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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have not stopped.

765 replies

Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:26

Dd went to my mum's after school yesterday due to bad weather. Mum lives very close to the school and has said dd is welcome. Dd gets there at 3.30 and I finished work at 4pm so it wasn't for long.

I text dd as I came out to say I was on my way. And she replied to tell me my mum wanted me to go into the house.

I only saw mum 2 days ago and didn't have time. I had a 10 minute walk to my car ( in the rain) and called her to say I was sorry but I couldn't come in as I had a text from my food shopping I had ordered to say it was on its way. I hadn't actually ordered the food to come till 5pm but last week when I got home at 4.20pm it was sat outside my house.
Obviously I didn't want to miss it, so just asked her what the matter was. She wouldn't tell me and just said I needed to go in. I kept saying I couldn't but what was wrong.

She then got cross and told me to ' use my bloody common sense but I still didn't know and said to use it over what?

I then got screamed and shouted at as it was for mothers day. She had for dd some flowers to give me and wanted to watch dd give them to me. She called me selfish and hung up.

I was upset. I drove to mums house. Dd came out. Mum would usually come to the porch and save but she didn't.

Dd said mum slammed the door on her and told her to tell me not to call her.

A bit later I get a phone call and shes demanding I apolgise for pressuring her to tell me why I needed to go in. All my fault apparently. Ww3 has kicked off and mud slinging in my direction.

We were meant to be meeting the rest of the family Sunday for mothers day. Last year's mothers day was ruined over a huge family row with my sister. I don't want a repeat of that and with this going on with mum, cancelled my invite but said sorry.

Which has now made everything worse. I wouldn't pick up the phone to her so just got text after text of crap from her. And I can't have explained more times that i just needed to get home as I had had a text saying my shopping was on its way.

It's really upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 07:12

I was walking from my work to my car. I had to park far away as there were no closer car parking spaces.

I then got in my car and drove to my mum's.

I did not walk to my mum's and stand outside. My goodness!

OP posts:
Cheby · 10/03/2018 07:14

YANBU OP!

I honestly wonder if half the posters on here are reading the same thing as I am these days.

A normal person, in your mother’s position, would have either gently and lightheartedly dropped a massive hint (ie ‘I’m asking you to come in, it’s for your own benefit you numpty’ or ‘it’s a surprise, it’ll only take 2 mins and then you can get straight home to the food shop’).

If after that you couldn’t come in, again a normal person would have been mildly disappointed that the surprise didn’t play out (this is the problem with surprises, you never know if the surprisee will fit into your plans or not), and either explained or saved the flowers until Sunday when ou were all seeing each other. From Friday night it’s only 36 hrs, they would have lasted.

What a normal person would not do, is start screaming abuse, slam the door on a teenage girl and get her involved by shouting at her to pass messages on, repeatedly ring and send abusive text messages.

Normal response: mild disappointment that surprise didn’t work
Batshit crazy response: OP’s mother

hidinginthenightgarden · 10/03/2018 07:15

OP, You won't win here.
The people that have taken against you will not change their minds. They have decided you are a terrible person and clearly do not wish to consider any factors other than that your poor mum wanted to surprise you. She still could have done that without you stepping into her house but she chose to be childish instead.
I would walk away from this thread and enjoy your weekend.

TheMogget · 10/03/2018 07:15

You need to sort your food shopping out, if you've booked it for 5-6 it's fine if they ask if you are available for an early delivery but if you say no they should come back. I presume you're not saying they left it unattended outside your house? If so you need to complain.

YAB a bit U about your Mum, she does seem to have massively overreacted but then now so do you with cancelling the lunch.

Aridane · 10/03/2018 07:15

Am I the only one wanting to know which food delivery company it is that delivers early?? And dumps it by the door 40 minutes before earliest scheduled delivery time?

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 07:15

They don't leave food shopping on doorsteps. You have to be in. Dd isn't even allowed to take it in, it has to be an adult.

I'm a single parent new to full time working. It's only 2nd or 3rd time I've had food shopping delivered. If I finish work at 4 then a 5 till 6 slot should be ok.

I was just worried as it was early last time and I was already running late because of the car parking situation. Our dinner was on the van and I don't have more money to replace the shopping If I had missed it.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/03/2018 07:16

So what are you going to do now, OP? How are you going to resolve this situation?

Are you going to apologise to your mum and go on Sunday?

TheTab · 10/03/2018 07:17

You were unreasonable. The shopping wasn't going anywhere, it was booked for 5pm, if they were early they wait for you because you booked it for 5. They don't leave you without food and you lose your food and money 😂

It sounds to me as though you couldn't be arsed to go in and was using the shopping as an excuse. I am not sure why you were even having a text conversation whilst walking to the car, why didn't you just call on the walk, it's far quicker to say what you have to say and avoid loads of drama.

Aridane · 10/03/2018 07:17

So they have to wait then until the scheduled time!!

ArchchancellorsHat · 10/03/2018 07:17

Your DD just dropped in, so your mum hadn't even been expecting to see you or her that day, you had an appointment elsewhere, and she blew up out of nowhere? She sounds like she's either really stressed or a drama queen. How did the row start last year - is Mother's Day a stress point for her somehow?

Either way, I don't think yabu, it sounds really odd of your mum to go off like that, and I don't blame you for bowing out of Sunday in order to avoid a repeat of last year.

Fortunatelymine · 10/03/2018 07:18

They don't leave food shopping on doorsteps. You have to be in. Dd isn't even allowed to take it in, it has to be an adult.
According to their terms and conditions you need to be in from 5 til 6 then. They can't just drive off if they are there early. Even if you completely miss this slot they try to arrange to re deliver later the same day.

Aridane · 10/03/2018 07:19

Ocado driver sometimes rings to say he’ In the area and would I like an earlier delivery. It’s no problem when I say no - he just delivers at the agreed slot

Doublevodka · 10/03/2018 07:19

I think you were both wrong really. But you only have one mum and she won't be around forever. Life is too short. Call her to say sorry and have your family day all together as planned on Sunday.

LavenderDoll · 10/03/2018 07:20

YABU
It's your mum - she wanted 5 mins of your time.
Apologise and stop making excuses

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 07:20

I did call on the walk. Where did I say I text?

I called her the second dd text me to say my mum wanted me to go in.

I called to say I couldn't as I had already had a text from the food shopping to say it was on its way. And then she blew up at me.

If I wasn't there they don't leave the food and a refund would take a few days to go back onto my card. So yes, id be left with no food and no money.

OP posts:
Cheby · 10/03/2018 07:21

Which delivery company OP? None of the big supermarkets should dump shopping and go, they are supposed to call you if they’re early and ask if you’re in. If not they need to wait until the required time.

I often order mine for 9-10am and I walk through the door from the school run literally as the church bells are chiming for 9am. Occasionally they are there at 8.50 or whatever so they call and I explain i will be back at exactly 9am. It’s always been fine.

If you’re not home during your actual slot, most supermarkets will have a go at shuffling the delivery schedule for you so you still get seen, but if it’s not possible they take the shopping back rather than dump it.

I’d definitely give them a call and complain about your experience with them.

blueskypink · 10/03/2018 07:21

Don't you get it op? You're in the wrong for -

Not organising your shopping delivery times better
Not being eternally grateful for the free 45-60 mins childcare your dm provided for her own grandchild
Not being a mind-reader
Not obeying when told to go into the house
Suggesting that of course you'd have gone in had you known there was something in it for you 🙄
Complaining about the stream of well-deserved abuse
Ruining Mother's Day for the whole of mumsnet

GreenMeerkat · 10/03/2018 07:22

She overreacted massively but I would have gone in. Especially if my mum was looking after my kids at the time.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/03/2018 07:22

If I wasn't there they don't leave the food and a refund would take a few days to go back onto my card. So yes, id be left with no food and no money.

Incorrect. A refund wouldn’t be necessary as they would redeliver the same day. What time did the delivery arrive anyway?

And what are you going to do now, OP? How are you going to resolve this situation?

Are you going to apologise to your mum and go on Sunday?

dirtywindows · 10/03/2018 07:23

It sounds like there were misunderstandings and feeling hurt and annoyed on both parts. Someone has to make the first step to make things better. Why not you? Not only would you be sorting things out with your mother you'd also be setting your dd a good example. You tell your mother that clearly you both misunderstood each other and you're sorry you upset her - because you are aren't you? You can only take responsibility for your part in it and it's up to her if she wants to take responsibility for hers - you can't make her. Go to the family thing on Sunday and show your dd that this is how to behave. Then at a later stage when things have calmed down perhaps talk to her about you you both can better communicate with each other.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 07:23

No one dumped any shopping.

I haven't said any shopping was dumped.

OP posts:
Jammydodger81 · 10/03/2018 07:23

The Tab not sure what’s so funny about that, yes that can happen, if they drive off and won’t come back they’ll refund you but it takes days, it happens quite a lot. Happened to me with my Christmas shop, luckily I had money to do it in person but was really angry as it was so much hassle and I wasn’t refunded until new year.

OP your mum sounds like she likes to cause arguments, the speed she went from perfectly normal to abuse is shocking. Was the row with your sister caused by her?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 10/03/2018 07:24

Your food shopping was on the doorstep last time, so why would you have " no money to buy it all again " and " have nothing to feed your daughter" ??
Your mother sounds like she got v ott v quickly
I would still try to smooth it over and role model to your daughter how to conflict resolve

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 10/03/2018 07:24

Your mum is a self centred madam. She made it all about her and didn't listen when you said you were under stress. Fuck the family Mother's Day and do something make you happy.

Peachyking000 · 10/03/2018 07:24

How rude of you. My parents provide childcare for me, and even when I’m in a rush, I always pop in for 5 minutes. I hope you will try and make amends