AIBU to think not everyone drives and that's ok?

[Thingiebob]

I don't drive. I have tried and tried but I have some significant issues that mean I struggle with sensory overload and have brain freezes. I have had in excess of 100 hours of lessons and I am nowhere near test standard. Most people are unaware of my issues. They probably think I am a bit flaky and clumsy and not aware of much they impact my life. Even my own mother doesn't take them seriously.

AIBU to not want to disclose this info every time someone sneers at me for not driving or asks me relentless questions about my non-driving? What do I say?

YANBU.

every time someone sneers at me for not driving or asks me relentless questions about my non-driving

I'm at this. I don't drive either but I don't think anyone has ever sneered, or grilled me about why. I tend to get expressions of surprise/distaste/horror at the fact that I get public transport, which I find amusing and infuriating in about equal measure.

Learning to drive is a scary thing so I can understand how it could affect someone who has issues with anxiety. I don't have a problem with that. What annoys me is the fact that I am the only one in my group of friends who drives and so they somewhat think of me as a taxi driver. I had to work overtime in order to be able to pay for lessons and put a lot of effort into funding my way through and had to save up loads to buy a car and pay for insurance just to be their damn chauffeur! They have no medical reason, none of them have had so much as a lesson. And they never offer to pay for petrol!

So long as you don't expect other people to ferry you around I don't see how its anyone's business.

I don’t care if people drive or don’t drive as long as they don’t try to blag lifts from everyone else.

We live in a big town with pretty good public transport links but it would be a nightmare trying to do all of the things we do on a weekly basis (school (3 different), cubs, brownies, dancing, play dates, cinema, music lessons and exams, work, Doctor, dentist, optician, bowling, shopping, etc) if I didn’t drive. If we lived rurally, it would be impossible and the kids would suffer.

My sister in law lives in London and doesn’t drive-I don’t think it’s a problem there at all though.

OP. Have you looked at dyspraxia ?

Have you tried an automatic car?

My DD learned in an automatic and simplifying so she didn't need to coordinate the gears made all the difference. It freed up processing power for everything else.

What annoys me is the fact that I am the only one in my group of friends who drives and so they somewhat think of me as a taxi driver.

I would just refuse and say ‘let’s share a cab’.

It's completely fine for anyone not to drive. Until they expect everyone else to be driving them around.

I don't drive as I don't think I'd be safe to me, my family, or other peoples families on the road.
There are some narrow minded people who can't see past their nose, with little or no imagination.
I just say I don't drive due to medical reasons, it's dyspraxia actually but I don't tell everyone who asks as it's none of their business.

What's wrong with asking for a lift? If you don't want to give somebody a lift, you don't have to.
I usually have people asking if I want a lift though, and have never had anyone with the attitude of don't expect lifts, that isn't a very nice way to be in life.
I pity people who don't want to help others.

I don't drive and it's sod all to do with anyone else.

I can't drive because my first Husband was an abuser and I wasn't allowed to drive(he needed complete control)I was with him from the age of 16-25.I re married and my DH is lovely but I became seriously ill and disabled within 2 years of meeting him and because of a part of my disability I can't drive.

I know lots of women that don't drive and out of all of them only one is to ill to drive and it's never occured to me question why they don't drive.

What's wrong with asking for a lift? If you don't want to give somebody a lift, you don't have to.

In theory, but in RL, a one-off is fine but a regular thing gets really annoying.

I have non driving family members who seem to think they are entitled to lifts everywhere with no contribution which pisses me right off but apart from that I don't bat an eyelid about people who can't / don't drive.

I only learnt to drive last year at the grand old age of 33. I'd had a few aborted attempts before - I hated learning and found it ridiculously difficult. I made myself do it because I'd recently had my first child and wanted to take her further afield. I went through 5 instructors and went from manual to automatic, and passed 2nd time.

I have to say no-one ever, ever sneered at me for not driving. I know lots of people who don't. I beat myself up about it because I felt I should, but I was fortunate that no-one else pressured me. I completely agree that lots of people don't drive, and that's absolutely fine!

If you find even the idea of it tricky, but still fancy a go, I strongly advise automatic. It really is easier!

I don’t drive. I’ve had about 50 hours of lessons but I gave up because quite frankly I don’t enjoy it. I can event relax in the car, u feel anxious, I have no confidence and I’m terrified of causing an accident and hurting someone.

Because I can’t repay the favour I never expect people to ferry me around and I’m more than happy to take public transport or walk. It’s my choice. My partner drives and that works for us at the moment. When people ask why I don’t drive I just say because I don’t like it, and honestly I’m not very good at it

Having my DS (9.5 months) is making me re think though because I would love to be able to drive for him and to do more when he is older. I am hoping in the near future I will be able to go back to it, but deep down I’d probably be okay with never driving.

I think that there's something cultural going on, as well. I am from a country where everyone is expected to drive and the majority of people get their licence at 16. Because it's simply expected, people who don't are very rare. Obviously, there are people who have very legitimate reasons to not drive,due to physical disabilities. (But I have literally seen a woman born with no arms drive a car.) Driving in my home country is the first rite of passage into adulthood, and I would say that someone who cannot drive for any reason other than medical disability would be considered somehow not quite a proper adult.

I also notice that women in the UK are less likely to drive than men. I have looked at the statistics... In the US, the number of women with licences is also less than the number of men, but in the UK the difference is significantly greater.

I have seen posts on here over the years from womwn saying "oh, I can't drive. I get too nervous. I can't focus." For some reason, this exasperates me. I don't necessarily blame them, but I blame the culture that I suspect has contributed to the situation.

I also remember a discussion of whether it makes sense to pay for a teenager's driving lessons. Many posters said that, as their teen can't yet afford to pay for the car and insurance, they didn't see the point. Just let them do it themselves when they're older if they need to.

I think that's how some women end up not being able to drive. "Later" has a way of being postponed and then children come along and then, of course, everything is put on hold.

I think learning to drive is best done when you're young, because young people are generally less timid. They're accustomed to being taught, to making mistakes, and to being corrected. I think we lose that with age.

For this reason, I will absolutely insist on my children taking driving lessons as soon as they're old enough. I will pay for it. I will pay for them to be on my car insurance, so long as they behave maturely. I believe in doing that in the same way other parents might pay for private school fees.

Just why the insistence that driving is necessary?

I don't drive because I wouldn't pass the minimum eyesight standard and so give this as the reason should anyone ask. But if truth be told I had hundreds of lessons and failed five tests before my eyesight deteriorated and quite frankly I was no better at driving at the time of the fifth test than I was at the first and it was a relief once my eyesight deteriorated and I could stop trying.

I couldn't live my busy life if i didn't drive. I'd never fit it all in!

I don't care if people don't drive, as long as it has zero impact on me.

I can't recall the last time i ever used public transport though, maybe 18 years ago!

I don't drive. I was saving up for driving lessons but it turned into saving for a house deposit instead.

With hindsight I'd have been better off having the driving lessons!

It would be useful for me to drive, but only really when we're doing a long journey but as there is no way we could afford a second car and DH generally needs to drive to work while I can walk I doubt I'd have the chance to practice enough to feel confident on motorways etc.

JustGettingStarted not all parents can afford to fund children's driving lessons, mine couldn't. I had to fund myself when I was 22 and fresh out of university. It was hard work but no regrets - the job I have requires me to have a driving licence.

In my home country? Because for the majority of Americans, not being able to drive will make life difficult. Relatively few children are raised in cities where there's abundant public transport.

I learned to drive in semi rural Ohio and then spent my 20's in San Francisco. I didn't need a car for years. But having my licence sorted early meant that I could drive whenever I needed to. Sometimes I would rent a car for a weekend in Napa. Or rent a moving van to move house. Then, when I moved to a suburb I drove daily, again.

But, aside from the practical issues, driving in my culture is simply something important and, like I said, the first rite of passage into legal adulthood. It matters psychologically.

Here? For my children? Because the UK is becoming increasingly suburban. And because they are American citizens who may choose to move there and, as American adults, they will be expected to be able to drive.

I'm aware that not everyone can afford to pay for the lessons. But I am willing to do whatever I have to, in the same way that some parents are willing to pay a huge chunk for private school tuition. Obviously, I'm fortunate that I will probably be able to afford it. I'm not in the position of being able to afford private school!

I might ask if someone would mind dropping me at, for example, the railway station, if I know they're going that way anyway. I don't ask for lifts on a regular basis.

I sometimes have the opposite problem - declining offers of lifts I don't actually want, for a journey that's a 10-15 minute walk, for example.

I have a licence but haven't driven for nearly twenty years. It saves money and I cycle a lot. The public transport is good I have a choice if tram, train or bus. I don't justify myself to other people and as I'm not a burden on anyone expecting lifts nobody really cares.

OP are you being asked the questions because you need to ask others for lifts?

What is the taxi situation locally?

I've just posted on another thread about this - generally I think it's good to admit if you really can't drive, rather than be that bloody awful driver on the road! There are lot of them.