AIBU About Constant Requests To Babysit?

[zukiecat]

I'll try and keep this short and not let it turn into a rant, but please bear with me!

Since the start of the year a colleague has asked me constantly to babysit her four DC, some of which has been for nights out and some so her DH can work overtime (voluntary)

Looking back on my diary I have done more than 50 hours of babysitting since the middle of January, I have health issues and it's really starting to take its toll on me, I have Pernicious Anaemia (amongst other conditions) and sometimes coping with my part time job is more than enough for me, I don't ask for or receive any sort of payment for this babysitting, last week I got a bit pissed of because I looked after the DC for the whole day, then had to go straight to work for an evening shift, it was pouring rain when I left but I didn't get offered a lift to work, I should say I never ever ask for or expect any lifts from anyone to anywhere, but seeing as though I had looked after her DC from 9am to 5pm and it would have taken her DH five minutes to run me down the road, I have Sciatica and Arthritis which are made worse by cold damp weather.

Colleague also asked our boss not to put me on the rota on certain evenings because, and I quote "I need her to babysit"

My own DC are adults, one DD has left home and the younger one also has health issues and she's had nine hospital admissions since June 2017, she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

I had a bad dose of flu in January, but colleague's DH wouldn't stop phoning and texting me to ask if I would be able to babysit that week so that they could have a night out. I also had quite severe laryngitis three weeks ago, and this, combined with my other health conditions really took it out of me, but I still got endless texts asking me to babysit for another night out.

I'm just feeling exhausted and to be honest, just used. I'm not the best at saying No to people and some do take advantage of that, but do you think I would be justified to refuse to do any more babysitting and not give a reason?

Sorry, this was longer than I intended it to be, but thanks for reading!

She constantly asks you because you constantly say yes.
Don’t wait for her to ask because then you might feel obligated to agree.
When you see her tell her about your health issues, your daughters health concerns and hopefully she will realise. Failing that ask her to lend you £100’s and with luck she will avoid you

They are taking you for a mug because you are letting them. It’s absolutely ridiculous that you haven’t stopped this before now and you need to ask strangers online for advice about it.
Please stand up for yourself. If you don’t feel you can do it in person then send them a text. Look after your own health.

Just say no. If it makes you feel better talk to your colleague and your manager at the same time and make it clear that this arrangement has ended.

How was the request re your shifts handled - did the manager say ok then or check with you first? She's being a cheekyfucker twice over if she's taking your shifts so she gets paid instead of you while you babysit for free, but hopefully I misunderstood that part.

Say no. You don't have to justify or explain yourself, just no, I can not babysit for you anymore. She'll be used to hearing similar from other people and will just find someone else to move onto I would think.

Thankyou everyone!

I knew you'd all tell me straight, I think because I've spent my entire life trying to please others is the reason I needed validation,

You're all right that I need to just say No to any babysitting, not for emergencies or anything else, because they will just take the piss even more,

ColdCottage

The only "payment" I've ever received is a takeaway one night, I've never been given anything else, I don't drink alcohol, but never even been given some chocolates or anything like that

I think not being offered a lift this week was the final straw, and the thing that really made me see I've been taken for a mug

To be honest, I'm shocked they pestered you to look after their dc when you had the flu! Just for a night out! Surely they should have thought of their children and you. You needed to rest. I have rheumatoid arthritis and sciatica because of my pregnancy so I know how terrible you're feeling. Especially with this awful weather. It's horrible.
I'd say no, honestly tell them you need a break which you do.

Glad to hear it zukie.you won’t regret it .the lift thing would tip me over the edge too.

bimbobaggins

I know what you're saying is right and I'm a fool for having put up with this all this time, but my mental health issues were in part due to not being able to stand up for myself,

CBT, and long term counselling and medication mean that I am better at that than I used to be though

That sounds more like free childminding to me, especially when it's so her DH can work overtime

Babysitting, imho, is the odd evening here and there, not full days so the parents can go to work.

Yanbu.

Are you seriously doing this for free? Why on earth? They're the kind of people who would keep a slave if they had the opportunity.

Is this for real? WTAF? This bitch is ripping the piss out of you. FUCK THAT. Text your boss or tell her, 'Don't arrange my shifts round her. She's been using me to babysit for her for free and I'm not doing it anymore,' and you tell her, 'I am not babysitting for you anymore.' Or get a friend or one of us to do it if you can't. And then you block her. Yes, block her. And her h. If she asks, you tell her, 'Because I told you I am not sitting for you anymore. If I have other stuff going on and my health conditions and my own kid to worry about.' I want to punch people like this because she's a fucking bully on top of being a total user.

How on earth did you end up free babysitting? Esp a whole freaking day.

I will definitely be having a word with our boss tomorrow and telling her to ask me first if I can work on particular evenings!

Not up to anyone except me what hours I can or can't do

Tell them, no more babysitting. Then you block their numbers, because you know, even when you say no, they'll still hound you.

I'm glad MN's been able to tell you what you know you needed to hear.

Good luck with saying no and meaning it. With 4 DC, they're bound to know loads of other parents of similar age children.... let them ask those people instead.

And report back when you've said 'no', and let us celebrate your strength.

And good luck with your DD's health issue (and your own)

That is beyond shocking. I can't believe she is just a work colleague and has had you working for over 50h for her in fewer than 3 months and not paid you a penny or showered you with gifts.

If you felt strong enough I'd send her an invoice for it all. She definitely wouldn't ask you again if you did that. Even at teen babysitting rates of £5ph that's £250. £375 at adult minimum wage.

Block her mobile number (google or ask a friend if you aren't sure how - I had to look it up) and distance yourself at work to polite and professional but not social.

The odd favour is ok but this is poor behaviour and I think HR should take it up as an abuse of power.

Stay strong and I hope your health improves.

Ooooh, you've been taken for a ride haven't you, can you imagine how much all those hours of child care would have cost them? They have a damn cheek, and you've got to woman up and tell them that, you don't want to do it any more....end of!

Of course YANBU

And that is regardless of your health concerns

CF's

You've been working for free, so they can earn more money.

" Hi zukiecat. Can you babysit for me on Wednesday evening?2
"No, sorry, I can't"

And repeat.

You sound lovely, but you are being walked all over and that’s your responsibility to change.

Read back what you've written and imagine it's one of your DC asking you this. And now imagine what you'd advise them to do.

Send the fuckers an invoice for 50 hours babysitting. I dont know how anyone has the cheek to do something like this! It's awful they really have no shame!

I would give a reason I think. “No, it’s too much for me/I’m not well enough/I have too much on at home”.