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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

420 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 20:01

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 16:44

Interview is at 9.30am so at least I don't have all day to worry about it. I don't even know if she's being interviewed, or how many others may be going for it.

I'll let you know how it goes!

OP posts:
Foslady · 08/03/2018 16:47

She may well have shot herself in the foot, if your friend who works there was told to mention to you and then suddenly frenemy applies out of the blue, could appear pushy and without concern for others, not always the traits looked for

FrogsSpawnofSanta · 08/03/2018 16:58

Good luck, I hope you get it Smile

amusedbush · 08/03/2018 17:02

We actively share adverts if someone is looking for work and check to make sure no one else is going for the same thing.

Same here. My friend and I always have one eye on interesting roles in the sector and send on adverts that they other would be interested in. If there is any overlap (same sector, slightly different specialisms) we always ask if the other is going for it before putting in an application.

blastomama · 08/03/2018 17:17

No, shes not being at all unfair. Either you will get the job or you won't. It's nothing to do with her, same as her applying for the job is nothing to do with you.

Some of these answers are insane though. People actually think like this....if you have the nerve, disparage her in your interview..."I worked with someone who struggled to do her work and I often had to help her out. Thankfully 'Jane' left the company in last April...?

some of you are awful people

RochelleGoyle · 08/03/2018 17:27

Her behaviour is sly and she knows it.

HeyRoly · 08/03/2018 17:29

Oh, give over blastomama. This friend never hinted that she was unhappy in her job, and the job the OP's going for wasn't advertised. She only knew about it because the OP mentioned it. And you still say there wasn't anything underhand in what she did?

NoFucksImAQueen · 08/03/2018 17:31

God her reply was uncalled for, what.a.bitch. I so hope you get the job!

TITANIUMPINS · 08/03/2018 17:34

technically of course anyone can apply for that job. However as a decent friend you would not 'compete' against your newly made redundant pal without at least having the courtesy to talk it through first. I think it is underhand but perhaps not worth falling out over (unless she got the job that would be tough) some people feel that its every man for themselves and that you cannot change.

TITANIUMPINS · 08/03/2018 17:37

Read through your other updates. She is on attack mode as she knows it was pretty sly thing to do. Fair enough if it had been advertised and you both were going for it but thats not the case. GOOD LUCK i hope you get it !!

TheFishInThePot · 08/03/2018 17:42

Good luck for the interview OP.
Even without the cuntish message about your redundancy being your problem, I would still have struggled to see her in the same light again after she applied and didn't tell you.

blastomama · 08/03/2018 17:43

Oh, give over blastomama. This friend never hinted that she was unhappy in her job, and the job the OP's going for wasn't advertised. She only knew about it because the OP mentioned it. And you still say there wasn't anything underhand in what she did?

Of course I am. You don't have to tell all your friends your personal business. Give over yourself.

sunshinesupermum · 08/03/2018 17:44

Wishing you the very best of luck with your interview wilbur Flowers

Trialsmum · 08/03/2018 17:52

It’s cheeky since she only heard about the job from you. 4 years ago my sister found, went for and got my perfect job. As I only heard about it from her, I didn’t go up against her and I’ve been waiting ever since for it to come up again. I finally started on Monday 😃 but I’d never have gone against her for it.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 08/03/2018 17:54

She's a dick. She's been called on it and is now responding by upping the dickishness. I know it hurts - I'd be gutted - but best you know now. Bin and move on. She chose this over you and she will be the one to regret it.

Oh. And fucking nail that interview and get the job OP.

elessar · 08/03/2018 17:54

What was your message to her?

I'm just wondering as she seems to have flown off the handle a bit if you just asked if she applied to the job. Or did you maybe say something about how you thought it was underhand and unfair given your position?

It doesn't really matter but would contextualise whether she's been totally out of line in her response or if it's a defence to a perceived attack.

Either way, it is underhand of her, more so the fact she didn't talk to you about it when you mentioned it to her. She should have had the guts to be honest at the very least.

CoffeenoTea · 08/03/2018 17:55

i would email her company, say you had been advised a job post would soon be opening, could you registrar interest? then give job tittle?

MrsJasonIsbell · 08/03/2018 18:20

This happened to me and he got it and hates it, it sounds awful!

WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 18:56

@blastomama, I won't and never would do anything like that.

I'm a very loyal and, more to the point, honest friend and would never in a million years do this to a friend. Applying for the same advertised job - absolutely fine. Contacting the company in the way she did because I told her about a job I was excited about being interviewed for? I don't think friends do that. We must be very different kinds of friends.

OP posts:
bonnyshide · 08/03/2018 19:04

She's a snake and not your friend.

Motoko · 08/03/2018 19:29

She wouldn't have even known about the job if OP hadn't told her.

OP, I bet you're kicking yourself for telling her now, but you couldn't have known she would turn out to be such a bitch.

I really, really hope you get the job, and that karma kicks her arse. Good luck at the interview.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/03/2018 19:36

REALLY good luck Wilbur, will keep my fingers crossed for you.

altiara · 08/03/2018 19:55

Good luck OP!!

MsJolly · 08/03/2018 22:39

Flowersgood luck

Coyoacan · 08/03/2018 22:51

Good luck, OP.