Limon - I'm agreeing with almost everything you say.
The OP did get an unfair kicking on this thread, from posters who are determined to insist she has received free childcare and should take anything her mother throws at her.
In their world teenage grandchildren don't independently visit grandparents and no mother is toxic.
If she takes your suggestion to print off this thread then she needs to cross out those posts with marker pen because they are unhelpful and useless to her.
Those posters are not helping the OP, they are enabling her mother in terrible behaviour and applying FOG to the OP in the process.
I'm glad that you posted the full "blood is thicker than water" quote. I've had that saying thrown at me before, implying that as DH's wife of over sixteen years, the mother of his three children, I still mean less to him than members of his blood family even if he hasn't seen them in years. (Not DH who said that, I ought to point out).
I get that you're trying to give the OP some 'tough love' as it were, and I agree with a lot of what you say, but the OP has to move at her own pace.
We tried for years to cope with DH's family before we went NC, and DH still falls into a role of trying to appease them. Mostly his sister now but for example last year his father got hold of DH's phone number and sent a text demanding DH send something to his mum for mother's day.
DH had been totally NC for about two years by that point but he caved and sent flowers because otherwise he thought they would turn up at our door and cause trouble. He said his siblings would get involved and it would be awful and it was just easier to send flowers to keep them quiet.
What really happened was they took the flowers to be an invitation to push for contact again, and used them as proof that DH would be in touch if not for me stopping him. I've never stopped him but it's easier to blame me than look at themselves.
Even SIL, who I thought I had a good relationship with, recently upset DH and when he ignored some very spiteful messages from her, she sent another one saying that she assumed he was no longer allowed to speak to her.
But DH has been trapped in this since childhood. It's a bit like a revolving door, he knows what his family are like but he also has this idea that somehow if he could just find the right thing to do, they will be better. Realistically he knows that's never going to happen but it hurts.
And when they send their own flying monkeys out, sometimes he gets sucked in a bit. So the door turns around and sometimes he's outside in the fresh air and sometimes he's inside in their toxic mess.
Quiddich I'd like to wish you Happy Mother's Day, and I hope your family don't spoil it for you.
I wish you felt that you could have the day you and your DD would like.
Please look at the Stately Homes threads, and perhaps have a look at the books by Susan Forward, who writes very well about Toxic Parents and Toxic In-Laws.
We accepted some terrible behaviour from DH's parents but it was only when I felt I could speak to someone else about it and saw their reaction that I realised just how bad it really was.
Sometimes you have to hold up a mirror to what's going on so you can see it, and sometimes you need someone else to hold the mirror for you so you can see clearly.
I think that's what Limon is trying to do.
You don't deserve and don't have to put up with what your family are doing, Limon is right when she says you don't have to be nicer to them than they are to you.