AIBU to think not everyone drives and that's ok?

[Thingiebob]

I don't drive. I have tried and tried but I have some significant issues that mean I struggle with sensory overload and have brain freezes. I have had in excess of 100 hours of lessons and I am nowhere near test standard. Most people are unaware of my issues. They probably think I am a bit flaky and clumsy and not aware of much they impact my life. Even my own mother doesn't take them seriously.

AIBU to not want to disclose this info every time someone sneers at me for not driving or asks me relentless questions about my non-driving? What do I say?

If fewer people drove, there would be fewer bad drivers, fewer accidents and fewer traffic jams. Plus there might be more pressure to increase the provision of good public transport. So people who don't drive should not be sneered at.

I hate the idea that you have to be able to drive. I am not allowed to due to health issues, even if I wanted to - and get so many comments of "well how do you manage?" - I get a bus/train/taxi or I walk.

I get to the supermarket before others on the school run (despite health issues!) because I have no need to park either end and it is 6 min walk through the park rather than 12 min round the one way system on top of parking time.

"How did you get here so quickly?" - erm I walked - we were just over there... pointing to other side of park which is just visible from the shop entrance.

Strange how people's perceptions of distance get blown out of proportion when travelling by car - because they HAVE to go a long way, they forget I don't have to WALK that way.

"Do your friends and family all live fair close to major train and bus stations?"

I presume that if someone lives in a remote place and they're not willing to meet people from the nearest town, that they're not bothered about being visited.
My parents live two buses from the train station. They pick me up or, if necessary, I get a taxi. It's only a few times a year, though.

I live in a city and try to be friends with people who live in towns and cities.

I don't drive. Dh can and we have a very large minibus type car because we have a large family. If I want anything whilst he's at work, I walk or catch a bus with the kids in tow. We're all used to it and enjoy walking. All the heavy loads (furniture etc) are done when dh is off.

My mil is the worst for making comments about me learning to drive. It's only because she can't drive either and wants me to run her around here, there and every bloody where! I would sooner walk than give her that satisfaction.

I think comments to people who don’t drive often come from people who were bought driving lessons and a car for their 17th birthdays and never had to worry about finding money for the luxury.

I agree that a car is useful in the countryside, but not so munch in towns and cities.
I remember going in a day trip to a small city by car. Such a pain in the arse to have to worry about parking. When you're on the train, you have to think about the timetable and make sure you don't miss the last one, but with parking you have to know in advance how long you're staying for. Cars don't always give you more freedom.

"I think comments to people who don’t drive often come from people who were bought driving lessons and a car for their 17th birthdays and never had to worry about finding money for the luxury."

This. I've been told learning to drive can cost around 1k. It also takes longer the older you are. Then there's the cost of a car, insurance and maintenance. Just not worth it if you don't need to.

Medical reasons are fine

Not learning to drive because you can’t be arsed and then expecting everyone to run round after you, not fine.

Even if you don’t drive for whatever reason get yourself to wherever you need to go..unless it’s an absolute emergency

I’ve been used for my car for years

I heartniles nope never had lessons and cars bought for me for my 17th birthday. I funded my own lessons and bought a car for 300 pounds that I’d saved hard for over a couple of years

I wish mumsnet had an edit button lol. I do get the financial side of things and how expensive it is these days to drive. I passed my test twenty years ago but my point is that I have a friend who never gets public transport anywhere because she can’t be arsed her words not mine. She relies on her friends and family to drive her everywhere even if it inconveniences them. She spends her money on binge drinking every weekend.

That’s annoying

If you're happy to have your circumference of regular travel restricted or don't have any reason to go further afield than the local supermarket then I suppose it makes little difference whether you drive or not!

Well, it would be outing to tell you about all the holidays and days out with friends I have planned for this year, all by public transport, on top of what I've already said about places I've been, so just go on ignoring what non-drivers on this thread are saying and carry on assuming that anyone who doesn't drive never ventures further than half a mile from home.

For me, time spent sitting on a bus or train is time available to read, write, sleep, think, drink coffee, look at the scenery, sometimes fall into an interesting conversation with someone. I find it valuable wind-down time. And walking to and from the station or bus stop is an easy way to include some exercise in one's daily routine.

I’ve been used for my car for years

Just say no! You’re being used because you associate with users and allow them to do it, not because you associate with non-drivers.

Yeah all the shitty comments about travelling distance / further afield. Planes are public transport!

You can get all over the world if you can’t drive. What you can’t do is get to the arse end of nowhere. Would I prefer to visit the Louvre at the visit or stare at a cow? Hmmmm...

I grew up in the arse end of nowhere and drove everywhere before I moved. I definitely travel more and see more now I’m a city dwelling non driver.

in answer to the op - if people ask say you just dont want to drive and you dont want to talk about it. its a bit brash and they will back off and never mention it again.

in principle the fewer people on the roads the better - cos i got places i need to be but am always in a traffic jam

"You can get all over the world if you can’t drive. What you can’t do is get to the arse end of nowhere. Would I prefer to visit the Louvre at the visit or stare at a cow? Hmmmm..."

Exactly. BUT, if I'm invited somewhere near that cow I can usually get to a few miles away from it by train and bus and only be picked up for the last part.

I hate driving, but have a car out of necessity due to no transport links in our area.
I would happily get around on public transport otherwise.
OP, just say you don't drive for medical reasons - people are rude if they enquire further.

People talk as though it's always a choice when it isn't. If someone tries and fails their test several times, what are they supposed to do?

Well, Isadora, based on some of the replies here, they should accept that they are lesser creatures and be treated with the contempt they apparently deserve.

That's it though, with me it is 100% a choice. I do think I'm perfectly capable of being able to drive but I choose not to. I never, ever ask for lifts and it pisses me off that some people think anyone that doesn't drive always expects others to ferry them around.

Actually laughing at the poster that thinks you can't go further than the local supermarket without a car. Im out of my local town plenty thanks. There's these crazy things called buses, trains, trams and planes. Sometimes the odd taxi comes in handy. Also, shock horror.. My legs don't stop working once I've been on them an hour

In my experience non drivers underestimate the impact of their non driving on others.

I have friends I can only meet up in certain places because it’s dictated by where they can get to on public transport.

Some none drivers sevendown

Sevendown - but why would you want to meet in a place with no public transport, unless you're going for a country walk or something?

I do think there's a element of an age divide regarding driving. I'm of an age when it was the usual thing to learn to drive asap but women older than me could rarely drive. I can think of loads of women who can't drive and they are all older than me. I can only think of 2 women younger than me that can't.
Years ago (and I'm talking 40 odd) things were different and it was not uncommon for mothers in their 20's to be SAHM, with the other half going to work full time and thus necessitating their sole use of the car. Second cars were practically unheard of ! My friend's mum had her own little brown mini and I can remember being amazed at that when i was aged 7!
Nowadays it's socially expected for everyone to drive, life is different now.

*Today 11:59 Gwenhwyfar

Sevendown - but why would you want to meet in a place with no public transport, unless you're going for a country walk or something?*

You do realise public transport isn't one long route that can drop you off anywhere?

Lots of my friends live in places that are technically accessible (think smaller towns and villages near cities) but it requires a bus from my place to the train in my town, the train to their nearest city. Then another lengthy bus to their place. Which may actually drop you off another half hour walk away. Hence turning it into a three hour trek as opposed to a quick hour drive.

Oh and no you are not unreasonable to not drive. It doesn't suit you, no one is in a position to judge, or shouldn't do anyway. I should think that it's because it's so "normal" to drive that people can't get their head around it.
On a similar ish vein, I don't drink at all, ever. I get questioned about why and I say it's because I don't like it. People think it's strange, I don't care. Just tell people you don't like driving, rinse and repeat.