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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU About Constant Requests To Babysit?

285 replies

zukiecat · 11/03/2018 22:22

I'll try and keep this short and not let it turn into a rant, but please bear with me!

Since the start of the year a colleague has asked me constantly to babysit her four DC, some of which has been for nights out and some so her DH can work overtime (voluntary)

Looking back on my diary I have done more than 50 hours of babysitting since the middle of January, I have health issues and it's really starting to take its toll on me, I have Pernicious Anaemia (amongst other conditions) and sometimes coping with my part time job is more than enough for me, I don't ask for or receive any sort of payment for this babysitting, last week I got a bit pissed of because I looked after the DC for the whole day, then had to go straight to work for an evening shift, it was pouring rain when I left but I didn't get offered a lift to work, I should say I never ever ask for or expect any lifts from anyone to anywhere, but seeing as though I had looked after her DC from 9am to 5pm and it would have taken her DH five minutes to run me down the road, I have Sciatica and Arthritis which are made worse by cold damp weather.

Colleague also asked our boss not to put me on the rota on certain evenings because, and I quote "I need her to babysit"

My own DC are adults, one DD has left home and the younger one also has health issues and she's had nine hospital admissions since June 2017, she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

I had a bad dose of flu in January, but colleague's DH wouldn't stop phoning and texting me to ask if I would be able to babysit that week so that they could have a night out. I also had quite severe laryngitis three weeks ago, and this, combined with my other health conditions really took it out of me, but I still got endless texts asking me to babysit for another night out.

I'm just feeling exhausted and to be honest, just used. I'm not the best at saying No to people and some do take advantage of that, but do you think I would be justified to refuse to do any more babysitting and not give a reason?

Sorry, this was longer than I intended it to be, but thanks for reading!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Alabama3 · 12/03/2018 07:11

could you find a babysitter (who charges) and give her their number next time she asks

Uniglo18 · 12/03/2018 07:19

Ask your boss to put you on evening shifts for the next six weeks and tell them to take instruction from you only not her.

She is taking the piss or join an evening class so you are unavailable. She doesn't want to pay for the babysitting but she's dictating when you're available. You don't belong to her, you do whatever you like and make sure you bill her for the hours you've done so far.

Roussette · 12/03/2018 07:22

Don't let there be any wriggle room in what you say. Don't say 'it's got a bit out of hand'.
That gives her the opportunity to work on you. Jump through the niceties to the definites. i.e. I will NOT be babysitting for you again.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 12/03/2018 07:24

I'd be livid at her telling work when to give me hours so on that basis alone I'd have stopped then.

I'll happily help out friends who need a sitter for work outside of usual childcare arrangements so usually an emergency or bank holidays but don't really babysit for nights out as that's different and not a need as such.

Just tell her you can't babysit going forward so she'll have to start paying for a sitter.

Uniglo18 · 12/03/2018 07:26

Put her number straight to voicemail if you can't block her.

Block her on Facebook and all social media.

Don't open the door to unexpected visitors.

CrazyDuchess · 12/03/2018 07:27

could you find a babysitter (who charges) and give her their number next time she asks

Please DON'T do this.... their childcare issues are not your responsibility!

Good luck today OP Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 12/03/2018 07:28

Oh my goodness what a cheeky Fucker of the highest order. Does she pay you for all that babysitting, probably not! Her behaviour woukd put my back up. No I cannot babysit for you anymore! Find a childminder! Keep saying no! She is relying on yiu being a nice person.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/03/2018 07:29

Out of order for her telling work what hours you can work because of babysitting, I woukd have laid into her after that, how dare she!

treeofhearts · 12/03/2018 07:32

"Of course I can but you do need to settle up before I do any more for you."

Then present her with a bill. Let's see average wage for babysitters or childminders is what, tenner an hour? So that would be £500. I guarantee she will not ask you again.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/03/2018 07:37

She is not only a CF, but nasty. Not offering you a lift after yiu looked after her kids for free. I am glad you are now seeing the wood from the trees, and the penny is dropping. If she starts harassing you at work, straight to manager, than HR if it continues. After you start being assertive, you will feel so much better and it will come easy. If yiu ask for payment, she says yes, there is a huge chance she will not pay you.

DinoSn0re · 12/03/2018 07:38

Round here babysitters are paid a starting rate of £10 per hour...that CF friend of yours has saved herself an awful lot of money not having to pay someone! Don’t let her take advantage of your kind nature anymore and good luck Flowers

DevilsDoorbell · 12/03/2018 07:38

Good luck. Yanbu. She is incredibly cheeky. Expect her to start the sob stories though and emergency requests. Just remember, you have plans.

SoupDragon · 12/03/2018 07:41

I agree with others - make it absolutely clear that there will be no further babysitting. Nothing wishywashy or ambiguous.

Flomy · 12/03/2018 07:45

Say no, everytime.

Roussette · 12/03/2018 07:47

And do not say 'I'm sorry, but...'

You have nothing to be sorry about.

SleepFreeZone · 12/03/2018 07:48

She thinks you are a mug and has contempt for you, it’s obvious.

I would tell her exactly what youve said here. That since January and with your myriad of health problems, you have given her 50 hours of babysitting for free. You’ve done enough, no more, it’s time for someone else to help her out.

TheClacksAreDown · 12/03/2018 08:07

Op a piece of advice I give people who have to deliver difficult messages - plan exactly what words you want to use and practice saying it in front of a mirror until it trips off the tongue.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/03/2018 08:10

She thinks so low of you that all you are worthy of doing is providing free babysitting, she did not even offer you a lift to work, despite you also going there, and you looking after her kids all day. She harasdessyiu when you are sick, to babysit so she can go on a night out. She is nasty nasty nasty. Think of it this way, would she return the babysitting favour, no she would not.when she was harassing you when I'll, I would have told her no, slammed the phone down, and deleted and blocked her. Nasty piece of work.

snewsname · 12/03/2018 08:13

she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

That is the reason why from now on you can do no more babysitting whatsoever. A perfect excuse. Don't waver or give in and yes tell your boss you can do any shift from now on.

And hope you dd gets well soon. Thanks

Lalliella · 12/03/2018 08:19

Oh OP this is the worst case of cheeky-fuckery I have ever seen. Don’t make excuses, don’t say sorry, just say NO. A permanent No not a No just for now. You’re too nice and she’s taking advantage of your good nature. You don’t owe her anything. Be assertive, although I think that is something you really find hard to do. Do it by text if necessary. And don’t let be guilt trip you, stand firm. You need to put yourself and your family first, for your health and your sanity. OP I am so cross on your behalf, I want to go and have words with her myself!

ssd · 12/03/2018 08:24

I am so angry on your behalf op Angry

tell her no.

and dont crumble, a cow like this will use everything to get her own way, dont fall for it.

battenbergbutterfly · 12/03/2018 08:28

Just say NO. That woman is the UCF. Ultimate cheeky fucker.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 12/03/2018 08:31

Zukie, stay strong, make it very clear that you will no longer babysit for any reason, as you have your own family to care for.
What a selfish woman, taking advantage of you.
You can do this ! 😄💐

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 12/03/2018 08:31

Unbelievable cheek! What's wrong with people?Angry

CheeseyToast · 12/03/2018 08:45

Practice saying no before they ask again. You don't have to get be a reason but you may find it easier to do so.

Say, Oh I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to babysit anymore as my health isn't good.

Then stop. Don't say any more, else you'll over-apologise or end up agreeing to another time. Just keep shaking your head if they go on.

I know it's hard for you if you're accustomed to being a pleaser, and I really hate the way some posters pile in to call names on these sorts of threads. Not helpful.

One step at a time OP. Tell her no this time and keep checking in here if you need more support to stick to your guns.

I used to end up doing all sorts of things I didn't want to and even now I have to rehearse my responses when saying no.

Good luck!!

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