To tell mother of French exchange that she was stealing?

[TuttiFrutti]

We have just hosted two French 10 year old girls in an exchange for a week (felt like a month). I'll call them Girl A and Girl B. I had built up an email contact with Girl A's mother in the weeks before the visit, but knew nothing about Girl B because it was a last minute substitution.

They were obsessed with fidget spinners and my DD bought them some with her own pocket money as a present.

On the night before their departure, they were packing and DD and her English friend walked past their open bedroom door and noticed one of DD's fidget spinners on top of Girl A's closed suitcase. They thought this was a bit odd so they opened Girl B's suitcase and discovered another of DD's fidget spinners in the suitcase, hidden under some clothes. They took it out, didn't tell the girls but came and told me. I decided not to confront them (regretting this now) because it was their last night and we had got the fidget spinner back anyway.

On the morning of their departure they were all playing with a pot of slime which my DD had bought 2 days before. I drove them into school and the two French girls were whispering together in the back of the car. When I got home guess what? The pot of slime had disappeared.

My DD and I feel quite shocked and let down that we made a huge effort to make them feel welcome and they have betrayed our trust like this.

I have told the school and they are going to tell the French school on Monday.

Do I tell the mother of Girl A? She has just What's Apped me an effusive thank you - do I reply at all?

My DD has the option to go back to France in the summer. Amazingly, she still wants to. When the family find out I have reported them for theft they may feel a bit differently of course. Or is the situation salveagable??? WWYD?

OP's dd didnt check girl A's case and there is no reason to think girl A has stolen anything. So why tell her mum she's a thief?

Just to add I think rifling through somebody else's suitcase is at least as bad as the supposed stealing.

It doesn't matter what the items are - it's taking what doesn't belong to them. It shows a lack of respect at the very least. However, if your DD is looking forward to her visit, and the girls get on well, I'd keep quiet, or her experience could be unpleasant. Just make sure she doesn't take anything valuable or precious with her!

phosphorous - so it's ok for the girls to steal something, but not ok for OP's DD to look for it???

It's a pot of slime and a fidget spinner, it's no big deal.

Most kids have long forgotten about fidget spinners - why are they still "cool" in your house?

No I meant if she thought she was stealing, why leave the other fidget spinner on top of the case? It doesn't sound like she was hiding the other one under clothes, she could have been just packing it as she thought it was a gift due to poor English. Did you ask the girls that to check it wasn't a misunderstanding?

Your post doesn't make sense - you say DD bought these girls some fidget spinners as a present?

If your daughter goes to stay with them, buy a little combination padlock for her bag/case and advise her to keep stuff locked in her bag.

I don’t understand why you want to contact mother of A when you think child B has been stealing.

I also think that your daughter seeing a fidget spinner on the top of a closed case and then deciding to search through a different case is wrong and I’d be annoyed with that. Especially as you actually say your daughter bought some for them to play with - reasonable for a 10 year old to think it’s theirs to keep.

As for the slime - I can’t actually believe you’re serious. Unless I’m the only one with kids who manage to ‘lose’ things the second they’re put down.

CreamBun2 - my DD bought them one each as a present, but her own ones were different colours, so it was obvious they weren't the same. It just added insult to injury really that while she had been generous, they had taken her gift and also stolen her own stuff.

I am sure that it must be a horrible feeling to suspect that guests in your home have stolen from you. I think that these are young children with possibly poor understanding and I would tend to give the benefit of the doubt.
I definitely wouldn't drag Girl A and her mother into anything. I would probably remember Girl B unfavourably.
I would be far from pleased with my DD if I thought she had opened someone else's bag , whatever her suspicions.

A pot of slime and a fidget spinner, I can't believe you're bothered about it, and these are 10yr olds.
Honestly, let it go.

But surely they were theirs? You said your "DD bought them some with her own pocket money as a present" So they packed them thinking they were theirs.

Not worth the drama. Let it go, don't host them again.

10 year old children do stupid things.
Leave it

At least you've acquired a story your family will no doubt rehash for the next 50 years.

That's what my family would do. Tell it and re-tell it like it was the great train robbery.

Go on, grandma, what happened next? Did mummy look in the other suitcase????

Never mind the slime, my mind is boggling at the thought of foreign exchange for 10 year old . Is this though your DCs school? There is no way I'd have a couple of extra 10 year old for a week. One is enough. Although the thought of packing him off for a week is quite appealing

Seriously, OP. I would report to the school and leave it at that.

They're very young and there's a bit of a language barrier, as others have said there might have been a modicum of miscommunication.

Also, I wouldn't be impressed with a child of mine rifling through someone else's belongings. Your DD and her friend had no business going through B's suitcase.

I was thinking that too Snowy, it's far too young for me to be comfortable with, and I suspect the kids deep down too.

Just discussed this with my DD2 who is 11. She thinks it would be poetic justice if your daughter stole her stuff back while she's staying with them in France. Not that we are really suggesting this of course! (2 wrongs not making a right and all that).

I had an awful French exchange experience when I was 13 with a girl who did nothing but sneer at our house and our stuff and then, when I went to stay in France, made a point of talking about me with her friends in incomprehensible French and laughing. My younger sister didn't do the French exchange because of my experience.

NinjangoNinja, you made me laugh!
I reckon we'll be doing just that.

I'd be furious at a 10 year old for going through someone's suitcase.

Posters really should have to pass a comprehension test before they post, it’s getting ridiculous.

The OP’s DD bought each of the girls a fidget spinner, they were a different colour to her fidget spinners. Girl B stole DD’s fidget spinner, hiding it in her bag and Girl A had one on her bag, intention unknown. They also took the slime.

If you're planning on sending your dd this summer don't say anything. To the school or to the parents. And anyway don't mention it to the school- it's a big organisational feat with lots of risks, the teacher in charge really shouldn't have to deal with this.