run me down the road, I have Sciatica and Arthritis which are made worse by cold damp weather.

Colleague also asked our boss not to put me on the rota on certain evenings because, and I quote "I need her to babysit"

My own DC are adults, one DD has left home and the younger one also has health issues and she's had nine hospital admissions since June 2017, she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

I had a bad dose of flu in January, but colleague's DH wouldn't stop phoning and texting me to ask if I would be able to babysit that week so that they could have a night out. I also had quite severe laryngitis three weeks ago, and this, combined with my other health conditions really took it out of me, but I still got endless texts asking me to babysit for another night out.

I'm just feeling exhausted and to be honest, just used. I'm not the best at saying No to people and some do take advantage of that, but do you think I would be justified to refuse to do any more babysitting and not give a reason?

Sorry, this was longer than I intended it to be, but thanks for reading!

"I can't babysit any more" or "Sure, but I'm charging £15 an hour now with a bonus of £5 per hour outside of 7pm to midnight" - whichever you prefer.

What a cow. Deffo say no from now on.

They’re taking you for a mug and I’m surprised you’ve let them tbh. Say no.

Even if you or your DC had no health problems she’s taking the piss.
Just say NO! No excuses, no explanation. Just NO.

Too tired to RTFT, but YANBU

Tell her No

Tell boss, sorry I don’t work for the CF, I work for you, so don’t let CF to dictate the rota.

Just no!
I don't understand why you would be babysitting for her without payment so she can go on a night out when you have a DD at home who needs your help.

What! You’ve done all that babysitting, for free? Bonkers! Definitely time to practice saying no! Why have you not said anything before? I don’t know anyone who babysits for free if they aren’t a direct rellie, or are getting something in return!

I just want to send you hugs, OP, because you clearly a lovely gentle caring person.
But.....enough is enough . Take the proverbial straw that broke your back and use it to whip them with it.
Do nothing more for them at all . Nothing.
And tell your stupid boss ....your shifts, your business. If they discuss it with anyone else from now on, you will take it further.
Dear Lord, I'm fuming on your behalf.

You don't have to give her excuses, but clearly your own and your daughter's health problems are excuse enough anyway. Just tell her that you won't be able to babysit from now on; if she's desperate to go out, suggest she tries something radical like paying for babysitting.

Hope all has gone well at work

Really hope your daughter's appt goes well!!

Yes, she is cheeky fucker of highest order...

So she knows you and your daughter aren't well... But thinks it OK to rearrange your bloody shifts to facilitate her families fun/income...and then when you have put yourself out for her, lets you walk home in the rain.

In London you would have been paid almost 600£ for this....

Just say no... No apologies... If she asks say... I've done 50 hrs free childcare for you since January .... So yout family income can increase. Even more where my family loses out. I've also found out you're trying to manipulate my work availability...

Soooo cheeky

My bet..
She'll say can you do x, you, z jus this once... It's an emergency....

Hold your nerve, or say... Of you fancy some more income... Yes my fees are. 12£.an hour in advance for looking after 4.kids

The more exhausted and worn down one is the harder it is to stand up for oneself.
Remember it is not your fault this got this way.

((((Hugs))) OP

Joining the chorus to just say no, in however polite a way that works for you.

You need your health both for your sake and that of your family.

I hope your daughter gets well soon.

I wouldn't make an announcement that you're not going to babysit anymore because imo that just gives her an opportunity to 'work on you' and you've said you find saying no difficult.

Just every time she asks, say you have plans and if she starts a conversation with 'what are you doing next Saturday?' Or something similar, make something up because you know her next question will be to ask you to babysit.

Then tell your manager to stop letting this person dictate your shifts.

Crikey I’m flabberghasted. I hope it goes well for your dd.

For your own sake, as others have said you need to be firm when you say no.

She clearly has been taking advantage of you. I’ve been there. There was a mum at the school who would text/call me 3/4 times a week and ask me to pick her DD up from school (ours dds were in the same class) it was only 5 mins out of my way, so I thought I’d help out.

This went on for months, when one day I had a hospital appointment and even though I thought I would be back, I asked her to be on standby to have DD for a few minutes in case of traffic. She refused because she needed to pop to the shops after school. The shops were 2 minute walk and were open 24 hours. Never again.

They're definitely taking the piss so please just say no.
I'd have w word with that manager and confidentially explain what's happening and you're putting a stop to it but you'd like their support in case it causes issues at work hope today goes well with your daughter

My kids are you no teens and haven't had more that in their lives!

Good luck today op with your dd and cf and boss today. Stay strong!

You no = young

She has fabulously taken the piss and you have been horribly taken advantage of, but you know that now.

If you wanted to be really nice you could say "I'm really sorry I can't look after your children any more" but you don't have to worry about being polite.

Make sure your manager knows immediately that your shifts are nothing to do with her.

You can't blame them for asking if you keep saying yes!

Start saying "no". You don't need to give a reason but if you want to, just say it's too much for you with your health problems.

{flowers}

I know it’s not easy zukie, I used to be like this mysel. Well done on getting the help through cbt.
Once you stand up for yourself over this each time will get a little bit easier.
I know I sounded a bit harsh but it really pisses me off to see good people getting taken advantage of by cheeky fuckers !

@Jamhandprints Mon 12-Mar-18 06:55:50
You can't blame them for asking if you keep saying yes

No ! They are to blame. Completely

I know my friends and acquaintances would say yes to anything I ask. Because they know I do NOT ask unless I genuinely have Need to.

Good people don't keep asking and asking and asking Knowing the other person is exhausted and or busy