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Original poster

To tell mother of French exchange that she was stealing?

180 replies

TuttiFrutti · 10/03/2018 14:43

We have just hosted two French 10 year old girls in an exchange for a week (felt like a month). I'll call them Girl A and Girl B. I had built up an email contact with Girl A's mother in the weeks before the visit, but knew nothing about Girl B because it was a last minute substitution.

They were obsessed with fidget spinners and my DD bought them some with her own pocket money as a present.

On the night before their departure, they were packing and DD and her English friend walked past their open bedroom door and noticed one of DD's fidget spinners on top of Girl A's closed suitcase. They thought this was a bit odd so they opened Girl B's suitcase and discovered another of DD's fidget spinners in the suitcase, hidden under some clothes. They took it out, didn't tell the girls but came and told me. I decided not to confront them (regretting this now) because it was their last night and we had got the fidget spinner back anyway.

On the morning of their departure they were all playing with a pot of slime which my DD had bought 2 days before. I drove them into school and the two French girls were whispering together in the back of the car. When I got home guess what? The pot of slime had disappeared.

My DD and I feel quite shocked and let down that we made a huge effort to make them feel welcome and they have betrayed our trust like this.

I have told the school and they are going to tell the French school on Monday.

Do I tell the mother of Girl A? She has just What's Apped me an effusive thank you - do I reply at all?

My DD has the option to go back to France in the summer. Amazingly, she still wants to. When the family find out I have reported them for theft they may feel a bit differently of course. Or is the situation salveagable??? WWYD?

OP posts:
Clarissalarissa · 10/03/2018 14:57

You don't know whether the French school will raise it with the parents or not.
I think that to keep things as simple as possible I would probably just not respond to the whatsapp, unless it was phrased in such a way that she obviously expected you to answer. In which case, maybe just say "I'm glad the girls enjoyed their holiday and got home safely. Best wishes."

Phosphorus · 10/03/2018 15:07

They are very young.

For the sake of a pot of slime and a fidget spinner, I'd leave it.

Is your daughter staying with them soon?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 15:12

Wwid? Nothing I don’t think. It’s a pot of slime not your Rolex.

MrsPresley · 10/03/2018 15:14

To be honest, your DD doesn't come across as very nice either!

She saw a spinner on As case, so rifled through Bs case? And if B took the spinner, why would you be telling As mum?

I don't understand why a spinner sitting on top of a closed case is odd? Maybe it was on the floor and A put it on top of her case to remind her to give it to your DD.

As for the slime, you can't prove who, if anyone, took it.

Firgoodnesssake · 10/03/2018 15:15

A pot of slime isn’t worth getting annoyed about. Take a chill pill

WipsGlitter · 10/03/2018 15:18

I also thought it was going to be shoplifting or something serious!

Allthebestnamesareused · 10/03/2018 15:20

I suspect any invite to your child will now be rescinded!

heateallthebuns · 10/03/2018 15:21

It's only a pot of slime and a figdet spinner. Plus they might have thought they were bought for them, English not being their first language. It's hard to be away from home as a child and not speak the language properly. I should think they were whispering because they were tired of speaking English and felt self conscious, it would be much easier for them to whisper in French.

PotteringAlong · 10/03/2018 15:25

It’s a pot of slime. I think you’re overreacting here.

Original poster
TuttiFrutti · 10/03/2018 15:26

OK, so I should just let it go? But they still stole from us, when they were staying in our house. And no, they definitely wouldn't have thought my DD's things were meant to be presents for them, hence covering them up with clothes in the suitcase.

OP posts:
TheJoyOfSox · 10/03/2018 15:26

I wouldn’t tell the mother, leave it as it is now.

greenlanes · 10/03/2018 15:26

Our French exchange stole from us (40 years ago). Only chocolates but they weren't hers to take. But then most of the rest of the group were caught shop lifting in Canterbury. I don't think my grammar school ever ran a French exchange again.

I am not scarred I recently hosted groups of French teenagers and found them to be delightful.

I would probably let the school deal with it and just see how things go over the next couple of months,

flowerslemonade · 10/03/2018 15:26

I feel the opposite to the above. It doesn't matter what it is. It's that they took things. And they took or tried to take 3 items that belong to your daughter?

Phosphorus · 10/03/2018 15:31

As an aside, had your daughter been unkind to them during their stay?

Going through their luggage really is thoroughly despicable behaviour, and I'm surprised she felt entitled to do it.

It does make me wonder how she behaved towards the children who were guests in her home.

BarbarianMum · 10/03/2018 15:32

How do you know that A stole anything? Because they were whispering? Did you understand what they were saying?

heateallthebuns · 10/03/2018 15:32

Surely hiding it under clothes in a case is just packing? If it was hidden why leave another one on top of the case?

blueshoes · 10/03/2018 15:32

It is theft. I would keep it neutral with the parent but tell the school (through your school). Perhaps for the next lot of exchange students, the French school can remind the dds not to take things from the host family without permission.

A 10 year old knows what theft is. It is insulting to suggest otherwise. You are doing them a favour to stop such devious behaviour in its tracks. Petty theft as an adult could lose a person their job or licence to practice.

Tara336 · 10/03/2018 15:34

Fidget spinner today Rolex tomorrow? If it was my child I’d want to know tbh. Shrugging it off as not a big deal is why we have the problems we do these days.

blueshoes · 10/03/2018 15:34

So if someone is unkind to you, you can help yourself to their items?

If I thought someone was stealing from me, I would check their items too if I had the opportunity. Privacy goes out the window at that point. OP's dd was vindicated when she found more items.

MrMeSeeks · 10/03/2018 15:36

Doesn't matter if it's slime and spinner, they weren't theirs to take.
So if it was dds jewellery it would be different?

MrMeSeeks · 10/03/2018 15:37

Surely hiding it under clothes in a case is just packing? If it was hidden why leave another one on top of the case?
Hiding stolen items under clothes is packing?

MichaelBendfaster · 10/03/2018 15:38

Maybe ask the school how/if you should take it up with the parents?

Viviennemary · 10/03/2018 15:38

I don't think the items which are missing are really worth bothering about tbh. I certainly wouldn't go telling parents about such trivialities. You've told the school. that's probably enough. I don't think Interpol will be called out. Confused

JoJoSM2 · 10/03/2018 15:38

How was their standard of English? you say DD bought them fidget spinners as presents and bought the slime while they were staying with you. Are you sure there wasn't a miscommunication?

Original poster
TuttiFrutti · 10/03/2018 15:39

BarbarianMum, I don't know for sure that A stole anything - although B definitely did. But they seemed to be in cahoots, they are close friends and did their packing together so I think A was at least aware.

Phosphorus - going through their luggage is thoroughly despicable behaviour - but my DD was suspicious, and was right to be suspicious. They had been rifling through her bedroom first to get the fidget spinner so it's nothing they had not done. And no, she hadn't been unkind at all, she had gone to a lot of trouble to make them feel welcome and had bought them presents out of her pocket money.

OP posts: