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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell friend/bride her choice in shoes is terrible

255 replies

TheWonderfulCat · 08/03/2018 04:00

So my friend is getting married in 6 months and has just told us bridesmaids (im the MOH) that she wants us to wear converse shoes with our lovely dresses.

The shoes will look terrible with the dresses and Im dreading wearing them.

Should I say anything? And if so, what?
Or should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
PremierNaps · 08/03/2018 04:02

I think you have to suck it up. End of the day it's her wedding not yours. It would be disrespectful to say anything about it.

BoamFananas · 08/03/2018 04:02

If she's paying and that's what she wants then I'd not say anything.

Though to be fair it all depends on the relationship you have with her and if shes open to others opinions.

BoamFananas · 08/03/2018 04:03

If she's paying and that's what she wants then I'd not say anything.

Though to be fair it all depends on the relationship you have with her and if shes open to others opinions.

DinoToes · 08/03/2018 04:03

I (and DH) wore custom converse for our wedding. They were brilliant Grin Sorry, probably not the response you were looking for.

beardedlobster · 08/03/2018 04:07

I wore converse under my wedding dress! It was a long dress so no one could really see them but I just wanted to be comfortable. I put really pretty ribbon laces in them to make them more ‘bridal’.
I’ve known a lot of bridesmaids and brides wear them! At the end of the day it’s the brides choice!

TwoShades1 · 08/03/2018 04:08

I think it’s completely appropriate if it fits in with their overall tone/type of wedding and the people they are. On the plus side, no spending hours in uncomfortable heels!

Callamia · 08/03/2018 04:09

Oh wow, bridesmaid shoes you can actually wear more than once! You can walk, run and dance in then, they won’t make your feet ache, and I’m hoping you get an excellent colour. I’m kind of envious tbh.

SallyVating · 08/03/2018 04:12

At least you'll be comfy. Better than stiletto mules or some blister inducing ridiculousness

Bobbiepin · 08/03/2018 04:27

I wanted wedding converse and bridesmaid talked me out of it. Had endless shoe problems & wish I'd ignored her.

Original poster
TheWonderfulCat · 08/03/2018 04:37

I find converse terribly uncomfortable, my feet are weird and theres just not enough arch support Grin

We have to pay for our own shoes and theu have to be white. I guess ill just suck it up and maybe ask her if she mind if i wear something else after the ceremony

OP posts:
WilyMinx · 08/03/2018 04:53

I hate Converse as well. They look alright but are horribly uncomfortable. I have short, wide feet, and they tend to be quite narrow. Still, it's only for one day, so I would just grin and bear it. I think you could ask her if you can wear different shoes but to leave it if she is insistent.

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/03/2018 05:00

Oh God, I'd hate that!

ChangingStates · 08/03/2018 05:03

It would be a very happy bridesmaid,

Oldbrook · 08/03/2018 05:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeerieBreeks · 08/03/2018 05:08

You can buy orthotics very cheaply from amazon that will give you the arch support you are looking for.

Personally I like the look of converse for the bride and bridesmaids.

annandale · 08/03/2018 05:14

I can't wear converse at all as they are sheer agony on wide lumpy feet. Find a version that looks similar that you can wear (leather would be much easier) and explain the problem. The look is her choice, I think you have to go with that.

buttfacedmiscreant · 08/03/2018 05:23

with you, I have wide feet and they don't fit at all.

noenergy · 08/03/2018 05:27

If you are close to her have a word with her and tell her they won't fit u properly.

Especially since u r paying for them.

FrancisCrawford · 08/03/2018 05:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BedtimeTea · 08/03/2018 05:39

Does she know they cause you pain? You should let her know. I can not wear any flat shoe and would have to gracefully bow out if she insisted on the converse. Can you wear Nike? Or another brand?

Corblimeyguv · 08/03/2018 05:52

When I clicked on this thread I thought it would talk about the bride choosing bridal shoes which were slightly the wrong colour or an unflattering look- still definitely fairly standard bridal shoes but just not a great choice style wise.

What you describe is different, this is a very clear style choice by the bride which is simply not to your taste or comfort. As it’s such a statement by the bride then I don’t see how you can get away with alternative footwear for the ceremony and photos. Hopefully she will be fine with you changing for the rest of the day though?

So yes, I think you are right that you will have to smile and nod on this one OP. It’s her choice.

babypossum · 08/03/2018 05:52

I also find Converse much too narrow for wide fit. I like the look of them though and find the Kurt Keiger ones suit my feet better so have several pairs. I can only wear them with my orthotics though as like you, they offer no support otherwise. Take a look at those ones to see if anything is suitable; other than the converse star, I don't think they look much different.

GoBigOrange · 08/03/2018 05:53

Converse are the most evil shoes ever. They look comfortable, but leave my feet in burning agony in no time at all. I would honestly rather wear six inch heels than converse - I'd be in less pain.

I wouldn't bring it up from a 'they will look stupid with our pretty dresses' view point, as presumably that is the look she is going for and likes. But I would be asking her if less painful alternatives would be acceptable.

ZoeWashburne · 08/03/2018 05:54

I think she is being a cheeky cow for saying you HAVE to buy certain shoes. If she isn’t paying for them she can’t dictate how you spend your money. Is the dress long or short?

For £1000 I couldn’t tell you what shoes the bridesmaids were wearing at the last wedding I was at a few weeks ago. The only time I remember the shoes was when the bride bought nude heels the wrong size for a friend of mine who was a BM (2 sizes too big!). Bride wouldn’t let my friend wear her own nude heels as it would stand out (eye roll). We stuffed them with tissue to make them work but she walked town the aisle like a scuba diver wearing flippers because she was going to walk out of them. THAT stood out more than any mismatched shoes. Put it this way- if guests are staring at BM’s shoes, the wedding is not going well!

I’d just say ‘sorry friend, I don’t have the budget to spend on shoes that I will only wear once. Converse really hurt my feet. I have nude flats, silver strappy heels, or white smart sandals that could work. Which would you prefer?’

CheeseGirl4 · 08/03/2018 06:03

I was MOH for a friend a few years ago and had THE ugliest shoes in the history of time. They were hideous, beige round toed Mary Janes with a faux-wood very chunky high heel. Dramatic maybe, but I nearly cried when she presented me with them. I gritted my teeth, wore them, made sure a toe didn't peep out from under my dress at any time. I even refused when someone asked to see my shoes! I changed them immediately post-meal.