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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have not stopped.

765 replies

Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:26

Dd went to my mum's after school yesterday due to bad weather. Mum lives very close to the school and has said dd is welcome. Dd gets there at 3.30 and I finished work at 4pm so it wasn't for long.

I text dd as I came out to say I was on my way. And she replied to tell me my mum wanted me to go into the house.

I only saw mum 2 days ago and didn't have time. I had a 10 minute walk to my car ( in the rain) and called her to say I was sorry but I couldn't come in as I had a text from my food shopping I had ordered to say it was on its way. I hadn't actually ordered the food to come till 5pm but last week when I got home at 4.20pm it was sat outside my house.
Obviously I didn't want to miss it, so just asked her what the matter was. She wouldn't tell me and just said I needed to go in. I kept saying I couldn't but what was wrong.

She then got cross and told me to ' use my bloody common sense but I still didn't know and said to use it over what?

I then got screamed and shouted at as it was for mothers day. She had for dd some flowers to give me and wanted to watch dd give them to me. She called me selfish and hung up.

I was upset. I drove to mums house. Dd came out. Mum would usually come to the porch and save but she didn't.

Dd said mum slammed the door on her and told her to tell me not to call her.

A bit later I get a phone call and shes demanding I apolgise for pressuring her to tell me why I needed to go in. All my fault apparently. Ww3 has kicked off and mud slinging in my direction.

We were meant to be meeting the rest of the family Sunday for mothers day. Last year's mothers day was ruined over a huge family row with my sister. I don't want a repeat of that and with this going on with mum, cancelled my invite but said sorry.

Which has now made everything worse. I wouldn't pick up the phone to her so just got text after text of crap from her. And I can't have explained more times that i just needed to get home as I had had a text saying my shopping was on its way.

It's really upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:47

The food shop was meant to be delivered between 5-6pm. It keeps coming early.

OP posts:
NoIdeaWhatToSay · 10/03/2018 06:48

Organise a later slot perhaps?

EllieMe · 10/03/2018 06:48

YABU. If your mum was insisting you should have gone in. She was trying to do a nice thing and you ruined it.

NotTakenUsername · 10/03/2018 06:49

Still no mention of how much you pay for your childcare service.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/03/2018 06:50

The food shop was meant to be delivered between 5-6pm. It keeps coming early.

If it “keeps coming early”, use your common sense and book a later slot.

And that does not work as an argument because you said that if you knew it was a surprise you would have gone in. So you’d go in to gain something for yourself (as well as the free childcare your mum provided which you aren’t grateful for), but not for something your Mum might need.

blueskypink · 10/03/2018 06:50

I don't think you were being unreasonable op. Your mum sounds a nightmare. I can't imagine ever shouting at my grown up dcs or name calling. You gave a very acceptable explanation for not going in. Why couldn't your dd have taken the flowers out with her? Why did you have to go in?

sportyfool · 10/03/2018 06:51

If you booked shopping for 5 then they would have to wait !

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:51

I wasn't sitting outside on the phone to her. I was walking to my car and talking.

If she had said it was a surprise I would have gone in for 2 mins because I wouldn't want to ruin it. I'm not nasty.

But if it was for something that i could do over the phone then I needed to get home really.

OP posts:
speakout · 10/03/2018 06:51

I feel sorry for your DD too.

Look at things from her side.

She got into her grans house, saw the flowers that she was to give to you, probably excited at the prospect and it all turned horribly sour.

OP I think you owe your daughter an apology too.

Fortunatelymine · 10/03/2018 06:52

And that does not work as an argument because you said that if you knew it was a surprise you would have gone in. So you’d go in to gain something for yourself (as well as the free childcare your mum provided which you aren’t grateful for), but not for something your Mum might need.

Says it all really. You can't use anything else as an excuse if you would have gone in for a surprise.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 10/03/2018 06:52

I don’t think YABU. Your mum sounds really volatile. Switch the phone off and have a quiet weekend.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:52

It's only the 3rd time I've had food shopping delivered so don't quite know how it works.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/03/2018 06:53

If she had said it was a surprise I would have gone in for 2 mins because I wouldn't want to ruin it. I'm not nasty.

Again, so you’d go in to gain something for yourself (as well as the free childcare your mum provided which you aren’t grateful for), but not for something your Mum might need.

That is nasty, and very selfish.

But if it was for something that i could do over the phone then I needed to get home really.

It was repeatedly made clear to you it wasn’t something you could do over the phone.

Achoopichu · 10/03/2018 06:54

Your was ordered for 5, it doesn’t matter that they were early they would have had to wait.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:54

I was trying to offer support over the phone! So I could help her and not fuck up my things either.

OP posts:
blueskypink · 10/03/2018 06:55

So you’d go in to gain something for yourself (as well as the free childcare your mum provided which you aren’t grateful for), but not for something your Mum might need.

I imagine the op meant if she'd known it was a surprise she would have gone in so as not to disappoint her dd - not because she wanted to gain something for herself!!!!!

An hour with grandma after school = free childcare? Really? And how do you know the op isn't grateful?

Talk about twisting things.

NotTakenUsername · 10/03/2018 06:55

Is it ever your fault, op? Or is there always someone else to blame?

When was the last time you made a mistake and accepted responsibility?

GnotherGnu · 10/03/2018 06:55

Good grief, the amount of time you spent texting you could just as easily have popped in for a minute. And why don't you just arrange food deliveries later to ensure you will be in when they arrive? Escalating this to refusing to meet your family on Mother's Day is just ridiculous.

beluga425 · 10/03/2018 06:55

Sorry but YABVU.
You could have popped in. The food delivery was, as you said, for 5pm. They can't turn up early and expect you to be there. You wouldn't have had to order again, they'd have come back. You said they didn't actually text you, then several posts later you said they did. Which is correct?
Your mum sounds over dramatic, but sound mean. She's your mum and your're getting (free?) childcare. Would it really have hurt to go in for a couple of minutes?
Apologise and go on Sunday.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/03/2018 06:56

I was trying to offer support over the phone! So I could help her and not fuck up my things either.

And again, it was repeatedly made clear to you it wasn’t something you could do over the phone.

There is no excuse for your poor behaviour here, OP. Your mum deserves a massive apology from you.

Fortunatelymine · 10/03/2018 06:56

So you would have been fine with it arriving earlier in the day despite being booked for 5? Were you trying to get back earlier than 4. 20 on this occasion? And if it had been sat there even earlier, would you keep getting home earlier and earlier? Come on op, of course you know how delivery works Confused

NotTakenUsername · 10/03/2018 06:56

An hour with grandma after school = free childcare?

Correct

EightAmendment · 10/03/2018 06:57

You really could have gone in but your mum overreacted. And then there's the comment about your sister from what happened last year. There's obviously a back story here isn't there? This dynamic reminds me of my own relationship with my mum and my sister. We are NC now.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/03/2018 06:57

An hour with grandma after school = free childcare? Really? And how do you know the op isn't grateful?

Yep, free childcare. And it’s pretty clear OP isn’t grateful when she wouldn’t even do her Mum the courtesy of nipping in for five minutes.

Wannabecitygirl · 10/03/2018 06:59

Think you were being a little unreasonable but your Mum went a bit OTT in her reaction! You both owe an apology to your daughter.