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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 09/03/2018 19:40

The old man was rude. End of.

ScipioAfricanus · 09/03/2018 19:40

Yes, the way he asked was entitled and would have meant I wouldn’t move either. If he’d asked nicely I’d probably have moved to behind him. The way he addressed her smacks of male entitlement rather than demanding of respect for the elderly.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/03/2018 19:40

Martha

I’d be shocked if a stranger, of any age, spoke to me like that. Manners are free.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2018 19:40

Everyone over 45 apparently has dementia on MN

He got himself up fed showered dressed across town to a lecture ON TIME yet we are supposed to think he's to old to know how to act or behave Hmm

deno · 09/03/2018 19:41

@Pengggwn

There was an aisle seat immediately behind her, so he could have had that if he wanted it.

He also could have had the aisle seat of the same row on the block of seats on the left of the room, and been just as far forward, but then you don't have quite as good a forward-facing view of the speaker.

OP posts:
MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:42

Thats a perfectly normal way to talk to people where i live. It was used as a question. It wasnt a demand ergo it does not sound rude to me at all.

ivykaty44 · 09/03/2018 19:43

Old people like any generation can be rude, rudeness doesn’t endear respect from others. To be honest even people in their 70s don’t learn that kindness and politeness gets them much easier access to what they want and wish for.

Pengggwn · 09/03/2018 19:43

Sorry, my fault for not reading properly. I'd probably still just have let him have the seat.

MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:44

im not sure why the elderly guy would benefit. Unlikly he's doing a politics degree.

So old people should give up hobbies and learning and just die already? Confused

Beanteam · 09/03/2018 19:45

Well if he had unfortunate medical reasons for needing the aisle seat he should have explained to DD that he needs to have the aisle seat aNd could she please move. My DH likes the aisle seat cos he wants minimum contact with the great unwashed and also can shoot out at the end avoiding the throng. He is 70.

FuzzyCustard · 09/03/2018 19:45

"There’s none more entitled than the boomer generation"

Massive and unfair generalisation.

MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:45

MN is weird as. Its always full of posters telling people to ask for seats on public transport yet when someone does ask for a seat its rude and they should be refused.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:46

@MarthaArthur

I don't think you can quite compare a packed tube train to an almost empty lecture theatre. Hmm

OP posts:
Bluelady · 09/03/2018 19:46

If my son behaved like this I'd think I'd gone badly wrong in bringing him up. He's been brought up to show some respect for older people and to be accommodating to people less able than himself. If there were other equally advantageous seats, why didn't she just go and sit in one? I would.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/03/2018 19:47

Where do you live Martha?

That would not be taken well where I live, or anywhere I have lived.

It being a question doesn’t mean he wasn’t rude.

keepKalm · 09/03/2018 19:48

Your daughter was ok to stay in her seat. The guy wasn’t rude to ask if she would move but he was rude to be rude about her saying no.

fusushumi · 09/03/2018 19:49

I always feel more inclined to accommodate requests if they are politely made. This one wasn't so you DD's reaction was understandable. I have had encounters with elderly people where they adopt a slightly hectoring, irritable tone and I always wonder why they think this is the best way to get what they want?

One I remember in particular was while waiting in a very long queue in a café. A bad-tempered elderly man wanted to come to the front of the queue because he had already bought his lunch but now wanted coffee and didn't see why he should have to queue again. The much younger man at the front of the queue was far more generous & polite to him than he deserved

FluffyWuffy100 · 09/03/2018 19:49

She was not rude!

Old man had no need for DDs seat. There was an aisle seat just one row behind free. He was an entitled dick trying to move he little woman out of his way.

StaplesCorner · 09/03/2018 19:49

My teen DDs generally go out of their way to help an elderly person, a disabled person -anyone they think needs help - in fact regardless of their age. However, I would be delighted if they simply sat in their seat and ignored the rude git. Why should young girls and women constantly be expected to put their own needs 2nd?

Also I'm 56 so I cannot wait 14 years time I can treat everyone like dirt and MN will say I am entitled. strange though because I try to be a nice person now, but apparently in 14 years I turn into a fuckwit. Hmm. Well at least I can have anyone's seat whenever I feel like it.

PrinceofWales · 09/03/2018 19:52

Because Bluelady she got there early especially!

She was definitely not unreasonable. There were other identical seats so why on earth did he have to ask for hers? I would'nt dream of trying to turf someone already settled in a seat out for me. There's being kind and polite, which would be offering her seat to him if there were none left, and there's being a mug.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 09/03/2018 19:53

He also could have had the aisle seat of the same row on the block of seats on the left of the room, and been just as far forward, but then you don't have quite as good a forward-facing view of the speaker.

He might have had hearing problems which would have meant that side of the room would be a problem. In all honesty if someone who is elderly and disabled asks me for a seat and says they need that particular one I don’t ask them for full details of their disability and proof, I just do it. Wouldn’t really be any skin off DD’s nose to sit in the next row back either.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 09/03/2018 19:54

She could have just said ‘No, I’m sorry, I need an aisle seat, that’s why I got here early’.

She sounds very anxious though, it’s a Lib Dem politician in a lecture room, you really don’t need ‘the perfect view’ surely.

LadyHonoriaDedlock · 09/03/2018 19:54

Blimey, all this fuss for a flippin' Lib Dem!

Was the seat made of gold or something? I need to have an aisle seat near an exit if I'm with either of my dcs who have seizures - I would NOT like to have to explain this in front of the teenage dc in particular, as she would be embarrassed. There's a hundred reasons someone would - not necessarily need - but would be more comfortable in a certain seat. It would be a very small and simple kindness just to let them.

If it'd been Jeremy Corbyn that's another matter Wink

GlitterGlue · 09/03/2018 19:55

He was rude. She was perfectly entitled to remain in that seat.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:55

@AnnieAnoniMouse

She's a big fan of the particular politician, and wanted to be able to ask a question in the Q and A!

I don't think it's a big deal.

OP posts: