Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

When i had DS1 at 35 i was just in the older mum category. Then had ds2 at 37 and DD 3 months before i turned 40. Of DS1 friends who are all 5/6 most mums are in their early 40s. I just went to a 6th birthday party where there were 6 Mums. The birthday boys Mum is 45, there was another Mum who is 48, another 43 and I'm 41, one is 38 and I don't know the other but she was probably similar- unless she had had a reeeeaaallly hard paper round!

I think people get too hung up on age. I had my son a couple of days after I turned 43 so I will be doing school runs well into my 50s. But (like a pp) I think people assume I am younger because of the age of my child. Frankly, once you have kids you look old and tired no matter what age you are! I’m struggling to understand why age is even discussed, I certainly would not ask someone what age they were- isn’t that sort of conversation only for children?
There is no objective right or wrong answer. Just do what’s is right for you. What is your general health like, are you overweight, did you cope well physical and emotionally with pregnancy and motherhood the first time round? All these things will affect how it is for you in the future and could be completely different for someone exactly the same age. Personally I don’t think I feel any more tired than I would have if I had had my son a decade sooner and, looking at my energetic MIL I hope I have a good chance of not becoming incapacitated before he’s an independent young man.

The only person who ever made any issue if my age when pregnant was a slightly twatty consultant who said I should be induced at 40 weeks and would probably end up having an assisted delivery as “you won’t be able to push out a baby like a woman’s in her twenties would”. They did use the ventouse very briefly to get DS out but it was no big deal.
If you feel that you have to wait a while then what you can do is make sure that you spend the “waiting” time keeping fit, eating well and doing strength training to maintain bone density. A lot of people who take up fitness later in life say that they feel better than they did when they were younger.

Two of my friend's had babies in their 40's. One was 43 and the other 45. 30 is certainly not old.

30 is not OLD for a first baby.

Now if you had said 40...........

I would be saying ......... 'rather you than me.'

OP - did anyone actually say they thought you were old?
I didn't meet DP till I was 39. Had DC at 40 and 44. I know I am older than some of their friends' mums, but not by much. They're all hitting 50- ish now, and we all look the same. I had a brilliant life in my 20s and 30s, doing a job that I wouldn't have been able to do if I'd had DC first (Musical Theatre, travelling all round the world, singing)
Ignore the nay sayers, and do what's right for you.

I had ds at 37. I am not remotely old round here, most of ds's friends' mums had first child at 35-40 and I know someone who had twins at 47. Ds starts school in September so I will be doing school run at the age of 42, don't care less!

Older mum to me is someone who had their first over 38

We had DS at 24/25 and felt younger than other parents at school, DD1 and DD2 were born when we were in our thirties which seemed similar to most of the other parents with children their age at the time. DD3 was born just after my 46th birthday, so I am definitely the oldest mum at playgroup/nursey but I don't think it matters.I have several friends who had babies in their early forties . I do look younger than my age so am not normally confused for her grandmother (unless DS and DD1 are there too which confuses people who you can see trying to work out the family dynamic and who's who!) My pregnancy was straightforward,though I was unsurprisingly classed as a geriatric mother and induced at term. I will be doing the school run for many years to come (and will be in my 60s when we're doing University open days,eeek!) but I love my family, we're happy and that's what counts.

ohno...., really? I would say I'd much rather have my DC once I'd established my career and had my fun.
20s & 30s are for being selfish and living for yourself, DC change all that as they do take the absolute priority in everything.
Each their own, though.

You'd be a gym slip mum where I live. Just ignore.

I think it largely depends on where you live and what social class you are.

@wakemeupbefore

20s & 30s are for being selfish and living for yourself, DC change all that as they do take the absolute priority in everything.

Teens and 20's yeah, but 30's no. IMO, Time to grow up when you hit 30.

And no fucking WAY would I be having babies in my 40's.

No.

Way.

Most people I know prioritised their education and career so didn't finish uni until 22/23 and then built up career, bought house etc before thinking about marrying and having babies. I had my first at 30 and this was quite normal in my circle. My sister was 25 and I always thought this was really young!

I had my first child in my 30s, and was one of the older mums in my daughter's junior school year.
Had my youngest in my 40s, and now at 50, I am definitely not feeling like the oldest mum in the playground! Some are in their 30s, but plenty of mums in their 40s. I'd say probably most. As people have said, it's often down to demographics.

30 is not OLD for a first baby.

Now if you had said 40...........

And this is also a completely shit thing to say, especially on a thread where plenty of 40+ mothers have contributed. Why are some women so insecure in their own choices that they have to attack people who do things differently? Don't you realise how pathetic it makes you look to attack either 'young' or 'old' mums? Why can't you just be happy in your own choices?

OMG - OP if you are old, I am positively ancient.

I got asked if i was my son's grandma in the library last week! Yet the next day someone asked me if I was pregnant

I have concluded that I am not ageing well and I am clearly overweight

I've NEVER heard of a 30 year old described as an older Mum. It's 38+ for the NHS. I had DD1 at 38 and will have DD2 at 41. 30 is really very young.

It's swings and roundabouts. Those who were living it up and progressing their careers in their 20's and 30's generally aren't doing that too in their late 30's/40's/ early 50's when they have dependent dc. Whereas people like me who had them younger get the freedom/ career at that stage instead. But we'll all be level in the end.

Personally I'm increasingly finding that career wise it's an advantage to be at the same rung of the ladder as people who are taking time out/ reducing hours for dc. Just like in my 20's most peers were able to be flexible when I was more limited.

But aside from personal choice there's no ideal age in general terms.

It depends on area for me. I was 30 when I had my first... I felt oldish where I used to live, lots of mums in late teens and early 20s. Then stayed in Brighton for a bit, felt like a baby myself! Lots of first time mums in late 40s. Now where I live I feel average.

@Codswallop,

I'm 54 and have a ds in year 5. Although I admit I declined when my oh asked me if we should have another one.

I don’t get the obsession with age. My parents were “older”- dm had me at 42 and I used to get lots of comments at school about how they were “old”

What’s wrong with doing the school run in your 40s? Very strange comment

@ohnomoresnow - I don't believe anyone is asking you to have a baby in your 40s?!
For some people who met their partner later in life, it's their only option.

DD was once asked if I was her granny... She was 7, I was 49. Now in my 60s and very fit (in the health sense that is). Just numbers!!

From the title I assumed you were 55. Being 30 is fine.

Medically, elderly primagravida is 35yo and above.its an outdated term
Not used so much as it is pejorative