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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

420 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 20:01

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 08/03/2018 10:12

If you have the nerve, disparage her in your interview..."I worked with someone who struggled to do her work and I often had to help her out. Thankfully 'Jane' left the company in last April"

For the love of god, don’t do this!

WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 10:43

I'm not replying to her message and I definitely won't say anything about her in the interview.

I'm a bit gutted actually.

OP posts:
YellowFlower201 · 08/03/2018 10:51

I'm sorry OP. That's really not a nice message. Don't respond and don't engage going forward. All the best for the interview! HOpe you get the job. let us know!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/03/2018 10:58

I would message back - "Ooooh - if you are leaving your current job, maybe I could email your employer and ask for an interview for your post!" - because I bet she hasn't told her current employer she is job-hunting!

If I am honest, I probably wouldn't do this - but I would fantasise about doing it, and putting the wind up her.

I might message back saying, "I thought we were friends, clearly I was mistaken."

PoorYorick · 08/03/2018 11:20

If you've nothing to say, OP, and it sounds as though you haven't, I'd just leave it. I don't think you'll get as much satisfaction from a text spat as some people on here think.

I'm sorry she isn't the person you thought she was. Still. there are worse ways to find out.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/03/2018 12:40

"I don't think you'll get as much satisfaction from a text spat as some people on here think."

I think you are right, @PoorYorick - but there is a bit of satisfaction to be had from imagining what you could say, how perfect your words would be, and how they'd have exactly the effect you wanted. All without actually having to have the text spat!

scotchpie · 08/03/2018 12:41

Oh she can just go and fuck off, angry on your behalf OP.
Agree with others she really is no friend, have you decided if you will continue with the friendship being stabbed in the back?

Elend · 08/03/2018 12:46

That's a real shitty move. I wouldn't bother with her again tbh. Take all your anger and disappointment and channel it into doing killer interview prep - getting the job over her would be sweet sweet revenge

hellsbellsmelons · 08/03/2018 12:48

Jeez - what a bitch she is.
I'd be blocking her on everything.
She is no friend of yours and clearly doesn't give a shiny shite about you or your feelings.

amusedbush · 08/03/2018 12:48

She's a snake and she has shown you her bottom line. She likes you enough to go on holiday together but not enough that she wouldn't screw you out of an opportunity you need. Fucking selfish cow.

OutyMcOutface · 08/03/2018 13:26

Unfair isn’t the word. It’s perfectly fair. There is a jpbboth of ypu want and both of you have applied for it. The word you are looking for may be something along the lines of unfriendly or disloyal.

QueenofallIsee · 08/03/2018 13:37

Sorry OP, its gutting when you consider someone a friend and then something like this happens. She is a thundercunt and you deserve better than her

QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares · 08/03/2018 13:45

I think i may be disagreeing with people here...

YABU She has every right to apply for the job. I am often competing against friends.

But yes she could have told you about it, and been a lot more tactful about it.

StormTreader · 08/03/2018 13:52

This is one of those "Its the letter of the law but not the spirit of the law" situations.
Yes, she didnt have to tell you she was applying and was totally free to apply BUT you dont do that to a friend, especially one you know badly needs that job.

teaiseverything · 08/03/2018 13:53

Shady. I had a friend do this to me. Very long story but the job would have been a life changer for me. She was full of, "You'll definitely get it, nobody has a chance against you," and then she rocked up in the waiting room for interviewees on the day and said she thought she'd, "Give it a go." I stayed friends with her for a couple of years until she did indeed confirm that she was a sneaky sod and we are friends no more.

PuppyMonkey · 08/03/2018 13:55

I take it your trip away with her in May is now off? Confused

Would be interesting to see if she mentions that.

SeamusMacDubh · 08/03/2018 14:00

This woman that you thought was a friend didn't think of you the way you thought of her. She's probably someone that sees people as disposable and that serve a purpose to her, too self centred to form lasting relationships. It's sad.

I hope you have a cracking interview tomorrow, OP. Good luck!

Make sure you come back and let us know how it goes. I'm not over invested I swear.

Mix56 · 08/03/2018 14:14

Yes, as per a former poster, indeed, why not apply for her job as well ?

WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 16:14

To be clear, I would have no problem at all with us both applying for the same job if it had been advertised and we'd both seen it etc., that's the way it goes sometimes. It's the fact that she contacted them after I told her that my other friend had told me there was a post going and that I really wanted it, not just because of my redundancy, but because I'd love to work for the company. That just feels so underhand.

I'm so nervous about the interview now, I really don't want to blow it.

OP posts:
MavisPike · 08/03/2018 16:29

I'd be very hurt too .She knows she is in the wrong for not telling you

I wonder what she'll say if they ask her how she knew about the job

TenancyTroublesAgain · 08/03/2018 16:32

Obviously OP doesn't own the right to be the only one applying for the job! But it's still unfair of the "friend".

annielouise · 08/03/2018 16:33

Really sneaky. Not a friend. Put your best effort into getting this job. Don't talk to her again either way.

Alienspaceship · 08/03/2018 16:38

Op, you make sure you bloody well get that job! We’re all rooting for you Smile

HeyRoly · 08/03/2018 16:41

That's unbelievably sly of her. I'm not surprised you're gutted. Still, life is too short for shit friends, so she's done you a favour by showing how she really feels about you.

Hope the interview goes really well.

WhoWants2Know · 08/03/2018 16:42

Maybe it's just in my sector, but there's always been an unspoken rule that friends don't compete for roles. We actively share adverts if someone is looking for work and check to make sure no one else is going for the same thing.