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Original poster

To tell mother of French exchange that she was stealing?

180 replies

TuttiFrutti · 10/03/2018 14:43

We have just hosted two French 10 year old girls in an exchange for a week (felt like a month). I'll call them Girl A and Girl B. I had built up an email contact with Girl A's mother in the weeks before the visit, but knew nothing about Girl B because it was a last minute substitution.

They were obsessed with fidget spinners and my DD bought them some with her own pocket money as a present.

On the night before their departure, they were packing and DD and her English friend walked past their open bedroom door and noticed one of DD's fidget spinners on top of Girl A's closed suitcase. They thought this was a bit odd so they opened Girl B's suitcase and discovered another of DD's fidget spinners in the suitcase, hidden under some clothes. They took it out, didn't tell the girls but came and told me. I decided not to confront them (regretting this now) because it was their last night and we had got the fidget spinner back anyway.

On the morning of their departure they were all playing with a pot of slime which my DD had bought 2 days before. I drove them into school and the two French girls were whispering together in the back of the car. When I got home guess what? The pot of slime had disappeared.

My DD and I feel quite shocked and let down that we made a huge effort to make them feel welcome and they have betrayed our trust like this.

I have told the school and they are going to tell the French school on Monday.

Do I tell the mother of Girl A? She has just What's Apped me an effusive thank you - do I reply at all?

My DD has the option to go back to France in the summer. Amazingly, she still wants to. When the family find out I have reported them for theft they may feel a bit differently of course. Or is the situation salveagable??? WWYD?

OP posts:
HateTheDF · 10/03/2018 16:10

Creambun2 - so you should only buy things if they are cool/

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/03/2018 16:12

I think it’s easy enough to say ‘Oh it’s just fidget spinners & slime’ but that’s not the point. They took her DD’s things, it doesn’t matter if it was a fidget spinner or a necklace passed down through 6 generations.

They’re French, not aliens. They know if they’re given A fidget spinner, this doesn’t imply that any other fidget spinner in a 10 mile radius is also theirs.

I hope they haven’t taken anything else you’ve not noticed yet.

TatianaLarina · 10/03/2018 16:12

My sister’s French exchange stole one of my Bob Dylan albums and a suede miniskirt - shit happens.

MrMeSeeks · 10/03/2018 16:13

Most kids have long forgotten about fidget spinners - why are they still "cool" in your house?
Oh right so when things become uncool we should stop liking them and dump them?
That's great Hmm

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/03/2018 16:14

the teacher in charge really shouldn't have to deal with this

No? If not the teacher, then who? Or should we just ignore theft?

heateallthebuns · 10/03/2018 16:15

Annie I don't think people need a comprehension test. Ten year old girls who speak a different first language could easily think any of the fidget spinners could be their's, regardless of colour. Op hasn't said she asked them, it could have been a misunderstanding.

pallisers · 10/03/2018 16:18

10 year olds shouldn't steal things
10 year olds shouldn't open other people's suitcases and rifle through them
Adults shouldn't care so much the moral turpitude of children they will never see again when it relates to the alleged theft of a pot of slime

Aeroflotgirl · 10/03/2018 16:19

Leave it, if they had been stealing high priced items or money, I would. Gosh they are still young to go on exchange for a week.

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 16:21

If a kid is staying with me, I reserve the right to check their suitcase, especially if they've been mocking my stuff. Yes, they're only ten and the stuff is of a trivial nature, but stealing from your host is so obviously not okay, I would tell the school.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 10/03/2018 16:21

Grass them up?really?taking slime,an impulsive daft act not crime of century
Rifling through a suitcase to uncover clues, uncover the wanton deceit

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 16:21

Nicking, not mocking!

Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/03/2018 16:22

Oh my gosh. Yes, they are young, there is a language barrier. My first thought would have been that it had been mixed up with the one that had been stolen. As for the slime, in a house with multiple small children present a toy going missing doesn’t mean it’s been stolen. It’ll probably turn up under your sofa or in the car foot well.

I would also be questioning whether the fidget spinner story could possibly be a bit of a far fetched story on behalf of your daughter to justify rifling through the other child’s bag. It would have been obvious she’d done it, so regardless of whether or not she’d found anything she would have had to come up with an excuse. I don’t think I would instantly believe that extremely implausible story about suspicions raised by a fidget spinner on a case (why?) leading to vindication was true either. If your daughter believed something of hers was in the other child’s bag she should have told you, not rifled through the bag. Condoning that sort of behaviour is massively inappropriate.

So what you have here is a bit of a far fetched story from your daughter and a missing toy. It could be a misunderstanding, your daughter might be up to no good, it could be a loss.

If you’re immediately labelling this ‘theft’ despite very little evidence I think you’re probably a very unsuitable person to be taking care of other people’s small children. I would advise you not to do it again. You seem to be much to highly strung to be suitable.

Jumping from the very limited knowledge you have about what’s happened to labelling two small children thieves to their parents is pretty unpleasant. Especially when you are parent to a child who sees no problem with rifling through other people’s bags for the most spurious reasons and you condone this. You’re ‘re not a suitable household for other people’s children to bein and you shouldn’t be doing this again. Your boundaries regarding respect for the other children are way out of whack.

Original poster
TuttiFrutti · 10/03/2018 16:22

Heateallthebuns, it definitely wasn't a misunderstanding. If you go into someone's bedroom uninvited and take something off their shelves, how can you think it was meant to be a present for you? Even a 10 year old would understand what they were doing.

I don't think the language barrier is relevant here, because that situation is the same in any culture.

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/03/2018 16:23

I mean that she had mixed the ‘stolen’ one up with her present. Or that it was accidentally wrapped up with her clothes.

heateallthebuns · 10/03/2018 16:23

Have you asked them if it was a misunderstanding? You could take it off the shelves because you thought it was yours.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 10/03/2018 16:24

Are you an Old Testament house,do you live by a very strict moral code

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 16:27

But your DD shouldn't have opened the suitcase, OP. That's not on.

ovenchips · 10/03/2018 16:28

It's a bit annoying though all you actually know for sure is your DD's fidget spinner was inside child B's suitcase.

That ain't worth anyone's headspace. And there is nothing to be gained by not replying nicely to child A's mother's thank you.

Let. It. Go.

mrsm43s · 10/03/2018 16:28

I hope your daughter was severely punished for going rifling through the other girl's suitcase. Nasty. You should be very ashamed of her.

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2018 16:28

I suspect the visit didn't go as well as you think. The French girl stole. But your daughter went rifling through her packed case. I'm actually not sure which is worse really.

For me they have all behaved badly. If your daughter was suspicious she could have come and told you and you could have spoken to the girls. Sneakily going through her guests case is shitty behaviour. My daughter wouldn't have done that, but had she done, I'd have read her the riot act.

I don't get why you think it's ok. Do you do it if you're suspicious? Wait till your guests aren't looking and rifle through their stuff?

I wouldn't proceed with the return trip. Too much damage has been done.

Text back to the mum and say you're welcome or something. None of the kids cover themselves in glory here and the trip was not a success.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/03/2018 16:29

I’m sorry, that’s bollocks. These are kids and fidget spinners. No way in heck could you know precisely where it was and why it was taken.

Your daughter could have left it around anywhere and forgotten. At any point the girls could have all been in the room together and it could have been picked up and passed it around.

This is horrible. You’re putting 2+2 together and making 57.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/03/2018 16:32

Jeez, no wonder things get stolen off my desk all the time in work (I work in a secondary school). It seems some parents are raising their kids with the attitude that it’s fine to take someone else’s belongings because they’re only young, they’re only cheap items and it’s making a mountain of a molehill to complain about it!

I wonder if you would argue your case if it was YOUR daughter being complained about by the French host family for taking something that belonged to a French host child. I would be horrified and ashamed if my child did that as he has been brought up properly to respect people’s property, no matter how cheap or expensive. I would assume he was taking it out of pure greed if he had already been given his own as a present, very generously, by his host exchange child.

For all this French girl knows, the stolen fidget spinner was bought by a relative who had since died so had sentimental value to OP’s DD. She had no right to take it. None at all.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/03/2018 16:34

I'd let whoever the school authority/coordinator is know what happened and leave it there. The girls are going to deny it anyway, and since there is no proof even though you know what happened, it's going to be a 'dead issue'. Chances are that a "Do you know what your DD did?" isn't going to be 'well received' by girl A's parents, especially since the spinner was NOT found in her case and for the other spinner, that she will say "I put the spinner on top of my case so I'd remember to give it back to DD". As far as the slime, again you don't know which girl actually has it and both will lie. Let the schools handle it.

I wouldn't say anything to girl A's mum as the spinner was found in girl B's case so all you really have is on girl A is suspicion and 'guilt by association'. Same for the slime, you don't know who has it.

But I wouldn't host either of them again if future hosting was a possibility. And I might prefer that if my DD were to go to France that they stayed with a different family. My concern would be that girl A and/or girl B would be a bad influence on my DD and get her into trouble or blame her for something they did.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2018 16:34

I thought you were going to say they helped themselves to the contents of your purse or an item of jewellery.
For a pot of slime (missing) and a fidget spinner (not actually stolen)? You've already gone much, much further than I would have bothered.

BrendasUmbrella · 10/03/2018 16:35

I'd be furious at a 10 year old for going through someone's suitcase.

I'd be furious at the other child for being a thief, but different strokes...

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