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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think not everyone drives and that's ok?

243 replies

Thingiebob · 09/03/2018 13:55

I don't drive. I have tried and tried but I have some significant issues that mean I struggle with sensory overload and have brain freezes. I have had in excess of 100 hours of lessons and I am nowhere near test standard. Most people are unaware of my issues. They probably think I am a bit flaky and clumsy and not aware of much they impact my life. Even my own mother doesn't take them seriously.

AIBU to not want to disclose this info every time someone sneers at me for not driving or asks me relentless questions about my non-driving? What do I say?

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 11/03/2018 11:37

Not being able to drive doesn’t make you green

Perhaps - but choosing not to drive (even if you can drive), and to find alternatives to getting around, does make you greener.

And of course, the possession of a car needn't mean that you don't use other means of transport, including walking, cycling, getting public transport - except that in so many cases, in reality it does. People get so used to car use (and IMO so massively over-dependent) that even for the smallest things, and the shortest journeys, they get out the car, and consider any alternative massively inconvenient. Getting a few things down at local shops, visiting friends a few roads over, going to a local park to walk the dog, almost anything, and it's "I'll just pop down in the car".

I've written about this on MN before, but the absolute prize for this is won by my sister's next-door-neighbour, who drives her small son to school in her people-carrier. The school is on the same road as her house.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 11/03/2018 11:46

I don't live in a city, I live in a small town surrounded by a few larger towns. The public transport here is amazing. If we want to get to the nearest city by car it takes at least an hour, often more like 1 and a half hours. If we go by bus its always 45 mins as it goes through a bus route, no traffic to contend with other than the last 10mins of the journey and first 5 mins. I live a stones throw from a bus stop and a train station, its great.

The poster that said it takes 8 minutes by car but two hours by public transport firstly I really struggle to believe that...anyway, even if that is true then a taxi would surely take the same amount of time and the more obvious answer....if its 8 minutes by car it can't possibly be more than 30-45 minutes to walk, it really can't. I'd rather walk and get the exercise. But then people don't have that mindset anymore do they and a 45 minute walk is unspeakable to some

birdsdestiny · 11/03/2018 11:54

Discussion not over. I wouldn't use it but other people might if it was even remotely workable. I carry a lot of equipment for my job. I just could not do that on public transport.
The reality is you have to make public transport attractive to people, outside of cities it just isnt.

BarryTheKestrel · 11/03/2018 11:56

I don't drive for a multitude of reasons. Initially it was because I couldn't afford to learn. I planned to save up and learn in my mid twenties, when I was earning enough and before DC.
Then I was diagnosed with a low blood pressure issue which causes random and unstoppable faints, even from a sitting position meaning it would be dangerous for me to be being the wheel of a car.

My medical condition is expected to be under control with a new trial of medication in the next few years, however I now have DD and DC2 on the way and am working part time meaning the financial side of it is still practically impossible. Local companies are £30-40 an hour and I don't have that spare a week.
I will probably be 40 by the time I drive, if I can get my condition under control to do so.

worriedsouth · 11/03/2018 11:57

I'm old enough to remember my mum passing her test in 1970 and getting a car. It was considered unusual for women! I've despaired of the number of older women who are stranded or relying on poor/non-existent public transport when they are widowed. I learnt at17 and so did my dc.
My dh didn't learn until he was 31, and had to for his job. It just wasn't what his family did.
I understand why some people don't drive, and a lot depends on where you live as to how much you need to, but I do get irrationally annoyed with people who refuse to drive but expect to be ferried around everywhere.

emmyrose2000 · 11/03/2018 11:58

Keepingupwiththejonesys

The poster that said it takes 8 minutes by car but two hours by public transport firstly I really struggle to believe that...anyway, even if that is true then a taxi would surely take the same amount of time and the more obvious answer....if its 8 minutes by car it can't possibly be more than 30-45 minutes to walk, it really can't. I'd rather walk and get the exercise. But then people don't have that mindset anymore do they and a 45 minute walk is unspeakable to some

It is definitely way more than 45 minutes walk (and even if it was doable in 45 minutes, there is no way I am doing that in the middle of the night along a road without footpaths), and yes via public transport takes nearly two hours as there is nothing directly between our suburbs. How dare you insinuate that I am lying about that.

As for a taxi, I don't happen to have a taxi rank outside my home. Calling and waiting for one would add at least 20-30 minutes to the ride. And BTW, I do a one hour walk for exercise at least three times a week. Perhaps consider the mindset that not everyone lives in an area like yours.

worriedsouth · 11/03/2018 12:02

Also, I used the bus for the first time in years last week because of the snow. It was expensive (cost more to get to work and back than petrol and parking does), freezing cold and dirty. I was glad I don't have to do that every day. Similarly with trains. If you're alone, a journey may be worth it, but travelling as a group can often be prohibitively expensive. I would love to travel by train more, but when a trip to York (an hour on the train) for three is going to cost nearly £70, it just isn't economically viable.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 11/03/2018 14:28

You phone the taxi 20-30 minutes before you plan to go out then....that's what most people do. Really don't understand how an 8 minute drive can be more than 45 minutes walk

LimonViola · 11/03/2018 15:07

I just put a destination eight minutes away by car into my phone and maps estimated a 45 min walk. They've always been spot on.

And that's driving at 20-30mph. If someone is driving at faster speeds going down a part of a motorway or country lane it can take much longer to drive that distance. Plus some routes are suitable for cars and totally unsuitable for walking, meaning you have to go a longer way around.

It's easy for a ten minute drive to be 90 mins walk sometimes.

shortaris1 · 11/03/2018 17:57

I don't drive. I have tried to learn but I was rubbish at it. I live in the centre of a big city and everything's close by. I save thousands of pounds a year by not driving and never don't do anything I want to do. I just get a cab if something's further away, or the train. I've lived and worked all over the place so no worries about not being independent. It really gets my goat when people think that!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2018 23:24

"I just put a destination eight minutes away by car into my phone and maps estimated a 45 min walk. They've always been spot on."

Yes, but unless it's raining very hard, I don't have a problem with walking 45 minutes. I'm not disabled so it's fine for me.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2018 23:25

"t was expensive (cost more to get to work and back than petrol and parking does)"

Have you factored in buying the car, maintaining and insuring it, buying or renting a house with a parking space or making sure you live somewhere with parking?

JustGettingStarted · 13/03/2018 11:45

I'm happy to take public transport when it's more convenient. A bus into Manchester City centre goes past my house and I will usually opt for that. But to get to someplace like Stockport I would need to go into Manchester and then back out, as most routes operate like spokes on a wheel.

As for walking, I don't mind 20 minutes or so in decent weather. If its filthy weather I'd obviously prefer to stay dry in a car.

soulrider · 13/03/2018 18:48

We can tram, train or bus into the nearest city (8 miles away) fairly easily, pretty much impossible to get anywhere else by public transport without going into the city first and then out again.

OH used to work in a town nearby 7 miles away, takes about 15 minutes in the car but would take anywhere between 90 minutes and 2 hours depending on connections by public transport.

LimonViola · 13/03/2018 21:33

Yes, but unless it's raining very hard, I don't have a problem with walking 45 minutes. I'm not disabled so it's fine for me.

Fair enough. I wouldn't choose to walk for that long if I didn't have to but I'm sure I'd get on with it if I had no choice. I did it four times per week for the entirety of last year and found that even walking at a normal pace in the cold of winter I'd always be unpleasantly sweaty by my arrival (I'm slim so it's not being overweight and I'd be so warm I'd end up just walking in my t shirt in the snow even!) so I'd much rather not and then feel comfortable and clean all day.

Didn't mind as much on the way home.

My point anyway was that not everyone has the time to be able to turn a ten min drive into an almost hour long walk, I totally understand why people drive what others see as 'short distances' sometimes and it really annoys me hearing the snobbery judgment of non drivers who go on about 'omg can't believe some people will drive ten mins rather than walk', when they haven't a clue about that person's fitness level, health problems, time constraints (not you G!).

Spokes on a wheel is a great metaphor for what I've been struggling to easily describe!

Bolokov · 13/03/2018 21:55

Limon. Bet you wished you had never started this thread. You are not being unreasonable to not drive. It may not even be safe for you to do so, based on your initial post, so you are being responsible. It really does not matter what other people think and you do not owe them an explanation for making different choices to them

LimonViola · 13/03/2018 22:12

Huh? I think you're mistaken. I didn't start this thread

VanGoghsLeftEar · 13/03/2018 22:24

Forgive me, I haven't read the whole thread.

It is better for Britain that I don't drive. I have poor coordination and concentration. I perform badly during tests. I failed five tests aged 18, then moved to London and got other people to drive me such as minicabs, buses and tubes. My brother still lives in the country village we were brought up in and calls me a bus wanker á la Inbetweeners. I tell him he could very well cycle to his job instead of clogging up the air with toxins for the five minute journey each way. We are at an impasse. He doesn't get that I do not need a car. I plan to move to another city where again, bus travel is frequent if not so reasonably priced, so I still won't need a car. Db loves loves loves his car, avoids public transport, a car wanker.

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