AIBU to think not everyone drives and that's ok?

[Thingiebob]

I don't drive. I have tried and tried but I have some significant issues that mean I struggle with sensory overload and have brain freezes. I have had in excess of 100 hours of lessons and I am nowhere near test standard. Most people are unaware of my issues. They probably think I am a bit flaky and clumsy and not aware of much they impact my life. Even my own mother doesn't take them seriously.

AIBU to not want to disclose this info every time someone sneers at me for not driving or asks me relentless questions about my non-driving? What do I say?

I agree with PP saying it's a generational thing. I don't know any current teenagers who didn't start learning on their 17th or don't plan to, other than families for whom it's too prohibitive financially.

Whereas my mum didn't drive, never did. She relied on my dad driving her to work and back every single night and morning as it was so far across town there were no public transport links taking less than three hours total. I saw the strain on him having every evening at 8pm to make a 90 min round trip and then the same at 7am before work (she worked night shift).

I don't blame her as I do see the generational differences in her case. But I'd be dammed if I would be willing in this day and age to live with a man who couldn't get himself about without me.

Limon, yes, but if they live in a village that is near a city, why not meet in the city?
Unless you want a countryside activity, why arrange to meet somewhere difficult to access?
But then, I hardly ever meet people at home anyway, we go to cafes and pubs.

It’s definitely better for my kids that I don’t drive. They walk so much more than their peers and have a really good understanding of the local area. They deport themselves well on public transport as well as being used to waiting and queuing. I am good at entertaining them for short periods with little games etc, which carries over well into other areas like waiting at the doctors.

In the short term for a trip or two public transport with children is more painful than driving. Ditto for ‘making’ them walk rather than driving. But over time it’s so much better for them in my opinion.

Gwenhwyfar oh I see most of mine at their homes. As the ones I visit most often either have very young kids so it's less hassle, or in one care is severely disabled so can't leave the house.

I go back to my home city fairly regularly and so often see a few different groups at once. No way could I manage that if I didn't have a car as I'd be on buses for hours trying to get from one to another!

And by near a city I mean around 10 miles from the nearest city centre.

Limon, I try to focus my life on wherever I'm living. I go back to my home town twice a year so it's not worth my learning to drive just for that. I also go back to where I lived before now, but that is a foreign city and it would make no sense to drive there.

I rarely see people at home either. Can’t be doing with it, prefer to meet in pubs/go to the cinema/for a meal. The cost of driving outweighs the advantages.

In the short term for a trip or two public transport with children is more painful than driving. Ditto for ‘making’ them walk rather than driving. But over time it’s so much better for them in my opinion.

When I and my siblings were children, our mum used to take us up to London and take us round by bus and tube to see the sights and visit family. Result was that when I was old enough to go to London on my own, I was quite confident about using the tube and generally finding my way around.

If learning to drive is an essential life skill, learning to use public transport is equally important, if not more so.

I disagree a bit about it being a generation thing. I'm 26 and have quite a few friends that don't drive also through choice. Equally I have plenty that do drive. I actually think its going to become more common. The costs of not only learning to drive but running a car really add up. With how expensive life in general is, not having a car is one of those costs that, in some cases, is easier to cut. We do have a family car, as I've said, dh enjoys driving and the convenience it gives. We can afford it too. If we ever needed to get rid of a big expense though the car would be one of the first things to go.

I will admit to anyone that things in day to day life would likely he a little easier for me if I drove. The costs aren't worth it to me though and tbh I think I'd end up really lazy. I walk an average of two hours a day ATM and it would likely be much, much less if I drove.

I also know loads of people my age who don’t drive. I’m 23. From a city.

I think this is more an urban/rural thing.

I drive and quite enjoy it now, but it wasn’t something that came easily or naturally to me, it took me 4 attempts to pass. I was 26 when I passed. I would agree with those saying an automatic would be easier too. Although I learned and passed in a manual I’ve only driven automatics for the past ten years or so, I much prefer them.

For me, any extra "freedom" is completely overridden by

1)car cost
2)petrol cost
3)insurance cost
4)road tax cost
5)maintenance cost
6)MOT cost
7)parking cost
8)extremely high probability of death or injury or writing off car, leading to
9)extra car/repair cost
10)higher rate car insurance

Not worth it. Would rather have £££ and my body intact. Also, you can do so much on public transport - I did a whole bloody circle of Taiwan alone on public transport. And all my friends live in London or Bristol.

Oh and the price of a leg amputation after I crash, and a lawyer for the people I'd injure on the road.

I've never driven, although both my instructors thought I was of the correct standard I fall to pieces in the test. I have awful hand eye coordination and like poster if I feel under pressure my brain seems to get all it's signals muddled up. We've always made good public transport a necessity when choosing where to live.

Although I've owned cars in the past I now long term lease through work. As little as £200 per month for a brand new car of your choice, all insurance (for up to five people), MOT, servicing, repairs covered. One of the smartest decisions I've ever made. Comes out of my wages before I see my payday then all that's left to pay is petrol.

If everyone drove, the roads would be mayhem. Infact they wouldn't move... tons of people don't drive, as evidenced by the amount of public transport we have. Imagine everyone in a car. The roads are already full! People judge you on an individual level but don't think about the impact of everyone being a driver.

That's sad that someone laughed at you - complete bitch to do,that to you. My dad never drove - couldn't afford a car etc, people were amazed but he coped - we just didn't go anywhere as kids/ walked or bussed it.

I drive and hate it - had a few prangs in ,my 20s and I can't stop thinking it will happen again - years and years later too ! The roads here are manic and running two cars isn't cheap either..people drive aggressively and being stuck in traffic is the pits. It's convenient- it's only good feature!

I think comments to people who don’t drive often come from people who were bought driving lessons and a car for their 17th birthdays and never had to worry about finding money for the luxury

What a very odd conclusion to come to. Hardly anyone I know was "given" a car on their 17th birthday (or 16th where I am and you can start lessons at that age). But most do learn to drive whilst still in their teens as it's just a basic skill to have and natural life progression. It doesn't need to cost thousands in lessons. I've certainly never met anyone who's spent that much.

There's a 100 hours minimum driving requirement here and so most people just do it supervised by their parents/suitable adult. My DC has just completed their 100 hours, all under my supervision. They've had a couple of professional lessons lately just to ensure they're ready for the test - hardly at a cost of thousands.

Where I grew up driving was also considered a necessary life skill. Only people with very severe disabilities (blindness, uncontrolled epilepsy, severe mental handicaps) didn’t at least learn to drive.

It wasn’t uncommon for some people to only drive locally due to nervousness etc but it was expect that able bodied adults had a drivers license. Rural kids learned to drive on farms and back roads in their early teens and could get a permit at 15.

So seeing so many adults who can’t drive for no real reason just seems odd to me.

However, if you live somewhere with good public transportation then I can see that it’s not really necessary to drive and less cars in the cities is a good thing.

I think that as long as you don’t need or expect unpaid rides from others for every day things like getting to work, childcare or groceries it’s really no one else’s business if you drive or not.

In a not nasty way, it's actually a good thing you don't drive. Many people drive who shouldn't be and cause accidents because of this. You can't do it, that's not a bad thing. It's not for everyone.

New friends are in order though, that one that laughed at you is horrible.

In my experience non drivers underestimate the impact of their non driving on others.

I'd flip this the other way round: drivers IME underestimate the impact their car use has on others. Environmentally, cars are an absolutely terrible idea. If you want to do "your bit" then give up your car. Walk. Yes, maybe make your world a bit smaller and your life a bit slower - sacrifice a bit. Also, public transport is based on demand. So use it and keep it available for everyone, especially those who are less fortunate than you in terms of money or health.

I have friends I can only meet up in certain places because it’s dictated by where they can get to on public transport.

And this is a problem how? If they are local to you maybe you too could go on public transport. And maybe it would take twice as long. Invest in your local community - then you will have people locally who you want to see.

I think individual "it's mine" car ownership really highlights our individualistic society. It implies my time is more valuable and my children must do all these activities in different locations and if my,world shrinks that will make me a loser/my life less exciting/I can't do what I want all the time.

My job mandated I was a driver - when I asked at interview why I couldn't go to the different places on public transport, taking the time hit in my own time, they had no answer. And offered it to me anyway. And then I had a massive accident and now I can't cycle, walk slowly and painfully, and the public transport for work is a struggle. But I'm still doing it. I can't afford to run a car, but certainly it would make my life easier. I don't see that my convenience trumps the right of children to live in a world that is less polluted and congested though.

Nothing wrong with not driving if that is your choice. As long as you don't consider people who do drive as being your own personal taxis. 99% of people wouldn't do that but the other 1% take the piss!

There's a 100 hours minimum driving requirement here and so most people just do it supervised by their parents/suitable adult. My DC has just completed their 100 hours, all under my supervision. They've had a couple of professional lessons lately just to ensure they're ready for the test - hardly at a cost of thousands.

To be fair, that's not how it works for most people in the U.K. Almost all kids have proper lessons and if they're lucky can drive around under their parents' supervision if their parents drive and have a car. There's no legal limit on the number of hours you have to have driven for. You just have to meet the standard for the test.

And it did cost thousands for me! Luckily I had a job from sixteen so saved up. My mum didn't drive and my dad had just left so no car in the household therefore no practice. So it took me around two years of lessons (well probably 15 months total across the two years as I changed instructors and then kept having them during waiting for my next test when I failed the first two), each test was £100 for the test plus use of the car for an hour and a less right before, then paying for the licence etc, theory. £20 per week for all that time was £1,200, plus £300 of tests.

I certainly couldn't afford a car for a while after passing but getting the licence itself is crucial, then when you're older if you do need a car you can get one and be able to use it straight off the bat instead of building in a year to learn and pass under pressure.

However the expense is not a good enough reason to put it off unless you can't afford it. It's a lot in total but if you can find £20 per week it's doable. I'm really looking forward to surprising my honorary nephew with a few hundred on his seventeenth so he can get cracking asap.

And the expense is worth it a million times over when you consider the benefits having a car and being able to drive brings. Freedom, time saved to do something better with than stand at a bus stop, money saved driving rather than a train for longer journeys with a few passengers, being able to be there for your loved ones quickly in an emergency (especially for those of us who are spread out geographically and don't live in the same town as everyone we know), more convenient food shopping (can only struggle with so many bags on the bus), being able to meet people wherever you like, just knowing you have the ability to get from a to b without relying on a cabbie or a bus driver. I think it's difficult to envisage how life changing it can be going from not driving to driving until you do it.

emmyrose2000 you just inadvertently backed up everything I said. To practice with a family member, said family member has to have a car. Lots of teenagers in this country are poor, they don’t all have access to cars. I have no idea how much lessons are now but when I did my lessons (in my early 20s- couldn’t afford it until I was working full time) it was £20 an hour. That was almost 20% of my weekly wage and I was living independently by then so paying rent, etc. And that went on for months, as none of my family had cars to practice in. When I was a teenager doing a Saturday job that was more than my entire days pay. That money had to pay for my toiletries, going out, travel, a fiver for housekeeping. The sheer naive of some people to think it’s all so easy.