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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would you want to work full time when your dh earns enough?

158 replies

NaiceToMeetYou · 09/03/2018 18:29

^ my dm. The woman who's been 'on the sick for 25 years. I'm neglecting my children apparently. Fwiw dh has a decent wage which pays the bills but we're by no means rich. I've always worked, only part time for the last few years and this new role is actually a promotion I was very proud of.
Wibu to tell her to piss off back to the 1950's?

OP posts:
MrsLaurac · 09/03/2018 18:32

Absolutely not unreasonable.

Extra money can only enhance life.
Me and hubs could "survive" quite comfortably on his wage but two wages allows us to "live" very happily

Spudina · 09/03/2018 18:32

That's annoying. Yes tell her to do one. Congratulations on your promotion OP.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 09/03/2018 18:34

YANBU. Well done on the promotion Flowers

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2018 18:34

Nope. It would be thoroughly reasonable to do so.

You could also explain to her that you enjoy working, wish to have a pension, desire to be financially independent, wish to financially contribute to your family, not put additional pressure on your husband to be the sole breadwinner, not wish to see him go out to work every day whilst you stay home, not live off another person and that your children are happy, loved and well cared for.

Snipples · 09/03/2018 18:35

My MIL asked me if I was giving up work when we told her I was pregnant as why would I work if we could manage on one wage?

It's such an old fashioned view. Better to have some semblance of financial independence I think.

Biscusting · 09/03/2018 18:36

^ what she said. Well done OP

Theresasmayshoes11 · 09/03/2018 18:38

It’s none of your mums business what you do regards work.

Just as it’s none else’s business if you decided to give up work or work PT.

It’s up to each family what they choose to do snd no one else’s business.

Branleuse · 09/03/2018 18:39

its an old fashioned view I guess. I do think its a shame when you get one person who works the hours of two jobs, effectively meaning theres no job for someone else, and i can see the point that in a climate of so few jobs, that some families take so much more than they need, and others cant get a job at all, but thats my inner socialist speaking

WhyBeDennyDifferent · 09/03/2018 18:39

How annoying!
Err how about my sanity?

Original poster
NaiceToMeetYou · 09/03/2018 18:39

Thank you all Flowers

She has loads of shitty views on things but this has touched a nerve I suppose. I do have guilt at the dc being in childcare more but it's only an extra few hours and it won't be forever.

OP posts:
PerfectlyDone · 09/03/2018 18:39

YANBU.

My reasons:

  • to not go start raving mad at home Grin
  • to add to the family income
  • to continue in a career I have worked to bloody hard to achieve
  • to protect future earning
  • to pay in to my pension
  • I am lucky to have a hugely satisfying job so would miss the stimulation and satisfaction it brings too
  • it means that now that H is leaving me after 20 years of marriage I know I can support myself, whatever he might pull out of his hat.
g1itterati · 09/03/2018 18:44

YANBU for doing whatever you want OP, but YABU for implying women who don't work because their DH's are high earners are living in the 1950s. I'm tired of hearing such sanctimonious crap on MN tbh.

Babyroobs · 09/03/2018 18:46

My dh earns enough and has had a biggish inheritance but I still work full time ( 2 jobs) because I can't decide which one to give up !! I've been deliberating over it for 15 months now !! Like others have said though pension is important and financial independence is important.

Timeforabiscuit · 09/03/2018 18:49

Congratulations!

We could live off my dhs wage , except

I enjoy my job
We can cover bills if either one of us is made redundant

QforCucumber · 09/03/2018 18:53

I wouldn't explain shit. Just respond 'to earn More'

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2018 18:54

YANBU for doing whatever you want OP, but YABU for implying women who don't work because their DH's are high earners are living in the 1950s. I'm tired of hearing such sanctimonious crap on MN tbh.

Jeez. She's clearly not implying that, why start a bun fight. She's saying her mothers attitude is what belongs in the fifties. Which it does.

pinkmagic1 · 09/03/2018 18:56

Why is it always expected the women give up her career and stay at home whilst the man brings in the money?
I am an adult and would have no desire to be financially dependant on anyone. I think it puts a women in a very vulnerable position, married or not.

NotLinkedInSnowedIn · 09/03/2018 18:57

The problems with MILs and FILs who put pressure on DILs to give up work to look after the grandchildren is that they do not acknowledge her loss of earnings, inability to save, damage to PENSION, damage to career, and then their son splits up DIL they will feel aggrieved if she gets any of his pension.

Nquartz · 09/03/2018 18:58

We could live off DH salary alone but Mine pays for our holidays & means i retain my sanity & might have an ok pension when (if!) I retire

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2018 18:58

Why is it always expected the women give up her career and stay at home whilst the man brings in the money?

Because that's how it used to be. Women did have to give up their careers to bring up the kids.

In local councils as recently as the fifties, prob later, you had to leave your job when you got married if you were female, it wasn't even about kids.

BuzzKillington · 09/03/2018 18:59

Er, because I'm a professional with a career. We could live off my husband's salary, but I would be rather bored.

tomhazard · 09/03/2018 18:59

We could live off one wage. But with mine:
We can have holidays too
I don't go mad being a sahm which isn't for me
I pay into my pension, which is quite a good one as employer contributes a lot
My DC can do extra activities which they love

pinkmagic1 · 09/03/2018 19:02

I am aware of that Bluntness, but it is no longer the 1950's and it still seems to be the default for the women to sacrifice her earning power in many relationships.
I don't want this to get into a debate of sahm v wohm, however I think that it can put women in a vulnerable position.

Mrskeats · 09/03/2018 19:02

My reasons are

  1. Self respect
  2. Pension
  3. We have 3 kids at uni so can support them a bit more
  4. I like my job
  5. It’s not 1950
KochabRising · 09/03/2018 19:03

We’ve seen more than one death in our social circle before the age of 40.

If you want to be a sahm then of course go for it but there are plenty of advantages to working. Pensions, career to go back to when they’re older, personal security and financial security.
A partner can get sick, injured and be unable to work, or even die. Having two workers is effectively an insurance policy.

Tell her sweetly that things have changed since all those years ago. it’s no one’s business but yours if you woh or sah.