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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 09/03/2018 19:55

She was not unreasonable!!

Some elderly seem to think they are priority at everything.

hotsouple · 09/03/2018 19:56

I am young but have OCD and would want to sit in an aisle seat if possible. Am I less entitled to an isle seat than an older woman who needs to pee more?

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:56

There's a hundred reasons someone would - not necessarily need - but would be more comfortable in a certain seat. It would be a very small and simple kindness just to let them.

OP's DD had a reason for wanting the seat too and she had arrived especially early get it, unlike the person who was trying to make her move.

LouHotel · 09/03/2018 19:56

This thread is really interesting. We are forever telling young girls they should be more assertive yet on a site which is majority female, in a text book example of being assertive the OP's DD is being labelled rude, discriminatory against disabled people and ageist.

She was not rude and for the older gentlemen to then sit directly behind her muttering is passive aggressive.

Witchend · 09/03/2018 19:56

I thought it was considered rude to take an aisle seat at the beginning because everyone else then has to climb over you to sit down.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:56

@LadyHonoriaDeadlock

My dd is a Lib Dem member, and the MP in question was Jo Swinson, who is a very big deal in the Young Liberals world!

OP posts:
Bluelady · 09/03/2018 19:56

I don't care if she got there a week early. If there were identical seats, why not just move to one? I'd be ashamed of her. But obviously I'm wrong.

hairycoo · 09/03/2018 19:57

@staples, you will not be entitled, it will be assumed you are entering the early stages of dementia because old people cant be arseholes.

OutyMcOutface · 09/03/2018 19:57

I would suggest you advise your daughter to avoid the political talks/events at QM. There are a lot of...interesting characters there (ok, I mean extremists, lots of different kinds, I always find it surprising how divided the student body is). The commercial awareness/careers events are pretty good though.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 09/03/2018 19:57

I don’t think she was being rude. I’ve had this happen to me before. No offence on some of the elderly but some of them expect too much and are rude going about it. I can understand if she was sitting in a disabled seat but why should she move just because some guy is trying to guilt trip her to move.
I have utmost respect for the elder and I accommodate where I can and most don’t expect it and are extremely grateful however you get the few who show no respect back and very rude. And they think we (the younger generation) owe them some sort of gratitude.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:57

@OutyMcOutface

She noticed that at the Rees-Mogg talk she went to there!

OP posts:
HotCrossBunFight · 09/03/2018 19:58

Obviously.

OutyMcOutface · 09/03/2018 19:58

Oh and they were both being unreasonable and childish but like I said, a lot of nutters

teaandtoast · 09/03/2018 19:58

Sheer mantitlement.

greendale17 · 09/03/2018 19:58

She was not being unreasonable or rude.

There was an aisle seat directly behind, completely vacant. So no reason for the op’s daughter to move.

^This

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:58

I don't care if she got there a week early. If there were identical seats, why not just move to one? I'd be ashamed of her. But obviously I'm wrong.

If the seats were identical why didn't he move to one?!

WeAllHaveWings · 09/03/2018 19:59

He got himself up fed showered dressed across town to a lecture ON TIME yet we are supposed to think he's to old to know how to act or behave

I types a paragraph of what ifs but it’s obviously a waste of time. It’s a sad sad world when we can’t be kind and teach our children to be kind to the elderly.

and she hates being taken for a mug

By on old man!? Ds would have felt pleased with himself that he could help someone with difficulties out with little impact on himself. He is used to the “character traits” of the elderly. Hope I meet more people like my ds rather than your dd when I’m older!

OutyMcOutface · 09/03/2018 19:59

There are quite a few Reese Mogg luvies there. Really I don’t know what’s wrong with the place but a lot of weirdos.

deno · 09/03/2018 20:00

@Bluelady

The point is - that seat had the best view, because it was the least obstructed and had the best head-on view of the speaker.

There were other seats equally far forward, so it wasn't that his eyesight was the issue, he just wanted the best seat.

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 09/03/2018 20:00

Oh and if she is living there then tell her to stick to mature/international students (they’re all nice normal people). If you guys are Muslim tell her to avoid ISOC if she hasn’t already figured that one out.

deno · 09/03/2018 20:01

@OutyMcOutface

She's actually an LSE student, not a QMUL student - she was just there for the talk.

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 09/03/2018 20:05

I’m pleased your daughter stood her ground. She offered to allow the man a seat on the row, he declined with bad grace. She has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

I suspect the man had also done his homework and had a huff because he didn’t get to the theatre early enough. Unfortunate, but not the end of the world.

GlitterGlue · 09/03/2018 20:06

Think how many younger men out there are entitled arseholes. Are we to assume they transform into lovely old men when they hit 70. No, they simply become older entitled arseholes.

Why is there always and assumption that older people are lovely. Very often they are not, and never were.

Branleuse · 09/03/2018 20:07

She wasnt rude. She was there first. He was pretty rude, especially to sit there tutting and complaining afterwards. Thats REALLY rude. He was just trying to show that he thought he was better and more entitled than a woman. Bet he wouldnt have done that to a guy

bakingdemon · 09/03/2018 20:08

Anyone who arrives first and sits on the end of an aisle rather than moving up into the middle is being a pain in the arse and really inconsiderate of other people arriving later. (I organise a lot of events; this is a real bugbear.) Both of them are as bad as each other.

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