Comments on being an "older" mum

[Moominfan]

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

I don’t know a single 20 something parent at my son’s school.

I had DD at 21 and I am most definitely the odd one out at toddler groups, most of the other mums are in their 40s and have two dc close in age. I live in a very middle class area though, and I get nasty looks from people as they make assumptions about me because I've had a baby at a younger age, and they clearly don't want to mix with anyone they presume to be from a lower socioeconomic background (which I'm not, but no one would talk to me to find out). It swings both ways, younger mums get stick and older mums get stick if you are an outlier from the norm.

I wouldn't say you're an old Mum at all.

Most of the mums at DCs primary school are 30s and 40s. I'm among the youngest there, all depends on your area I suppose.

I personally will have adult children by the time I reach my mid 40s, so DP and I can go on holiday during term time unlike my parents who were still running around my brother and I as teens. Everyone is different!

It depends on where you live. You would be the odd one out here to be a mother in your 20s. I had DC2 at 39 and I don’t feel old at the school gate. The other mums maybe a few years younger than me mostly, but there are a handful my age or older.

Medically yes, over 30 you are considered 'old'. I'm 32 and pregnant with #3, had my first two in my twenties. My mum is a nurse and told me I'd be medically referred to at 'elderly gravida' which basically means 'old and pregnant' charming!!

However, socially no!

I had DD1 at 26 and I was the first of all my friends to have a baby (she's 5 this year and they've just started now) and I was the youngest at all the baby groups.

Good grief, you're not old! I'm 47, my son is 8. There's a couple mums my age and a bit older, most are 40-45 and I'd say the minority are in their thirties. Don't be self conscious AT ALL. If anything you're probably a statistical norm!

Medically yes, over 30 you are considered 'old'. I'm 32 and pregnant with #3, had my first two in my twenties. My mum is a nurse and told me I'd be medically referred to at 'elderly gravida' which basically means 'old and pregnant' charming!!

In my area you’re only considered medically ‘old’ at 35

Hi OP
30 is a great age, I had my first at (just turned) 35 and although the doctor called me geriatric, I didn't feel old at the time but looking back now I would have liked to have been 30.

I'm 46 now feeling pretty knackered and sometimes think it would be nice to be a bit further along with teenagers and possibly that 3rd child that never happened.

Time flies by, Dc1 is now in secondary school year 7, but dc2 in year 4 so I'm one of those 40 something's doing the school run, but very glad dc2 will finish primary school before I hit 50.

OP just think you'll have a 20 year old then! 30 is a good age and if I were you I'd have another sooner than later.

There you go my tuppence!

Age of being medically 'old' is 35+. Not 30.

Depends where you live - where I used to live (London) we were almost all 40 something’s when dcs started reception.

Now live in a place where the grandparents of dcs pals are my age.

I do feel old here.

I had my children at 36 and 38. The biggest problem I had was having to juggle work, youngish children and elderly parents who lived in separate places both 2.5 hours away (my parents had children quite late too).

One of my neighbours had her first at 42 and is having her second at 45!

I had my third at 37 and nobody ever referred to me as 'elderly gravida' in writing or otherwise!!! That may have been the case in the 1970s, but not today.

Medically yes, over 30 you are considered 'old'. I'm 32 and pregnant with #3, had my first two in my twenties. My mum is a nurse and told me I'd be medically referred to at 'elderly gravida' which basically means 'old and pregnant' charming!!

I think your mum is out of date. They use to use 30 as the cut-off, but now 'elderly gravida' or 'geriatric mother' aren't used much at all (people don't like them, surprisingly!) but when age is used as a risk factor it's over 35, or sometimes over 38. I'm 31 and my age hasn't put me in any of the high-risk categories, according to my maternity notes.

33 seems to be about the average age for first dc here so mid 30s for 2nd would be average.

I was 38 when I had my son. Some things, you just can’t plan.

I am 40 and DS is in year 1 so nearly 6. There are a few younger ones but lots of his school friends have parents the same sort of age. Lots of my friends (my age or a little older/ younger but not much) have children younger than DS.
Medically it is older than the ideal, we started ttc at 31 so it took a while and did have age related problems along the way (tfmr t21).

In my area you’re only considered medically ‘old’ at 35

Must be the funding cuts then. DC2 was born a month before I turned 40. I told the midwife at booking in. She told me I’m not old and I don’t get special care. She said she had a few 40+ pregnant women she was seeing and they had a group and special care. Maybe where I am, 35 is very normal and so everyone case is geriatric

Haha yes she is probably out of date but, there was something my midwife scribbled down at my first appointment that looked like >30, so it must be something.

I'd be high risk if I was 22 (2 previous EMCS and uterine infection) so it doesn't bother me

Personally i am glad i got to experience so much and had my freedom before becoming a parent at 34 years old and can't think of anything worse than having had to be a responsible adult through my 20s but that is only my opinion.
Our baby groups were full of people from various demagraphics/backgrounds so varying ages and i have friends who are young Mothers and friends who are ancient Mothers like i am.
The only thing i've noticed is that (most of) the younger Mothers have far greater stamina and the older ones far greater patience!

Haha yes she is probably out of date but, there was something my midwife scribbled down at my first appointment that looked like >30, so it must be something.

Could it have been your BMI? Because there 30 is a big deal for them. They don't write down your age, as it's obviously in your notes anyway - they have your date of birth!

I was 35 when I had DD. Don't think I'm excessively old 11 years later! Someone in their 20s commenting that they couldn't imagine doing what they do now in their 40s haven't, to be fair, had experience of being in their 40s! In my 20s I saw being in my 40s as sufficiently far away that I saw it as "old"!

I love it.....had my eldest in mid 20s, last one at 40. Definitely more chilled at 40 . We have so much fun. Downside is.....I actually taught the parents of one of my son's friends

Lisa, no my BMI is healthy (after 3 years hard slog after DD2!), it'll go down the pan now haha!

You're not an older mum at all. You're in between being a younger mum and an older mum. I had my first when I was 21 and I'm nearly 30 now. I definitely don't feel like an older mum yet.