Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

I was 32 with my first, and 35 with my second. I was definitely referred to as “elderly” and that was in 1997!
I’m lucky I think, in that I have always looked younger than I actually am, and that was reinforced by my children being younger. Most of the friends I made at toddler groups and the school gate are 5 or 6 years younger than me, but I’m reasonably confident I look around the same age......whether I feel that way inside is another matter though!

really?
i had dd3 at 40. never had a comment about it. must be resting bitch face

I had my daughter at 43, she is now 3. Apart from being induced and not allowed to go over 40 weeks in pregnancy, I’ve not had reference to being older. Probably helps that I do look younger! I also suspect people automatically assume I’m younger by at least 10 years as I have a young child.
I’m another one with a resting bitch face, so no one would dare comment on my age. 😂

Medically yes, over 30 you are considered 'old'. I'm 32 and pregnant with #3, had my first two in my twenties. My mum is a nurse and told me I'd be medically referred to at 'elderly gravida' which basically means 'old and pregnant' charming!! Not any more that stat is out of date.

You're now considered 'older' if you're over 35.

Hmm, I suppose the ones who breed like rabbits do start in their early teens . Would one really like to be associated with such fast-growing demographic, is questionable.

When I live in London, you’d be considered a young mum!

I was 34 when I had DS and planning on more. I didn't meet DH until I was 29 and married 31.

they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse

Did you tell them to fuck off?

I had my last at 42 (he's now 2). Its just the way things work out sometimes. I actually had less appointments than I did for my other 2 pregnancies and I have never had anyone health professionals or otherwise make a thing of it or comment. One person saying she doesn't want to do it shouldn't make any difference to what's best for you. Personally I couldn't 'think of anything worse' than getting a cat which then shits all over my garden but some people like it. Each to their own.

Hmm, I suppose the ones who breed like rabbits do start in their early teens hmm. Would one really like to be associated with such fast-growing demographic, is questionable.

Oh come on, there's absolutely no need for that kind of nastiness. You can challenge silly ideas about 'older mums' without lashing out at younger ones. There's never any place for that kind of snobbish prejudice.

Lisa, really?
What about

' they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse'

Not nasty or is this allowed as we seem to pander to reverse snobbery here a lot?

A midwife where I gave birth told me that 37 was the average age of a first time mum in that particular hospital in SW London.

I'd say 30 was in the average range. Unless you are discussing it I don't see that it's anyone else's business, and it certainly doesn't matter to anyone.

I was 20, which was young imo, and ime people who offered their unwanted opinions about whether it was too young were always ignorant in general, and exactly the same mindset that judges older mums.

I certainly don't envy people my age with newborns and toddlers when I have a teen. Nor do I envy those now in their 40's/50's with teens. But then again they probably didn't envy me when we were in our 20's. And I'd never randomly drop that into conversation with someone incase they mistakenly thought I was suggesting my personal decision is the best for everyone, when clearly we're all different.

Yes, that's exactly the sort of silly idea that I said should be challenged - but without hitting out at another group of mums. This might seem like a radical idea to you, but it is actually possible to defend one group of women without putting another down.

Of the c.100 mums I know, less than 5% had their DC in their 20’s

I quite frankly don't care what 20somethings with a string of DC or 40somethings with PFBs think.
'Mums' are not protected species to be handled with extra care.
Live and let live and be prepared to get shot down if you start critisising another group/person.

Hmm, I suppose the ones who breed like rabbits do start in their early teens hmm. Would one really like to be associated with such fast-growing demographic, is questionable.

Not one young parent has come on here and said "yes I agree with them, it'd be horrible to be an old mum blah blah blah" so why the need to be nasty?

I had my DD at 19. I'm definitely one of the youngest at the school gate, there are a few around who I'd say are probably around my mum's age but picking up their own children rather than grandchildren. Who really cares? The school run is grim whether you're 23, 43 or 63 as far as I'm concerned

Yy lisa

It's perfectly possible to acknowledge the comment about the school run proves nothing except for demonstrate the speakers ignorance. Nobody needs to balance it out by demonstrating their own ignorance. That doesn't negate the first, it just means both groups have their share of people lacking the wit to think outside their own narrow life experience.

I had my first at 31, no one ever mentioned that I was considered an older mum. Had no extra tests or screening, that was 16 yrs ago. Had my next one aged 41, still no extra screening or tests, just told incidences of down syndrome increased. I also know someone who's had a baby aged 49. I really don't think it matters, with the exception of decreased fertility.

My nct group I was middle range. I was 30 when had dd2. One lady was 36. Youngest was 28.

Thirty is the average age for first birth in the UK. That said, if you feel mid 30s is too old for you to have another one, that's completely valid.

I wasn't considered an old Mum when I had my first at 36, not until I had DC3 at 31 did I have shared care (midwife and consultant).

I'd rather be a pregnant woman in my 40s than my 20s TBH, my 20s and early 30s were great, spent enjoying university and the freedom of youth. I didn't have the money for kids then anyway, no way could I have afforded childcare on a postdoc salary (never mind the lack of job security) so would have ended up careerless and trapped as a SAHP. Obviously some people have family support in their 20s to help with children (although presumably most people have parents who are still working when they have kids in their 20s) and more secure jobs, my SIL was a fully qualified GP when she had her kids in her 20s.

At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse I had my children at 42 and 43, I lived life in my 20's and 30's and partied like my depended on it and travelled - doing the school gate scene in my 20/30's? No thanks I couldn't think of anything worse!

Horses for courses!

I had DC1 when I was 29 in 2014, and was told I was a young mum by one midwife! DC2 came along when I’d just turned 32.

From ONS: ‘The average age of first-time mothers increased to 28.8 years in 2016, from 28.6 years in 2015.’

I had my first at 20 and my second at 40 so I will be doing the school run into my 50s. Do I care? Nope. Do it when you want and when you are ready. Don't listen to others.