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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and baby AIBU

234 replies

schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 20:56

Hello everyone! Need a bit of advice, not sure if IABU so want to check what other people think before I potentionally put a complaint in at school. Have name changed.

So DC is in reception, quite a sensitive child. They are putting a show on for the reception parents in under two weeks and have only informed us today that younger siblings can not attend. I have a newborn and have informed the school that especially at this short notice there is nothing I can do, DH can't get more time off of work after just being off with the baby when they were first born especially with only under two weeks notice. My DC will be absolutely devastated if I'm the only parent missing, everyone else's parents are coming and I literally don't know what to do. The office have said they will check with the music teacher as that is who it's upto and who decided no younger children can attend but I have a huge feeling it will be a no. I've said the baby can come in a sling so theres no bulky pram and I've told them its actually nap time so the baby will be asleep anyway and that if they wake i will take them out straight away. What are people's thoughts? Thanks

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 16:40

Brilliant :) sense prevails

LoniceraJaponica · 08/03/2018 16:41

That's a great update.

AlexanderHamilton · 08/03/2018 16:47

I used to run a children’s drama/singing group.

The 14 year old disabled, non verbal older brother of our 6 year old student was probably far more disruptive than any babies/toddlers (he used to make enjoyment noises at the music) but never in a million years would I have banned him or any other sibling young or old from a performance.

Lizzie48 · 08/03/2018 17:24

That's a lovely update, @schoolproblem12341 you sound like someone who knows when to take your baby out. And even if you have to miss some of the show, your 5 year old will know that you were there to watch.

Hope it goes really well. Thanks

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 08/03/2018 18:00

Lizzie48 this exactly.

OP posts:
Cousinit · 08/03/2018 18:52

That's great to hear. I'm happy that your DC will get to see you there. Hope the show goes well Smile

MissWimpyDimple · 08/03/2018 19:58

I'm glad you get to take your baby because you sound totally sane and reasonable and will take the baby out if it cries.

Most people are but there is ALWAYS at least one who let their little darlings run riot. Climbing on the stage or talking all the way through. One of the worst ones was when a toddler was handed a phone with a peppa pig episode on WITH THE SOUND UP!!!!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 20:01

Nice update OP.

Lizzie48 · 08/03/2018 20:06

Oh dear, @MissWimpyDimple I've never experienced anything like that at my DDs' school. We must have just been lucky at my DDs' school. Smile

MissDuke · 08/03/2018 20:11

Great result op

Italiangreyhound · 08/03/2018 20:42

@schoolproblem12341 yay, common sense prevails. Glad to hear it.

Snowmagedon · 08/03/2018 20:51

New born totally different.

Problem is most mums are conscientious and would be take crying, disruptive child out, the you have the ones who let a children's drag a chair across the the floor! It's hard.

Coyoacan · 08/03/2018 22:48

Great news, OP

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 09/03/2018 03:05

Thank you!!

OP posts:
Cousinit · 09/03/2018 03:22

Wow, I'm also feeling very fortunate that we don't have any parents like that at our school MissWimpyDimple!

givemesteel · 09/03/2018 06:54

Do you have any friends or family members who could come with you and wait outside with the baby whilst you go in?

I agree not to just turn up but chase the music teacher and be quite determined - I would probably play the exclusively breastfed card (so can't be left with anyone else) as breastfeeding is a bit of a political hot potato.

I can see why they have this rule. Unfortunately these days a lot of people are quite lax on the impact their children's noise has on other people, most of the time no attempt seems to be made to quieten a toddler and people don't take their baby outside when it starts crying (even though they say they will) because they don't want to miss their child's but etc.

I suspect the music teacher has tried to put on a production in what feels like a crèche in the past and thought never again. For this reason if they do make an exception you really do have to take your baby out the minute they start making a noise, not just full on wailing.

givemesteel · 09/03/2018 06:57

Ignore the above I see OP is allowed to go.

Enjoy the performance!

backsackcraic · 09/03/2018 07:10

Let your DC have the day off, school are being ridiculous!

Sparklyglitter · 09/03/2018 17:35

Just turn up! What will they do turn you away and discriminate against you? In my experience Loads of parents ignore the heads requests to come to the rehearsal with siblings, so that at least one performance can be heard! I would however say make sure you go outside the hall if baby becomes unsettled. Don’t stress (easier said than done) and just turn up! Smile xxx

Theluckynumberthree · 09/03/2018 17:51

I would do one of two- take my baby! You can’t be expected to leave a newborn with someone to look after! What if you are breastfeeding. The second option is say your dc cannot attend then as would be awful without someone there for him. Tbh I would put my foot down and take the newborn. Our school has never not allowed younger siblings- school should embrace family attendance and I think it’s fab for them to show younger siblings what they can do. Also good for siblings to see a school environment...

lakeshoreliving · 09/03/2018 17:52

Great update OP, enjoy the show.

Theluckynumberthree · 09/03/2018 17:52

Sorry just read your update- fantastic.

Charolais · 09/03/2018 17:55

I took baby to events and stood near the door to bolt out if he cried.

MaggieS41 · 09/03/2018 17:55

Some of these comments are pathetic. And probably coming from the uptight and controlling Hmm We don’t live in a children should be seen and not heard world anymore! Yes, some parents can be slack with diffusing a potential disrupting situation but that doesn’t mean ALL parents should ‘suffer’. Agree totally with antigrinch.
All rules can’t be bent - there’s always exceptions to them - in all avenues of life, yet some of you are saying ‘their rules, blah, blah, blah....’ and it’s a bloody primary school FFS.
It’s a newborn. It’s stressful enough having a newborn and probably feeling guilty not being there for the other child going through reception.
OP, I’d tell your child that you’ll go but it’s possible you may not be able to stay and if that’s the case ask her if she wants to leave with you and do something together for the day!!

ittakes2 · 09/03/2018 18:21

I think its a bit off they have asked this - they would have been better just to say if your small child makes a noise would it be OK if you exit. To be honest though, its a school, full of children - I don't think people usually mind people having children with them anyway. And as one poster said, I have never seen or heard a small child ruin a school performance.
I think if you have the confidence I would take the baby in a sling and sit next to a door. The worst that could happen is they could ask you to leave and you could apologise and say you didn't think they meant newborn babies....
That said, I'm a sahm and I have been to almost every performance by my children for years - I can pretty much guarantee you will not be the only parent missing. Its not possible for everyone to get time off work to see these sort of things.