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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
JaneEB · 11/03/2018 09:25

If it is a lecture theatre, then is it in a university? Surely, in that case, then students should take priority over people that come to the talk to simply "listen" to it rather than use it for part of study?

Anyway, if he was so sure about where he wanted to sit, then he should have arrived earlier than your daughter!

whywhywhywhywhyyy · 11/03/2018 09:38

She was not being unreasonable. As a student, in a university lecture hall she's got priority over members of the public anyway, plus she tried to accommodate him.

Elderly people can be arseholes too. Sometimes it's just down to arseholiness rather than a tragic backstory too. The guy sounds like a chancer.

Dungeondragon15 · 11/03/2018 09:54

The suggestion that he might have dementia is pretty ridiculous considering that he was capable of getting to the lecture and he was interested in politics lecture in the first place. The great majority of 70s year olds are perfectly compos mentis and to suggest othewise purely on the basis of his age is quite patronising and I think "ageist" - ironic considering that many of the posters suggesting this are accusing others of being "disablist"

UpSideDownBrain · 11/03/2018 09:57

She was not rude. He was. I bet he would not have asked another man to move.
I was at a sports event once and turned up 2 hours early to get a front row view at the road side barriers. About 10 minutes before the start, a couple rocked up and asked me to move so they could have the front row. I said no and stayed put. The husband then started complaining loudly about how rude I was and pushing and banging into me. I still stayed put and they moved on, presumably to hassle someone else.

Hoppinggreen · 11/03/2018 10:00

If I get somewhere early so I can choose a specific seat or a very good seat then I won’t move unless there’s a very good reason and I just as happy with the seat I’m being asked to move to.
If you need a certain seat and you can’t book it get there early enough to secure it

manicmij · 11/03/2018 10:03

Cant understand wby in the whole place there is only one seat that gives a good view. Surely one seat in front or behind wouldn't have made that much difference to either of them. Can appreciate aisle seat may be best for older person. Your DD wasn't unreasonable but perhaps a bit tactless. It was a political lecture, no wonder there are wars when folk can't compromise on a seat.

Sennelier1 · 11/03/2018 10:05

I don't think being a certain age gives you the right to move younger people out of the way. If there hadn't been a good seat left it would've been the right thing to do to give up once place to an elderly person, a younger person could stand or sit on the stairs of the auditorium. But this was about being picky, I think no, she was not BU.

aifai · 11/03/2018 10:24

Nope she was not being unreasonable and she wasn't rude. She got there first, that wasnt the only seat, there were other seats the old man could have sat on but he decided to be rude. If he had asked nicely she probably would have allowed him have the seat.

macaronigonzalez · 11/03/2018 10:50

He was rude. Good on her for her asserting herself.

My mother is 76, and in some contexts extremely entitled and rude. I recall she was just as rude at 46, 56, and 66. Young rude arseholes become old rude arseholes.

Billben · 11/03/2018 11:34

Your DD was in the right to stand her ground. Good on her. I was brought up to respect my elders but with age I’m realizing that a lot of them play the age card to get away with entitled, rude behaviour. Respect needs to be earned, not expected. If he wanted that particular seat, he should have gotten there earlier. I certainly wouldn’t have moved for him either however much he tried to guilt trip me into it.

DeniseRoyal · 11/03/2018 12:03

This reply has been deleted

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Sostenueto · 11/03/2018 14:36

I can't believe this thread is still going.

riceuten · 11/03/2018 21:08

Generally I am in favour of young people giving up seats for pensioners but in this case he sounded like a grumpy entitled old git. YANBU (or rather SWNBU)

LineyOfArabia · 11/03/2018 21:28

I can't believe this thread is still going

Why's that then? Doesn't suit your new-found oligarchy?

poppy54321 · 11/03/2018 22:07

He was likely slightly mad, strange or unpleasant and she was best to keep quiet. I imagine rather than being rude and ignoring him she was just embarrassed and didn't know what to say. I think some people are mistakenly saying she is rude because they don't know why she went quiet.

Ethylred · 11/03/2018 22:34

Her mistake was in caring about this.

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