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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
deno · 09/03/2018 19:17

I haven't been to this lecture theatre, but dd says that the view is obscured by the lectern if you move one seat in from the aisle seat - the aisle seats are the only ones with an unobstructed view.

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 09/03/2018 19:18

older people have a different mentality sometimes

WTF do you think happens when you turn 70? You change species? Don't be so patronising. Stop press: the old are human beings just like us and just as capable of being cheeky gits. As this one plainly was.

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:18

What evidence is there that he had eyesight problems? It seems very convenient considering that it also happened to be the seat with the best view. I have eyesight problems but I wouldn't try to get someone to give up their seat for me. I would just get there early if I wanted a clear view as OP's DD did.

HotCrossBunFight · 09/03/2018 19:18

Which lecture theatre is it?

LizzieSiddal · 09/03/2018 19:18

I’d be very disappointed in my dds if they’d behaved like this.

ivykaty44 · 09/03/2018 19:18

I’m failing to understand what ops dd did that was rude.

Someone else asked rudely to sit in a seat this girl was sitting and she said no

If his eyesight was bad he could have sat next to the seat as the distance would have been the same

LizzieSiddal · 09/03/2018 19:19

“What evidence is there for an eyesight problem?”

What do you need evidence?

deno · 09/03/2018 19:19

@HotCrossBunFight

DD says she thinks it's called "ArtsTwo"

OP posts:
childmindingmumof3 · 09/03/2018 19:19

I find it pretty unbelievable that there was only one seat in the entire place that this man could sit in and it just happened to be one of the only seats that was taken Hmm

HotCrossBunFight · 09/03/2018 19:20

All of the QMUL lecture theatres I can remember have a centre aisle so the man could've sat on the same row and in the aisle.

teaandtoast · 09/03/2018 19:21

He was a rude CF, imo. Would he have targeted another man sitting there? I think not.
Good on your dd for standing her ground.

Helpimfalling · 09/03/2018 19:22

@TheNavigator I just think like use to be more respect for older people and now it sees to have disappeared I would change seats as to me it would be important to respect and older person but I don't feel many of my peers would as i don't feel older people get as much respect nowadays in which they use too

So maybe he was expecting her to change seats for that reason due to an older mentality is what I meant

MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:22

Who says he asked rudely? Op said he got huffy after she refused. Society is a mess people treat older people horribly. Older people do get poorer eyesight/hearing/mobility/bladder issues. Thats not a made up thing. Ops daughter said herself it was the best seat for viewing purposes. She could have moved without issue. She chose to be stubborn. Eyesight issues are real. Would you teach your kids to refuse to move for disabled people just because you can?

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:22

What do you need evidence?

Obviously not. My point is that it is a very convenient way of getting someone to move as they have no way of knowing if you are telling the truth or not. If he was in his 20s and claimed to have bad eyesight would people have expected the DD to move? I doubt it.

HotCrossBunFight · 09/03/2018 19:23

Btw I don't think your daughter should've moved. An extra foot further away would be made no difference in how well you could see the lecture and if he needed an aisle seat for comfort there were plenty to take. It's odd he was so insistent

teaandtoast · 09/03/2018 19:23

He was rude afterwards, @MarthaArthur, huffung and muttering.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:23

@MarthaArthur

You don't think saying "Aren't you going to move up then?" is rude?

It seems pretty rude to me. If I for whatever reason needed a particular seat, I think I would begin by saying, "I'm terribly sorry, but I was wondering if there was any chance I could have that seat, as I have difficulties with my sight."

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 19:24

Older people do get poorer eyesight/hearing/mobility/bladder issues.

I agree about hearing/mobility/bladder but poor eyesight for a 70 year old is usually correctable with glasses.

deno · 09/03/2018 19:24

@MarthaArthur

It was the best seat for viewing purposes because it had the least obstructed view. Anybody sitting on the right of the room would not have had as good a view - nothing to do with ability to see.

OP posts:
MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:25

No it sounds like a normal inform verbal exchange. Most people dont speak like 1940s radio broadcasters in real life.

hairycoo · 09/03/2018 19:25

YANBU. Good for your daughter sticking up for herself. And since MN seems to abhor ageism, what is with all the pp's defending the man by inventing non existent illnessess, just because he is old. The man didnt say he had sore legs or anything, only that he had poor eyesight, in which case the seat next to the dd would be adequate for him. He was being a CF of the highest order and imo using his age and sex to guilt trip your daughter into moving. Would he have asked a 50 year old male to move on the same basis, doubt it.

WeAllHaveWings · 09/03/2018 19:25

I would be very disappointed in my ds if he didn't have the ability to recognise independently that an elderly gentleman who probably has sight and hearing difficulties would benefit immensely from being closer to the front, especially if ds only had to move one row back or a couple of seats along which would be no real hardship for him. I hope he was raised better than that.

You don't actually say what your opinion is? Was your dd being unreasonable in your eyes?

MarthaArthur · 09/03/2018 19:25

dungeon my gran has poor eyesite due to glaucoma glasses dont correct it for her.

HotCrossBunFight · 09/03/2018 19:26

I can't see how any seat a row back or on the other side of an aisle woukd really change things

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?
buttercup54321 · 09/03/2018 19:26

no she wasn't. he was rude and entitled as well as late.

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