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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a weird message from colleague?

294 replies

Octaviaeight · 10/03/2018 19:46

New colleague sat next to me for about a month (she's been in the company a year but just moved to my department).

She messaged me on Facebook last night and said just letting you know that I was in a car crash last night.

I wasn't at work this week and I won't be next week either so wouldn't have noticed her missing.

I'm not her manager, her absence doesn't need to be reported to me at all.

Obviously I asked how she was but I'm not a close friend of hers. We've never socialised.

She has a boyfriend and lots of family so she's not lonely.

Is that an odd message to send?

OP posts:
Hellsbellscockleshells · 10/03/2018 21:34

YABU - I she obviously cares/thinks more about you than you do of her whether or not you are in work all week or not.
I do a job share without any crossover time used to see each other part of one day a week and we still communicate whether or not we are in work or whether or not it’s work related.
I have a few work colleagues who I am friendly with obviously some more so than others their are also some weirdly strange strange stand offish colleagues.

MidniteScribbler · 10/03/2018 21:34

Good grief, what a massive overreaction.

In my team, we send a text message to everyone if we aren't going to be in. It's better to have a bit of prior notice so you can get yourself organised, rather than finding out at 8:30 that someone won't be there. It's been like that in quite a few places I have worked. If she has worked somewhere similar, then it was probably habit just to let people around her know she won't be in.

PoorYorick · 10/03/2018 21:35

Of course it does, it puts me in the position of where I’m expected to engage with the person, if you message back then they keep messaging you and it just ends up horribly intrusive .

My God. How do you leave the house? How do you Mumsnet? Are we being intrusive right now? How do you just generally survive in the concrete jungle?

Original poster
Octaviaeight · 10/03/2018 21:36

Can’t be doing with the cruel people on here that made a joke about my mother for me to tell them actually she died. As I didn’t want that joke to continue

For then to just respond Oh my god.

How disgusting and cruel can you get? I’m done. Enjoy your laughs.

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 10/03/2018 21:36

There are some weird people in internetland.

She's just been through trauma she may well have forgotten that you're not in this week. And thought she'd better let the women she sits next to at work know in case the manager doesn't pass the info on.

So far so normal. Everything else is batshit.

GnotherGnu · 10/03/2018 21:37

I think if I had worked next to someone for a month and expected to do so for the foreseeable future, I'd be at the very least quite surprised if they had apparently fucked off indefinitely without saying anything to me. I suspect she was worried you might be offended if she hadn't let you know.

FissionChips · 10/03/2018 21:38

Like I said before , they can approach me in real life MadMags, whats the issue with that?Hmm

RidingWindhorses · 10/03/2018 21:38

Xpost -

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 10/03/2018 21:38

Octaviaeight

Hmm Emotional manipulation when your tantrum doesn't stop people disagreeing. Nice.

RidingWindhorses · 10/03/2018 21:39

Sorry to hear it OP, but this is a very odd thread.

InsomniacAnonymous · 10/03/2018 21:39

It was only a Facebook message. It's not as if she found out the OP's address so that she could come round and pound on her front door to tell her! What a massive overreaction.

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 21:40

How do you know my "Oh My God" post was aimed directly at you losing your mother. I was generally expressing my surprise at this thread.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 10/03/2018 21:40

It was only a Facebook message. It's not as if she found out the OP's address so that she could come round and pound on her front door to tell her!

Although according to Fission, that would be infinitely more acceptable than a message because it's real life

Bugjune · 10/03/2018 21:40

Is it a full moon tonight?

PoorYorick · 10/03/2018 21:41

Like I said before , they can approach me in real life MadMags, whats the issue with that?

You find a FB message more intrusive than a real-life approach?

So if I messaged you on Facebook about work tomorrow, that's a problem, but if I rock up to your front door, that's totally cool?

Anyway, what if I'm nowhere near you?

MadisonMontgomery · 10/03/2018 21:41

Maybe you should just delete Facebook.

Nibblertron · 10/03/2018 21:42

Oh my god OP, you actually blocked her??

How could you do that to someone you’ve worked with for a year?? Shock

frasier · 10/03/2018 21:42

Someone else has probably said this, but perhaps she is in shock

Emmageddon · 10/03/2018 21:43

I will never understand why someone accepts a workmate's friend request on facebook, then gets her tits in a tangle when the workmate has the audacity to message her about something important that has happened. Don't accept friend requests from colleagues in the future avoid all this drama.

lightoflaluna · 10/03/2018 21:43

Some people just don't make a big deal about sending someone a message. I reckon she justvwanted to keep you in the loop, or maybe just likes the cut of your jib and felt that this could be a development of a new acquaintance into a potential friend.

I think you've overreacted.

alligatortoss · 10/03/2018 21:43

Emotional manipulation when your tantrum doesn't stop people disagreeing. Nice.

Just can’t help yourself can you?

Aibu really is the pits.

MadMags · 10/03/2018 21:44

Like I said before , they can approach me in real life MadMags, whats the issue with that?

So you only ever deal with people face to face? Ever? No phone calls or texts? No letters?

Aye okay! Grin

LanguidLobster · 10/03/2018 21:45

Nibbler I think they've only been colleagues a few weeks.

I don't find the message odd, it can be quite normal to 'blurt' things out after a shock.

OP has responded though so it's done and dusted.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 21:47

I'd be very wary she's trying to strike up a friendship and my response would be with that in mind. I wouldn't want to build a friendship with a colleague so I would not reply and next time I saw her if she said anything just brush it off with a 'oh I don't use messenger much'.

SoftSheen · 10/03/2018 21:48

YABU and weird.