Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

You're only an 'older Mum' when your maternity notes refer to you as 'geriatric primagravida' - usually if you are over 35!! I was 41 when I had mine. Didn't care what people thought then, don't care now that they are starting secondary school. I'm the oldest of all the DC's friends bar one who is on her 4th child. Still don't care.

@AlisonMaryFaulkner

Having one child wasn't an option as we decide it would be unfair and selfish when we reached our senior years leaving one very lonely family member

Well lucky you deciding to have more than one child on principle and it just magically happening for you. Do you have any idea how hurtful your statement is to those of us who are unable to give our child a sibling? Am now crying into my lunch, cheers.

jessie don't be upset by this comment, I know several only dc who are now adults. They are as happy as anyone else I know, with a good range of their own families and friends.

I was 38 when I had DS ( so definitely in the older bracket I think ) - but when I brought him home I was all flappy thinking ''i'm not grown up enough to look after a baby ! '' haha
Even now he is 4 and I am 42 ( one of the oldest mums in his pre school group ) and I feel like a proper fraud when I pick him up '' your mum's here ! '' his key worker says , and I am looking behind me for my own mum or a responsible adult haha
age is definitely a state of mind !!!

OP I became a first time mum at 39, the following week I met a person who was a first time grandparent at 40. I really wouldn’t fancy that. Each to their own.

Jessie - ignore that claptrap, it's absolute garbage. If you wanted more DC and couldn't have them, that's very sad. But it's sad for you personally, not because some muppet puts their size 9s in it by blithering on about it being selfish just to have one.

Like the PP above, I know lots of only children and most of them loved it, and none of them knew any differently anyway. one of my best friends swears she'd have hated siblings taking away her attention!

AND having siblings is absolutely no guarantee that they'll get on or be any support to one another whatsoever when they're older and you and your husband die. Lots of siblings don't get on at all!

So don't cry into your lunch over rubbish like that, unless you need the extra salt

jessie There are pros and cons of having/being an only child. I am one; I have two. There is no "perfect" family. Please don't be upset. All you (and any of us) can do is make the most of the positives and try to mitigate the negatives. However many children we have.

Thanks Lakeshore I know objectively that having an only child will be fine and appreciate your kindness. I was just thrown by the particularly condemnatory turn of phrase used by the PP.

Eh? What an odd statement to make that it's unfair and selfish to only have one child if you're slightly on the older side!

I actually loved being an only child - I have an extremely close relationship with my mum, we had lovely holidays just the two of us and a really great life together, just the two of us (she had one child AND became a single parent, the selfishness!) I'm pretty sure I only want one child too! I've never ever wished I had brothers or sisters or thought that my parents should have had more children. There are plenty of people in my life who I love and who love me.

Oh and thanks also to others who posted when I was writing my last post. Don’t want to derail the discussion but it is relevant to the question of older motherhood I suppose in that if you start later then it may be harder to have more than one child. I didn’t meet my husband until I was almost forty and have a lovely 18 month old DS at 44 but he was IVF and it’s not likely to work again.

Blimey. If 30 is an older Mum then not sure what I am then? Only started having mine in my 40’s. I’m nearly 50 and my youngest has only just started school. Bit weird to be worrying about age these days. With IVF etc (mine were all totally natural) the days of “pop them out before 30 or its over” are gone. Everyone needs to count their blessings and stop worrying about weird things. Billions of people in this world and everybody’s families and circumstances are different. That person who said the worst thing she could think of was doing school pick ups in her 40’s needs a reality check and an introduction to my mates kids who lost their mum (my mate) to cancer before they even started school. Worst thing she can imagine should be not being around to do school pick ups at all. She sounds a delight (not)

I was 22 when I had my first child, by far one of the youngest in the playground. Had my 2nd at 32. I'm probably mid age range now. It's definitely not old and.

I personally wouldn't have another now it's definitely more exhausting this time round. Most of my friends had their children late 20's early 30's

I won’t be trying until I’m a minimum of 30.

Also I have a masters degree from a top 10 uni and only earn £17k ... its certainly no guarantee of ££££

" At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. "

if she cant think of anything worse then she has a seriously limited imagination.
Also she was probably just being spiteful, because of whatever she feels is wrong in her own life.

Nah you'll be fine, don't worry about It

I had first at 26 and would say I'm much more energetic than the 45-50+ mums I know eg work full
Time, kids do lots f activities , I study and train for races

But really so what? They were probably the same 15yrs ago.

I am guessing you don't live anywhere near central London. I don't know anyone in my friendship circle who had a child under 30. For most it was mid to late 30s with a decent smattering in their early 40s.

Do what's right for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, would be my advice.

I've come full circle someone just told me I look young to be a mum

Had mine at 41 and 42 due to circumstances ! Keeps me really fit , don't get comments about it.