Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

We had dc1 in a vair naice area, (where we rented a tiny, shit flat by the railway lines ). I was definitely one of the younger mums at 31. I met a lot of first time mums in their 40s.

First (and only) at 42. At the school gate there is a wide age range from early 20's to mid-40's. Nobody cares very much, but in the nicest way.
I don't really feel any older than the majority of parents standing around in the playground waiting to pick up, and some of them are a good 10 years younger.

I am 50.
Youngest is about to turn 8

I think about it sometimes but not often.
I was honestly far more knackered when I had my first two in my twenties.

It wouldn’t bother me. I was young when I had my first son, 23. It was hard work. My OH and I were in still at university and we weren’t really ready. It was a sharp shock when our son come along. We had our second son when we were 26, as I wanted to just get having kids out of the way so I could concentrate on my career. To be honest though I don’t think we’re done, probably finished for now but can imagine having a third in around 5 years when I’ll be 33

I had mine at 37 and 41. Whilst on the older end of the spectrum, definitely not old where I live. I have a friend who became a grandfather at the same age as I was when I had my second .He wasn't happy about it as his daughter was too young. As long as you're healthy and fit it doesn't matter when you do it.

I was 33 when I had my first and will be 35 when my second is born. I still feel like a child myself lol. Couldn't have done it in my 20s and lived to tell the tale I don't think. Mid 30s feels about right for me. Everyone needs to just do what's right for them, whatever age.

Hi, had my first at 36 and am now 30 weeks pregnant with my second at 37. Having done a postgrad already I had another year to do for it to become a masters (two essays and another dissertation). I started my masters when my first was ten weeks old and we all went away to uni for a week. I went back full time having completed the two essays and got my dissertation in last Dec whilst working full time with a baby. It was hard I’m not going to lie but it is possible with a supportive partner.

Age wise at 36 with my first in my NCT group I was in the middle, there were a few in their early 30s but some late 30s/early 40s. Medically around here I am not considered an older mother. It’s never been mentioned. I had a homebirth with my first and plan to for this one. Good luck! X

I was 28 and definitely considered younger in my NCT group.

It really depends on area. I had my eldest at 24 and out of all the mums of children in his class I was average age. Had my youngest at 32 and in his class I am definitely one of the oldest mums. There are 2 of us the same age but most are about 10 years younger.

Born and raised and currently living in London so definitely don’t consider that an ‘old mum’ although I went to a catholic girls school and was one of the only ones who didn’t have a baby in Year 11 and I had my first baby at 34 so to them I’m probably an ancient mum (now 36) I think what people seem to forget when they say this rubbish is that you may not have met the right person until you are 30! I had zero desire to get knocked up by anyone and new that I would never be able to afford to buy a property if I had a baby on top of renting and in the case of my Mum it took her 13 years to get pregnant with her first child. So my nightmare would have been a baby at 21 and for some that is the dream - it’s all personal and nobodies bloody business! And like someone else has said if the worst thing she can imagine is doing the school run in her 40’s she has lived an incredibly sheltered life.

Okay so I had my birth child at 41 - felt great. Just adopted a 19month old at 47. It's harder but only because in the area where I live (rural Shropshire) I'm the anomaly and the same age as many of the grandparents. I don't look or feel 'old' but I guess I have more life experience and therefore different to the other mums. 30 is a spring chicken and loads of time left to work things out to suit you :-)

Had my last at 37.
Was definitely one of the oldest mums when he started primary school, & I live in a fairly affluent area.

I had zero interest in having a baby before I turned 30. Had mine aged 34, 35 and 40. I didn't envisage having a baby over 40 either but had 2 miscarriages at 38 & 39. DS is 14, and I am not conscious of major age differences between me and other mums; I just assume we are all around the same age!!

I went back to work full-time when he was 10 months, elder two were 7 & 5, and I did my masters part-time during that academic year!

I also think it's kind of about family dynamics too. One of my sister's was so desperate for a baby at 19 like our mum, that she split up with her sensible boyfriend and met someone twatface who was more willing. My other sister is adamant that she didn't want that life, and so at nearly 29 is nowhere near having a baby.

I've just had my 5th at 34, and people from my year at school just seem to be having their first or have little babies. So yeah... mid to late thirties isn't uncommon where I am. Good luck with whatever happens, and certainly ignore comments like that.

Don't worry about what others think. Do what's right for you. I had my DD when I was 35. During that time, I've done an MSc and had a few job promotions that includes a lot of travel. I've become more driven, now I'm ready for a second child and I'll 45 next year.

You are not an older mum! I am about to have two under two and I am 46! What's more, I am not the oldest mum I know.

I truly think age is irrelevant. For me, had I have been a mum in my 20s or 30s, I wouldn't have been as focused on the children as I can be now. I'd also have been much more insecure. However, a lot of my friends had kids in their 20s, were fantastic mums and are now enjoying a bit of freedom/rejuvenated careers ... just as we're battling sleepless nights, nappies and tantrums.

Swings and roundabouts.

etcher70 Wish we lived closer!

Had my first at 43 and second at 46!

Do whatever u want to do! My mum had just me at 36 as was enjoying life and I had mine at 18 and can't wait to enjoy life more and spend time on me.. 🤷

Times have changed, I was labelled ‘elderly primigravida’ at 28 in the 80’s

Well, statistically you are not an older mum. In 2016 - so the age has likely further increased, 54% of babies were born to woman of 30 or older. Suspect it’s higher two years on.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthsbyparentscharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2016

I had my first at 25 and was told then that I would be considered an older mum I thought this was ridiculous, till I went into the hospital and the next oldest mum in my ward was 17.

I was 32 when I had my DD and that is probably on the older side where we are. There is constant talks about the possibility of number 2 but we can’t quite bring ourselves to commit either way. I’m 36 this year and feel like I should be getting a move on if I want anymore. Most of my friends are done and dusted now and we are all a similar age. Don’t rush in to anything you aren’t ready for

I had a baby at 39. All my medical documentation, and every 2nd comment from a health worker included the description ‘geriatric primagravida.’ (Older first-time mother)

Now THAT makes you feel old!

I had my eldest at 30 and my youngest at 35. I got called an older mum by the midwife both times. I would have liked them younger or closer together but my stupid body broke and gave me two ectopic pregnancies. Hurtful to think people think they can comment on what you did or don’t do, choice or not. I then went to uni and studied when youngest was six months old, graduated when she was three and I have just started into my second career at forty. I don’t give a rats part what others think of my situation. But it’s been held against me a few times ... I’m now thinking of adding a part time masters to my full time career and two young daughters. I like a challenge. But given a true choice I wouldn’t have done it all in this order ...