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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a weird message from colleague?

294 replies

Octaviaeight · 10/03/2018 19:46

New colleague sat next to me for about a month (she's been in the company a year but just moved to my department).

She messaged me on Facebook last night and said just letting you know that I was in a car crash last night.

I wasn't at work this week and I won't be next week either so wouldn't have noticed her missing.

I'm not her manager, her absence doesn't need to be reported to me at all.

Obviously I asked how she was but I'm not a close friend of hers. We've never socialised.

She has a boyfriend and lots of family so she's not lonely.

Is that an odd message to send?

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/03/2018 19:53

It’s like the twilight zone in here...

applesandpears56 · 11/03/2018 19:57

God op you sound awful and judgy

That was a completely normal message to send

You’ve been sat next to each other for a month and are fb - it would be odd if you didn’t know she’d been in a crash!

notacooldad · 11/03/2018 20:00

I would just ignore and put on my restricted list. A work college is just that.
I’d block and blank though , unexpected communication freaks me out

Blimey, there's some odd people on here!

UnrelentingFruitScoffer · 11/03/2018 20:20

@Fissionchips

You sound like you need help to behave like an adult. This is not a message from a random stranger. It is a short, polite message from a work colleague who has been sitting at the next desk for a month. It makes no demands but gives some brief information about an unexpected circumstance.

If you block people for this kind of thing you are not behaving like an adult.

Serialweightwatcher · 11/03/2018 20:21

notacooldad I agree - such strange views like everyone on the planet apart from immediate family is a potential threat/stalker - worrying what this world will be like in 10 years and more

cherish123 · 11/03/2018 20:27

This is not really a weird message. She probably feels a bit shaken up and wants to tell someone. Maybe she is trying to spark up a friendship.

FissionChips · 11/03/2018 20:28

You sound like you need help to behave like an adult

I don’t stamp around tantruming like a toddler Grin.

mylaptopismylapdog · 11/03/2018 20:35

Having had an accident this week, ( thankfully no one hurt), but not in my own country, I know I have been sore and in shock. As a consequence I have been overreacting to all sorts of things for the rest of the week, so I would be charitable and just ask how she is.

PoorYorick · 11/03/2018 20:53

Right, well. A few examples of times someone I didn't know and wasn't expecting knocked at my door:

  • A woman down the road had scraped a car and was trying to find out whose it was so she could pay for the damage. (It wasn't mine. But what if it had been and I hadn't answered?)
  • Another neighbour's driveway was blocked and she couldn't get out. She needed to find out whose car it was so she could ask them to move. (Again, not mine.)
  • Courier wanting to leave a parcel for a neighbour with me. The neighbour himself dropped round about 7pm to collect it and I'd never seen him either. Don't ask me how I coped with this.
  • Man and his little daughter asking if I'd seen their lost cat. That was really sad but at least I could check my garage while they were there and be sure the cat wasn't there.
  • Someone doing a survey for the local police force, had to knock on doors as it needed to be people living in the area.

I really find it utterly weird that anyone should be offended at the very idea of their door being knocked on, when you haven't got a clue what it's for. Nobody likes being bothered by salesmen, chuggers or JWs, but I'm told they do usually take heed of those 'fuck off' signs, knowing they won't get a bite there. And I've had enough practise now in overcoming my Britishness and have no problem telling them 'no thank you' and just shutting the door.

This idea that it's somehow a terrible faux pas to knock on someone's door even when you have a legitimate reason for it is just bizarre. Not as bizarre as the people who would block and delete a work colleague for sending a normal message though.

Wauden · 11/03/2018 21:02

Of course it was not an odd message to send. You were sitting next to her for a month- that's many hours, and you think that it is odd she lets you know that she had a terrible thing happen to her? Confused

CosyLulu · 12/03/2018 03:37

OP has done a classic light the fuse, sprinkle on a bit of petrol, get huffy, then run. Probably sat back with popcorn for a while ...

Fission - what if there was a knock at the door, you snuck up to your rusty perphole, looked out and saw, I dunno, Tom Hardy. Would you break your rule and open the door? Or if it was Santa or the Queen? Or anyone?

mixture · 12/03/2018 04:07

I wouldn't want to build a friendship with a colleague so I would not reply and next time I saw her if she said anything just brush it off with a 'oh I don't use messenger much'.

That explains why I haven't been able to make any friends since my school days.

HonkyWonkWoman · 12/03/2018 04:41

Some very unfriendly people on here. I think that the OP's colleague was just letting her know why she might not be in work for a while or maybe preparing her for her walking into work on crutches. Maybe! I don't know!
But I think the OP is odd for thinking it odd!

Kitchenbound · 12/03/2018 05:00

There are an awful lot of people on this thread that I'm glad I don't know. Jesus. Maybe she was trying to become your friend and let you know? Maybe she already considers you a friend? Some people feel like sitting next to someone at work makes them friends. I would just respond with something along the lines of hope you're ok etc and leave it at that. I don't find it unreasonable to be a bit weirded out by it but she's probably got a reason in her mind why she would want you to know.

daisychain01 · 12/03/2018 05:43

It's a sad reflection of the modern time, when people are on "social media" and are fine if someone shares trivia like photos of their dinner, talk about their beach holiday, show off about their new car / kitchen/ outfit, but cannot cope with a real world situation. In this case the reality of someone having experienced a car crash.

Before social media, this would have triggered a reaction such as OMG are you OK, is there anything I can do etc? People can't deal with RL. Only the highly edited and manipulated illusion of people's lives who are "friends" in name only.

kungpopanda · 12/03/2018 05:58

The only response the OP should have made is 'oh fuck, not fatal then?' and then blocked the weird random colleague.

And the OP should a lso note that they do not have an actual monopoly on dead parents, but oh how sad, boo hoo, all the same.

Strewth. Social Animal 101. Or bring a note from a (non-dead, ideally, but if you are a decent forger go for it) parent excusing you.

Ohyuck2018 · 12/03/2018 07:12

Oooooh, another AIBU thread where the posters answer YES you are and the OP jumps on the defence!

Seriously OP, why did you accept her onto Facebook? Facebook is a way of keeping in contact with friends and family, I don't feel it should be used for people you don't consider to be either. You are happy to share your life via Facebook with her, but aren't happy for her to let you know about a big incident in her life?

As other posters have said, it could be that she has forgotten you will be off, and may have facial bruising, it could be that she will be off for a while, or could have an injury that will effect her work and when you come back she felt you shouldn't be in the dark with why her work load may have been temporarily reduced / altered, or why people are asking how she is a bit more. Not weird to let you know in the slightest, more the opposite and quite considerate as she doesn't want you to feel in the dark.

You sound like you aren't bothered with this girl, so while harsh in one way, I would say remove her from Facebook, BUT explain that you have chosen to reduce your friends list to those closer to you. If you wish to communicate in real life that is. But if you have the same attitude in real life than you do to her message, then I'd say don't bother.

Turnitaroundagain · 12/03/2018 07:28

I feel a bit sorry for you that you think this is weird. Your weird radar is way off kilter. You’ve obviously never lived in a world without mobile phones....I suggest next time you’re compelled to call someone’s behaviour “weird” consider what you would do in their shoes. this Is just a start, mind you’ve got a long way to go.

Jobjobjob · 12/03/2018 07:33

Perhaps she’s trying to start a friendship?
I’d block and blank though , unexpected communication freaks me out

^^what an extremely odd response!

She was probably shocked and needed a bit of TLC from people. Hope she's ok!

mixture · 12/03/2018 08:23

I think the OP has left the thread several pages ago, since the thread has sort of gone off on a tangent, starting with the "blank and block" comment about unsolicited messages..

ShirleyPhallus · 12/03/2018 10:54

Best. Thread. Ever.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/03/2018 12:05

Why. Is. It?

halfwitpicker · 12/03/2018 12:07

WTAF

Why is it so odd that she messaged you?
You've sat next to her for a month!

ZaZathecat · 12/03/2018 12:18

She probably thought it polite to let you know, as she wouldn't be around for a while and normally sits next to you. So when people come over saying "oh where's so-and-so today?" you have an answer, and so that you are not wondering yourself.

Don't worry, other posters, I have met many nice, friendly people at work (as well as a few who were not but they were a small minority).

ShirleyPhallus · 12/03/2018 12:48

Because it’s so fucking weird that it’s a lot more entertaining than the majority of the threads on here

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