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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

420 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 20:01

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
Inertia · 09/03/2018 22:06

Congratulations!

I wonder whether friend will contact you ...

Ikanon · 09/03/2018 22:08

Huge congratulations! Karma wins.

Prussiablue · 09/03/2018 22:44

My gosh just read all this......WELL DONE, ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. CONGRATULATIONS.

snewsname · 09/03/2018 23:39

Yay, you can stick a metaphorical two fingers up at your so called friend. It's such a pity she put herself before true friendship.

NoSquirrels · 10/03/2018 07:20

Well done Wilbur! What a result - great they’ll help with start date too so you can relax. Bet you’ll have a wonderful weekend!

Certcert · 10/03/2018 07:24

If your friend wasn't there, maybe she didn't actually apply at all? The person who told you could be wrong / stirring, or friend decided against it? Maybe she is your friend

Or maybe she applied, didn't get to interview stage; hence, snippy reply to OP.

no room- left on over-invested bench

AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 10/03/2018 07:30

Or maybe she applied, didn't get to interview stage; hence, snippy reply to OP.

Or maybe she applied, didn't hear anything, and is still waiting to be called to interview. Wouldn't that be fabulous? Grin

LexieLulu · 10/03/2018 07:37

That is so amazing! Job security and a redundancy pay packet! Chuffed for you xxx

MyBoysAndI · 10/03/2018 07:45

Really pleased for you OP

SenoritaViva · 10/03/2018 08:05

Perhaps she didn't get to interview stage as she was considered a job hopper. Not entirely sure when she left working with OP so could be wrong.

Congratulations! Wine

IslaMann · 10/03/2018 08:26

Congrats OP

Certcert · 10/03/2018 08:50

Or maybe she applied, didn't hear anything, and is still waiting to be called to interview. Wouldn't that be fabulous? Grin

Karma would be working overtime! Grin

Certcert · 10/03/2018 08:57

I just don't understand 'friends' like this. Some of us have had dealings with them; the type that want you to be happy but not too happy...to do well but not too well. The type that see something you really need so decide that they want it.

Making this all about me now, OP Grin. But I remember when I passed my driving test, some years ago, 'friend' didn't speak to me for weeks; even though she'd been driving for years! 🤔

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 10/03/2018 09:07

You need the job and you told her about it, her behaviour is underhanded and odd. I would feel I could trust them after that.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 10/03/2018 09:07

*couldn’t

browneyes77 · 10/03/2018 09:15

Fantastic news! I sat here reading through the thread with my fingers tightly crossed that you’d get the job!

I absolutely would feel how you do in your situation. Yes she’s entitled to apply for any job she wants to, but the way she did it was underhand and sly.

I’m just wondering if the only reason she told you her new job was going great is because you still worked at the old company and she didn’t want anyone there to get wind of the fact she was unhappy.

Her response to your text message was rude and quite callous, I think that response from her is very telling about her attitude towards your friendship.

MsJolly · 10/03/2018 09:18

I would be so tempted to text her your wonderful news! And then ghost her out of your life! Well done.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 10/03/2018 09:25

I wouldn’t tell her anything. You now know exactly where you stand with her. She’s told you that her work plans are none of your business, so clearly, yours are none of hers.

Congratulations Flowers

Lovelittlethings · 10/03/2018 09:27

Congratulations! 🍾 Karma wins!

CoraPirbright · 10/03/2018 09:38

Still chuffed to bits for you this morning! I wouldnt tell the ex-friend.....would be far classier to let the mutual friend know and let nature take its course Grin

Hygge · 10/03/2018 10:11

Well done OP.

I would let the friendship go now. You know you can't tell her anything because she's prepared to use whatever you say to her own advantage, and her attitude when you tried to speak to her about it was awful.

She's untrustworthy and defensive and she doesn't sound like she's worth the effort. She might also be resentful now you have the job, so don't let her spoil things for you.

Custardo · 10/03/2018 10:20

love a bit of Karma - nce one OP well done

Mix56 · 10/03/2018 10:51

I would wait for written confirmation before saying anything to anyone.
The problem started with confiding to her.
Don't make the same mistake twice

Kaybush · 10/03/2018 11:01

Wow - we'll done OP!!

I agree though with the PP: DON'T TELL ANYONE UNTIL YOU HAVE WRITTEN CONFIRMATION!!

I've heard of things going awry in the days between verbal and official offer, but you should be fine and I'm really pleased for you.

She's no friend btw!

chattykathyblue100 · 10/03/2018 11:02

Definitely Karma. Well done you! I was going to say ditch the friend but it will be brill to stay in touch just so you can tell her how fantastic your new job is!