AIBU to think not everyone drives and that's ok?

[Thingiebob]

I don't drive. I have tried and tried but I have some significant issues that mean I struggle with sensory overload and have brain freezes. I have had in excess of 100 hours of lessons and I am nowhere near test standard. Most people are unaware of my issues. They probably think I am a bit flaky and clumsy and not aware of much they impact my life. Even my own mother doesn't take them seriously.

AIBU to not want to disclose this info every time someone sneers at me for not driving or asks me relentless questions about my non-driving? What do I say?

In this day and age if I met someone around my age or younger (I'm 30) who could have afforded to learn but didn't it'd definitely come across a bit like 'failure to launch' into adulthood. Developing your own independence to get yourself around is a basic part of the transition between childhood and adulthood. Driving is a necessary skill for many these days you simply can't do without.

I feel almost the exact opposite, LimonViola. I see too many young people who are absolutely helpless without access to a car, and who have no idea how to navigate in the world without one. I see being able to use public transport as an essential independence skill, and over-dependence on a car, even for young people who grow up in cities and towns with perfectly adequate public transport, a mark of having mummy and daddy having given them too many lifts when growing up.

Not everyone can afford lessons,tests,cars and then tax and insurance as well as maintaining a car.

For me, this instinctively feels like looking through the wrong end of the telescope. I think: without a car and being able to drive, there is no job. Without a job, there is no money. Without money, it's not just car you can't afford, you can't afford a place to stay, you can't afford to eat.

I know I'm wrong: my instincts are not valid for the UK, which has different geography and infrastructure, not to mention a social security system.

I once read somewhere that in the US their car is often the last thing people will sell when they fall on hard times. You give up your home before your car, and sleep in your car if necessary. Because without a car, you can't get work.

How is learning to drive launch an indication of being a fully functioning adult?

I'll have to tell my son, living abroad, working freelance and earning a fantastic salary that he's considered by certain sections of mn to be a non functioning adult.

Who knew.

Not sure how the word launch got in there.

Developing your own independence to get yourself around is a basic part of the transition between childhood and adulthood

And what does driving have to do with independence?

You just posted such a crock of shit.

I flew abroad to see family alone (well, as an UM) from 7, got myself to school, went everywhere alone, have travelled alone and rented as soon as I graduated - I would never dream of living at home. I don't drive and my parents never ferried me anywhere - precisely to build my independence! I get everyone on foot, bike, bus or train and my life is not impacted at all.

I would say there is an over-reliance on cars, and people with them can't even FATHOM how I live easily without one. People drive 10 minute journeys - I knew a lady who drove 3 miles into work then complained she was fat!

But apparently I haven't "launched into adulthood" by wanting to save my money instead of waste it on failing more driving tests....

Also, I don't know why people are citing the US as an example of an ideal society.

The country isn't designed for pedestrians and they're the most obese people on the planet.

I don't drive - so I chose to live in suburbia. Transport links are great, work is commutable by foot. On bus routes to town, supermarket, doctor's surgery, hospital, rail station and nearest city.

And because I don't own a car, on the VERY few occasions that the bus won't do I can easily afford taxis. whenever I need to.

I see being able to use public transport as an essential independence skill, and over-dependence on a car, even for young people who grow up in cities and towns with perfectly adequate public transport, a mark of having mummy and daddy having given them too many lifts when growing up.

Totally agree.

The UK is becoming increasingly suburban, concrete mess. Which means that in the future being able to drive won’t be so important as it used to be.

Every job I have had a driving license as a requirement.

If you don’t want to drive, that’s fine it shouldn’t be a problem as long as you can take care of your own transportation needs.

I never said that the US is the right way or the model for how things should be. I just said that it's part of my culture. As someone else said above, when falling on hard times, people will become homeless and live in their cars. It's just a different culture. However, it has informed my beliefs about adulthood and independence.

And, since the UK is changing topographically, and my children may want to live in the USA, I feel like I need to provide them with that skill earlier than later.

In the US, like in the UK, you can drive with a learner's permit so long as there is a licenced driver with you. Most of my practice time was not spent with a paid instructor... As soon as I was able to operate the controls, my parents let me drive when we went out as a family. I don't think I had even ten hours of paid instruction (and I did learn on a manual transmission). So I don't think it needs to be thousands of pounds to get them to being ready for the test. I would expect a few lessons to teach them how to operate the car and then I'd encourage them to do as much driving to the shops or whatever as possible with either me or their father chaperoning. Then, when they seem at ease behind the wheel, a few more lessons with a local instructor who knows the main test routes to prep them for the test.

Weirdly enough, even as someone who has driven since 16, I am perfectly able to navigate public transportation. Its certainly not either/or.

My parents had a nice car and didn't want me to crash it learning. So paying was the only way. Just as well, because in pretty much every lesson my instructor had to use the emergency brakes...

I don't get why other people have so much to say about how other people live their life, when it doesn't affect them. In fact, me not driving benefits everyone - less smog, emptier roads, plus your kids are all still alive!

It's really not generally 'either/or' re driving versus public transport in my experience. My friendship group and I were all getting around via bus and train on our own from around 12 onwards, whereas driving didn't start until 17. So that was a good five years of navigating around using public transport before starting lessons and continuing to do so until passing (which was two years for me)!

I actually think it's more crucial to be able to get yourself around via car as you are relying solely on yourself as opposed to somebody else (there may not be any cabs available, trains may be on strike, buses were unmitigated shite back when I used them all the time).

I hate driving. I don't feel confident behind the wheel but I persevered and eventually passed my test after six attempts I'm lucky in that I've never really needed to drive after passing my test, as I lived either in cities with a good transport network or have lived within walking distance of work. I only stuck at it because I think it's a good skill to have. Cars are also expensive to run and I don't want to waste money on that when I don't need a car.

Some people just don't like driving and I think people should accept that.

I don't drive. I live in a city. Why should I drive?

But unless you live in Brighton, trains are hardly ever on strike. Never happened where I've lived. There's just never been any reason for me to drive. Work is 5 mins walk, London is 25 mins on train, next good shopping town 5 mins train, parents and uni was easier by train. Supermarket 5 mins away or online, hospital 10 mins bus. Literally never had a need. And any need has never been enough to justify spending £££ on car costs. Not having the extortionate driving expenses means I can rent and save over half my 30k salary.

But I've literally had people (and a taxi driver) have a go at me telling me I NEED to. I really don't. I don't go around telling people things I think they need to do.....sigh.

I can’t drive. I did have lessons and a test but failed on small points.

I tell people that I am not allowed to drive.
And leave it at that.
I now have a sleep disorder and can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. It would not be a good idea for me to sit in traffic in a nice warm cosy car lol.
I don’t tell people I have a medical reason for not driving unless they really push as I don’t think it’s any of their business.

You just need more practice.

It took me more lessons than that to feel confident enough to pass my test.

Now I’ve been driving for 20 years and do 10-15k miles a year.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up because it took me more lessons to learn.

I always picture the people who needle others about not driving as also the same ones who complain about all the bad drivers on the roads.

I am dyspraxic plus lack peripheral vision in one eye and am very anxious in general. I don't drive because everyone is safer without me on the road and I never ask for lifts.

And yes, I am defensive given that several posters have said they think less of non drivers. Do you all really want people who aren't good at driving or who are worried about it on the roads?

I'm in my late twenties and don't have my licence. I've had a lot of lessons but driving exacerbates my anxiety (I sweated through every lesson) and even though I know in theory I can do it, I freeze and don't feel capable.

When I move back to the UK I'm going to try again in an automatic but quite honestly, the whole thing fills me with dread. I probably won't ever live anywhere without good transport links because of DH's job but I know it's important to try and get my license, as we're planning to ttc in the next year or so. I'd never judge anyone who didn't feel safe on the road and decided it wasn't for them, though.

I don’t drive. I wa involved in three crashes(!) during lessons when I was 17 and it really put me off (none were my fault by the way but I just couldn’t do it anymore - my nerves and confidence with it were shattered). When I tell people I don’t drive and they are dismissive or disbelieving of it I just say “I’m too stupid to drive it seems” and then they get embarrassed and change the subject. It’s pernickity and I’m annoyed that I rise to it but at least the conversation is shut down before I feel even worse about myself.

I've always lived in a big city and so could manage without driving. Even so I definitely felt judged by family and friends for not driving. Now I've moved to a smallish town and have to attend quite a few meetings for work and it's suddenly become a big issue. I'm always trying to manage it myself and will take public transport but everyone at work constantly comments on it. Even though they're very nice and always offer lifts (I try not to accept as a rule and get everywhere on my own) I do feel self-conscious about it.

I also know that when you don't drive your choices always have to take that account, whether it be where you live or the job you do or even something as simple as which gym to join up with. Every activity has to be accessible via public transport and taxis are not always available or trustworthy. I do my best without driving but I know my life would be much easier with it. All the same, it's no one's place to judge, because there are so many reasons why someone doesn't or can't drive.

I drive, but only because my circumstances necessitate it due being on call overnight or urgent work trips. I don't like to. I had a minor accident a few months back which shattered my confidence and driving now makes me nervous.

I hate the judgement from some people about those who don't drive. Its ridiculous. As long as you don't expect friends or family to be your own personal taxi service, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.