Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

I wouldn’t say you’re an older mum or would be one in a few years either.
I’m 39 - no children. DH and I have been trying for DCs for years and are now on IVF round 2. Sometimes it’s not as simple as others make it out to be. Sounds as though you’ve got your head in order with it all!!

I wish you well

In respect of the worry that grand parents will be too old to help out if you leave it too late to have kids - my mother hardly lifted a finger to help me out when i had my 3 in my 20s. She was in her 50s around then.

Now i have DD4 (4) and she is just turned 80. She's no less help than she was 20 years ago

I would say, I’d have liked to have had him sooner. He’d have grown up alongside his cousins instead of being annoying and little when they were teenagers. Also, DS was the apple of his grandad’s eye and then his grandad died when he was only 6. Even friends with children had them earlier than I did so again, he was always”little” to them.

Thehog..., I did say it was the view of 'my' demographic. Not advocating it to anyone as why should one take advice from strangers on the internet? Now that's daft.
Everyone lives their lives as they wish.

I’d my first DD at 27 and having my second DD now at 29.

I’m lucky in that me and my DH met when we were in college, both of us agreed for us that now was the time for us to have kids. Doesn’t happen for everyone though - we are one of the first couples out of our friends to get married, have a baby etc.

I’m thoroughly looking forward to working on my career for the next 40 years now and don’t plan on having any more kids.

To me, anyone over 45 would be an ‘older mum’ but I honestly don’t know what difference it makes to kids growing up.

I'm a midwife. I see FAR more women in their 30s than their 20s. And more women in their 40s than their teens. 30 isn't remotely old.

I had my own first baby at 34. All but one of my NCT group were mid-30s or beyond. At my daughter's school I'm one of the younger mums, which is hilarious as I'm now in my 40s.

I've never felt too old to be a mum to young kids - I had my second at 37. I wouldn't fancy having any more now, because shift work buggers up my sleep enough without adding in a baby!

wake I don't know which demographic you think you're speaking for, but whichever it is you don't speak for them all.

I wouldn’t think of 30 as an ‘older mum’ at all. I was the second youngest in my NCT group at 33. Suppose it depends on where you live though.

Just wondering if older Dads feel as troubled as some of us seem to. Mick Jagger anyone?

I thought the poorer the area the younger the average age? Just laugh at their silliness. Everybody has different journey.

I was the youngest mum to be in our antenatal class when expecting DC1 at 34.

I was 36 when I had mine, most of the moms in the antenatal class were in their 30s, and I have 5 colleagues that were in their late 30s/early 40s when they started their families. It's really not that weird (although I think medically you're classed as being an older mother if you're 35?)

I had my 1st 2 at 25 and 27. Had my 3rd at 36. Dh is 40. I feel I'm much more patient this time round

I wouldn't call it old. My DIL has just had her 1st at 30yrs and she is the first out of her friends. I was 40yrs with my last and have never felt out of place, or been the oldest parent.

You'd be a gym slip mum where I live. Just ignore.

What's a gym slip Mum?

I thought the cut off for 'older' mum was 40, certainly that is what they use round here. My friend had her 1st just after her 40th birthday and was outraged that they immediately changed her to 'higher risk' the day she turned 40, like it would have been different if she'd given birth 2 weeks earlier!

All being well, 3rd (and last) child is due when I'm 38. So far doesn't feel that different to being pregnant at 28.

I think it does depend on demographics. At 31 I was pretty average in my area. Saying that though It took me a year to realise that in my baby clssses there were friendship groups clustered around the late 20s/ early 30s and then the 40 something mums. I was quite shocked when I noticed as I’m sure no-one set out to group by age.

What I would say though is lots of my friends seem to be experiencing secondary infertility even some that fell during the first month first time round. I’ve been debating leaving a longish gap between children to go for a promotion but would be too worried about waiting much past 35 for no.2 and having problems. Also, my mum had me at 40 and I hated having an older parent. Obviously for lots of people it works fine and this is very personal to me.

My mum was still working full time when I had dc. She retired when ds was about 5 though. If you have dc in your early 20s theres a good chance your parents will be working ft until they are at least 10.

When I had my first I was youngest by far at baby groups ( I was 24) . Most mums were mid to late thirties .

Just curious- those of you who had dc at 44/45/46- was that through Ivf?
All of my early 40s contempories trying to have babies are undergoing Ivf, hence the question.

No all natural 17 month inbetween each one I just track my cycle for the best time and then I was lucky 4 boys in a row 37 39 42and 44

Yes very much depends on your area and demographics of mums round you. Most mums at DSs school are working professionals and majoririty of parents of year one kids are late 30s early 40s. Personally I much prefer doing the pick ups from school in early 40s I had much more fun things to do in my 20s and early 30s.😁.

Gymslip is a pinafore dress, used for school uniform.

I do the school run in my 40s and am quite happy with my lot