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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
childmindingmumof3 · 09/03/2018 19:04

He could still choose an aisle seat sitting one row back isn't going to make any difference TERF.

It sounds like some weird power thing that he could choose any seat but he had to have the one seat a young woman was occupying.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/03/2018 19:04

If this was a cinema and not a lecture, would anyone have expected someone who got there first to move seats to somewhere with a lesser view?
Surely being able to hear is what mattered, not being able to see. Yes, he was unreasonable, playing the age card is a form of discrimination, just because he is older than her, doesn't mean he gets priority. There were plenty of seats an equal distance away in the same row, or an aisle seat right behind, so no need for the exact seat she was in.

SilverdaleGlen · 09/03/2018 19:05

She wasn't rude, if his eyesight was bad he could have taken the non aisle seat on the same row. So his argument is void.

littlemissrain · 09/03/2018 19:07

Definitely not unreasonable in my books.

Wanting one of the only occupied seats in a near empty hall is pretty strange behaviour.

Helpimfalling · 09/03/2018 19:07

Old like how old though

Birdsgottafly · 09/03/2018 19:07

He described the reason (his disability) why he would have preferred that seat. Your DD, who was there out of interest and not a lifelong supporter of the Party (which he might have been) decided to "just stop speaking to him".

So if your disabled, are challenged why you've requested to sit somewhere, given a valid medical reason, that's a valid response?

I'd be ashamed if it was my DD. It wouldn't have made any difference to her to sit one row behind.

You'll get told different on here, there is a dislike of the Elderly and it's pro invisable disabilities as long as it isn't the Elderly.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:08

@Helpimfalling

DD is terrible at estimating people's ages, but she thought he looked at least 70.

OP posts:
Bluffinwithmymuffin · 09/03/2018 19:08

Don’t think your DD sounds rude, particularly, and full marks to her for standing her ground, not impolitely, when far too often women give in gracefully in these situations to keep the peace.

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:09

If he could sit in another aisle seat then he was just being a cheeky git so no, she wasn't being unreasonable.

martellandginger · 09/03/2018 19:09

Aren’t those corner seats for disabled people? In case of fire etc?

Birdsgottafly · 09/03/2018 19:09

"if his eyesight was bad he could have taken the non aisle seat on the same row. "

Not if he would have struggled to get in and out and needed to stretch his legs, or go to the toilet.

You shouldn't have to go through all of your medical history to get a seat.

RitaMills · 09/03/2018 19:10

She was not in the slightest bit BU or rude for that matter, I can’t believe anyone would think she was. Hmm

InfiniteSheldon · 09/03/2018 19:11

She was rude

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2018 19:12

He could easily have sat on the other aisle seat probabky just a metre or so to the right. Of all the aisle seats available why that one? Unless it went from one person to packed im.two Mins?

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:13

He was probably bullshitting about his eyesight to get her to move. I think it is fairly typical of the way some older people treat younger people.

SilverdaleGlen · 09/03/2018 19:13

If his ability was an issue birds he could have taken the aisle seat behind. If the lecture theatre was full she should have moved but he had myriad options.

And this place is not bloody anti elderly what a silly statement!

Helpimfalling · 09/03/2018 19:13

Okay so I think I would advise my DS to give up his seat and grin and bare it

I don't think your daughter was rude at all or in the wrong he was a cheeky git but I would just tell him to give him the benefit of the doubt

If it was someone younger I wouldn't feel the same although they well could have difficulties seeing too

I just relate old people to be like my dad who wouldn't be so cheeky but I'd hope someone would give up there seat for him

Older people have a different mentality sometimes

TERFragetteCity · 09/03/2018 19:13

He could still choose an aisle seat sitting one row back isn't going to make any difference TERF.

Is that why they always put the more accessible seats just beyond the most easiest place to access? Oh no, hang on - they usually put them first, I wonder why that might be?

LeighaJ · 09/03/2018 19:15

She wasn't being unreasonable, there were plenty of seats available he just wanted that one and was pissed off that he didn't get it first and couldn't guilt or intimidate your daughter into giving it up.

MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:15

You said it was the best seat in the house with the clearest view. Yes i think she was ride. She could have moved up one seat. It might seem small to someone without eyesight issues but makes all the difference to someone with eyesight or hearing problems. No she did not have to move but seems petty.

MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:16

Rude*

44PumpLane · 09/03/2018 19:16

From the information given in the OP it certainly doesn't sound like you'd DD was being at all unreasonable.

It sounds like there was an aisle seat available directly behind, and a seat in the same row right next to the aisle seat.

The gentleman had the opportunity to get there as early as OPs DD did, but it sounds like he also knows that's the best seat and thought he'd try and terf her out of it.

Well done that she stood her ground.

Had he said to her politely "would you mind if I took your seat because...." I'm sure she would have obliged, attitude can be everything.

Also, perhaps you shouldn't have to give your medical history to strangers, but if you are expecting strangers to accommodate you then sometimes it's not unreasonable to provide some information as to why they should inconvenience themselves for you.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 09/03/2018 19:16

No, SWNBU. I'm absolutely sure that one row didn't make the difference to whether he could see or not, or he would have sat in the same row.

LizzieSiddal · 09/03/2018 19:17

So there was an aisle seat behind?
He said he had bad etesite anndwoudlnt beable too see?

She should have moved!

Surely it’s not too much trouble if he’s said he had bad eyesight?

TrashPanda · 09/03/2018 19:17

If the issue was not being able to see then a seat in the same row would be fine. If it was leg room the aisle seat behind would be fine. If there was only one seat suitable in the whole venue for him he needed to get there earlier or comtact the venue in advance to ask if it could be reserved.

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