Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

Most women in my circle were over 35 for first baby!

Judgey Mums are so annoying. Who gives a shit how old other Mums are?! Really, if you've had a quiet enough day to form an opinion on something that has bugger all to do with you it's time to have another yourself as you clearly have too much time on your hands.

I only had my 1st at 33...had my 4th last year at 41! Most of my mum friends are between 37-45 and a few even older.. Those in their 20s & early 30s are definitely in the minority with my elder 2 but I’m sure I’ll be the old granny once my baby starts school😳

39 (will be 40 this year and just had my first and still considering a 2nd. I don't feel old and I have never been made to feel old either when I was pregnant or now. There's more over 35 ftms than under 25 now.

Bloody hell, where do you live?? Where I am it is normal for women to have their first 40+ and then go on to have another!
My friend was 39 with her first and told the midwife she was surprised she wasn't get more special attention from the health service as an 'older mum' . The midwife was scornful - her reply was , 'This is XXXX (name of her 'hood)! You are one of my younger ladies!'

I needed clomid to fall pregnant with my 1st 3 at 32, 35 & 37 and no fertility drugs for no.4 at 40!

I'm not sure it is an area thing, more a class thing. Eg I am from a deprived area up north but know lots of older Mums- mostly upper W/C or middle class who have put career first.

If you go to one children's centre in more deprived area of the town where I live you will see lots of young Mums, but go to children's centre in more affluent area- older Mums.

I had my first at 29 (she's now nearly 20) and I remember a comment from a midwife about me being an "older mum". Utterly ridiculous. However, I had my 2nd at 42, he's now 7 and I am definitely the oldest mum in the playground. Many of my friends are becoming grandparents now (most are younger than me). I don't feel or look remotely "old". I am, however, knackered

Being horribly blunt: what’s the area like? 😁

Mate of mine had her first at 29. In the her first antenatal class she was the oldest by several years and had all this rubbish. She moved halfway to a Naice Area and was then the youngest by several years and endured faux concern about her youth.

Which goes to show you can’t win ;)

30 isn’t even slightly old. I’m having my second soon at (shock horror!) almost 40... and I’m not the oldest Mum to be I know by a LONG way.

You’ll be fine. Welcome to the realisation that as a Mum, all your choices are public property and to be criticised

I think if you have a baby in your 40s then you will be an older mum. Sorry, but a 50 year old woman with children in reception/year one is going to be viewed as an older mum especially if the dad is in his sixties.

There's a bit of a difference between a woman who has children in her 30s though. It's known as 10 years.

I was 32 and lived in London when I had my first. Was definitely not a older mum, most mums I met were around my age or older. I was 34 when I had my second by which point I'd moved right out to the country and there are definitely fewer 'older' first time mums here. Either way it really doesn't matter, you'll fine a mix of both, however it's weighted.

50 is not what it was a good few years ago- I know that celebs aren't the norm, but people are ageing differently now. Look at Kylie for instance. If she turned up to nursery to pick her kid up no one would think ooooh older Mum. Equally once I dye my hair I don't think I will be regarded as an older Mum either.

Don't worry, OP, the NHS doesn't class you as what used to be referred to by the medical profession as a geriatric mum 'til you're 35 .

30 is young! whoever said that is just trying to feel better about having started very young

Elendon, I know what you mean, I remember going to a meeting for new parents and seeing a couple and thinking, wow, how, what?! They must have been 52 ish at a meeting for the parents of four year olds. They had adopted a little girl from abroad. I just think it catches your eye a bit.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthsbyparentscharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2015
^^ this
Had my 1st at 32 and about to have my 3rd at 41. All women in parent groups when I had my first were same age as me or older...

I had my son at 35, so am now doing the school run at 42, but don’t feel like an ‘old mum’!! There is a mix at our school, some mums in their 20s some in their 40s but we all get on well!! It’s down to your attitude, do what feels right, but I will throw in the dreaded ‘don’t leave it too late’ clichè. I left it till 30, had problems, had my son via ivf, waited 2 years to have another with no luck. Just something else to throw into the mix!! X

I am 69 and had my children at 26, 28 and 34 - I was considered old then.

I used to be a SW in a women's hospital in the 70s and was involved with mums wishing to place their babies for adoption and also with infertile couples wishing to adopt. The agencies would not accept couples as prospective adopters who were over 30 - seems crazy now, but that was the rule. They were considered to be too old to bring up a child!

I had mine mid thirties - I'd say that's about average for my area. We now have a weird spread of ages in my family as elder brothers had their DC when they were in their late teens/early 20s. My DSs are still teenagers and some of their cousins are in their 40s with DC of their own who are only slightly younger than my boys. My older sister had her youngest in her early 40s, the same age as our brother became a grandfather...

My child's hfriends parents are in their 40s like me.our kids are 11.
I had my one and only child aged 33. It's tiring.
Plus I'm sure I'm peri and my child is battering on the door of puberty so it's not a good mix hormone wise.
If I had planned on a child I would have done it in my mid twenties.

Must be weird in your area, 30s/40s is the norm for my area. I'm due a baby girl in 5 weeks and when I told the mums at my classes I was only 20, they acted like I was 13. 30-40 is the norm as far as I understand it, everybody acts like I've shot my own bloody leg off.

Yeuch, I wouldn't want to socialise with anyone who judges anyone else's decisions and choices like that. They don't know what led to your getting pregnant.

I have a friend who's having twins at 41 after ten years of trying and numerous IVF attempts - according to your friend and posters like Elendon, her reward will now to be judged for being an "old mum". Grim.

An older Mum at 30?!! I can count the number of friends who had kids before 30 on one hand, but I'd need all my fingers & toes to count those who had kids over 30 (about half were over 35)!

It's a class/education thing I think; most of my friends went to university and then into professional careers, so wanted to get well established professionally and buy a house before having kids.

I'm having my first child at 42, so I think I do qualify as a bona-fide older mum, although I look about 5 years younger so most people don't realise . #healthyliving #goodgenes

There are advantages to having kids later, including being financially more stable and having done enough travelling and partying (I certainly did in late 20s and early 30s) that you won't mind a quiet child/family focused life.

I'm 53 and my youngest child is 5. So OP I am easily old enough to be your mum.

To be honest, I don't think about it most of the time.

I have for quite a long time liked the idea of "middle youth". Or even "late middle youth"

I like picking up ideas from my kids and listening to their stuff in the car. They seem to like listening to my old rock CDs and to Planet Rock with their dad. It is hugely life enhancing to have them around, in all sorts of ways.