Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

[deno]

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

CadyHeron I think you and I and Stripy are talking about different things, actually. Yes - there's opening the door to be polite. This generally happens naturally and without fanfare. You and a man approach a door at the same time; he reaches it first and steps slightly aside to allow you to pass first.

Then there's the "ostentatiously rush to the door, fling it open with one arm and stand to attention like a soldier on parade to let the lady pass" manoeuvre. This is wholly different and is (correct me if I'm wrong, Stripy) what Stripy and I are discussing. We just have a different take on it.

The door is a great example. I hold doors open for anyone, it's something I do without thought.

But if someone demanded I do it for them I'd happily let it slam in their face.

And that's the point here. The man didn't ask.

CallYourDadYoureInACult! Are you a murderino?!

FGS, this is what gives feminism a bad name. Not patronising, show off peacocky strutting "hey,look at me, ladeees" (kind of Austin Powers style, is that how you're imagining them?!)
It's called being polite. It must be emotionally exhausting to take offence and perceived slights at everything.

Well, if said men are happy to do that (holding doors but it could anything else really) to other men too and do it in the same way, then I fully agree. That would be giving them intentions that aren’t there.
The issue is, I haven’t seen said men doing the holding the door for other men. So it’s not an issue of politeness on their part but something else.

I also agree that some door holding is just being kind and polite. Like you would for any other human being. It has a very different feel to it, actually I suspect that I wouldn’t notice it as such. But it’s unusual that men do it that way. Because they wouldnt normally it for everyone...

The issue is, I haven’t seen said men doing the holding the door for other men. So it’s not an issue of politeness on their part but something else.

Really? I have. They do. Even if I'd never seen it before, and was under the assumption that they only did it for the women, I still couldn't get worked up about it.
I see nothing wrong with old fashioned good manners/chivalry.

No your daughter wasn’t rude at all. She got there early and chose her seat, she doesn’t have to give it up. I will always get up for people that need a seat more than me, BUT I won’t tolerate old people being rude because they think they have the right to be. He didn’t even ask her nicely. Or at all even! He just presumed - Cheeky old f*^%##! Hope your daughter enjoyed her evening, and tripped matey boy up on the way out 😀👍

Good for her, not giving ground to a bloke who had other options.

otoh I would almost certainly have given up my seat

otoh there is a part of me that can't help wondering if he would have been equally anxious to take the seat from a middle-aged man

Old people are odd, sometimes an aisle seat is important for bladder reasons and we can't hear or see very well either.

She was within her rights but sometimes being the bigger, nicer person makes the world a better place.

Fwiw, I paid lots of money for good seats to a play and the woman in front of me was much larger and she couldn't decide which way to lean. It ruined the play for me and the old man behind me bc I was forced into an odd dance trying to see around her every few minutes. The next summer a man who clearly did not like the play sat in front and talked loudly through it. It's a gamble and I lose most of the time.

Of course she was 🙄

Fight for a seat at a talk by a Lib Dem mp. Whatever next?

If he was expecting her to move up does that mean the seat next to her was free? Why didn’t he just sit there?

He was being unreasonable to expect her to move seats for him.

Sounds like a rude, entitled man who expected to be able to intimidate her but failed. Well done, OP's DD.

I open the door for young and old, female and male, pushchairs, wheelchairs, in fact it comes natural to me, without a thought, its called politeness and give and take which seems remarkably absent from said incident on both sides. Its another example, on both sides of ' I have more right than you' and just another example of the ' me,me' society we live in.

I fail to see where OP’s DD wbu. I’d be very disappointed if my parents or grandparents (who are in their late 80’s) treated someone like this. This concept that as people get older they’re allowed to be rude and not be held accountable is bizarre.

Well done to OP’s daughter, she handled it well.

There are plenty of these CF’s around and they need to get the message. I’ve experienced similar scenarios at:

Supermarket/shop queues
Theatres
Budget flights with free seating, but you can pay to book a seat.

(I’m of a similar age to the “old” giffer by the way).

He was just being awkward. She shouldn't worry about it.

Sounds like he was also familiar with the lecture theatre and wanted the ‘best seat in the house’ too.
I think I would have given up my seat for an elderly man but only because I am failing to understand how only ONE seat would give a view of the speaker.
Does the speaker sit down and then not move for the whole speech?
This is just out of curiosity as I am a lecturer and hope that everyone can see me when I am teaching in a theatre such as the one posted by a pp.
If there were plenty of alternative aisle seats then he WBU not your DD.

For someone with any kind of sight loss, being one row closer to the front can make all the difference between seeing something and nothing at all. All the people who are ‘absolutely sure’ that one row would make no difference at all have clearly not got much experience or understanding of a disability that does, incidentally, mostly affect older people. If someone’s saying they have a disability, why assume they are just doing it to be cheeky! This is something people with sight loss are often accused of and suffer abuse for, but why would someone bother to pretend that they have what is a disability if they don’t. This thread is very sad for me as shoes how much still needs to be done to highlight what it means to live with sight loss

He could have sat in the same row.

It sounds like both were a bit rude during the exchange but the need for that particular seat is just weird. Lecture halls are designed to have good acoustics and you should hear clearly wherever you sit. As for needing to see, it was a MP giving a talk, I’m unsure what there was to actually see!

Definitely NBU. A lot of people are assuming the old man had problems with his vision and hearing and the OP's DD has perfect vision and hearing. That may or may not be true. She got there first and chose her seat. There were plenty of other seats for him to choose. Sounds to me like he was using his age to get what he wanted, the best seat.

Or, he could actually just been an entitled so and so who saw someone he thought might be easily persuaded. It does happen you know, not everyone over the age of 50 has dementia/bladder problems/sight or hearing issues. He quite likely was just a bit of a git.

Yes because she could have moved to the aisle seat in the row behind.
Although the old man was also being unreasonable as there was not reason that he couldn’t sit there either.

There were many other aisle seats available the gentleman could have sat in and been just as comfortable. She had made sure she was there early to get the seat she wanted. He could have done the same. To then try and make her feel guilty and manipulate the situation to get what he wanted was more the behaviour of a child than a mature gentleman. She was right to stand her ground.