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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

420 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 20:01

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 07/03/2018 22:28

That is bad, even more so because the job wasn't advertised and you were the one that told her about it!
Not to mention the fact she knows you are losing your job...she is no friend.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 07/03/2018 22:35

Why don't you send a CV to her company saying that you've heard on the grapevine that X's job will soon be free and wonder whether you can apply? (Don't say her name, but give the job title.)

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 22:38

Still no reply. She's one of these people who replies as soon as she sees a message so something's not right about that. I'm wondering if mutual friend told her that I know.

OP posts:
Fugitivefrombrusstice · 07/03/2018 22:40

I think it would have been decent of her to tell you.

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 22:49

She should have said she was applying for it as well, the fact that she didn't says a lot about her especially if she didn't know about the job until you brought it up.

If she had already known of it ahead of time then maybe she felt awkward about it but still not to say anything is a bit dishonest.

Coyoacan · 07/03/2018 22:57

I do think that her behaviour is highly unethical. Sorry OP

Pipsqueak11 · 07/03/2018 23:00

yuk -really bad form IMHO.

headintheproverbial · 07/03/2018 23:08

I'm with you OP. She's been underhand.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/03/2018 23:16

It wouldnt bother me personally

MsJolly · 07/03/2018 23:18

Think you have your answer there-she knows that she's in the wrong but doesn't care enough about you or your friendship to either be honest or do the right thing.
And now she will be your ex-friend
💐

chocatoo · 07/03/2018 23:33

I wouldn't do it but I've had something similar done to me twice. The first time I was pretty upset as she got the job. The second time was just embarrassing really. Neither of us got that job.

PinataDonk · 07/03/2018 23:49

YANBU she shouldn't be applying for it. She's got a job and you're about to be in dire straits. She hadn't told you because she knows she's in the wrong. I'm afraid this makes it clear she doesn't value your friendship much.

NoKnownFather · 07/03/2018 23:53

She's not a true friend OP. Good luck with the interview, hope you get the job. I've been down the redundancy road too. Smile

WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 08:12

Well she messaged me late last night, only saw it this morning.

She said that she doesn't see why she shouldn't contact them after I told her I was going for the job and she didn't have to tell me about it because it's none of my business.

She's absolutely 'right' on both these points, obviously, but I still think it's under the banner of 'things you don't do to a friend'.

So. There you go.

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 08:14

Oh and that my redundancy is my own problem to sort out, not hers. Again, true but bloody hell, is that what friendship is to some people?

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh · 08/03/2018 08:15

Tells you all you need to know!

KC225 · 08/03/2018 08:17

'None of your business'. So there was no 'sorry, I know I should have told you but I'm not happy in the new job'. Where do you go from here OP?

WilburIsSomePig · 08/03/2018 08:17

Absolutely shedmicehuge.

OP posts:
Antigonads · 08/03/2018 08:19

She is no friend.

Shedmicehugh · 08/03/2018 08:19

She is not a friend, wash your hands of her.

Shedmicehugh · 08/03/2018 08:22

Oh and really hope you get the job. Fingers crossed for you x

Womblewobble · 08/03/2018 08:27

Crikey overkill there from her! What a shitty response! Even if she stuck to her guns and defended her right to apply, what a nasty way to do it! After that response OP I wouldn’t be responding to any messages again as it seems she doesn’t even give a shit about your wellbeing, job application or no job application!

DingDongDenny · 08/03/2018 08:30

What a bitch. She is basically trying to steal it from under you.
She needs to look up friendship in the dictionary

MaureenNervosa · 08/03/2018 08:31

Ah well, there's no reason for you to even reply to the message after that further display of selfishness from her.
Good luck with the interview, OP.

MaudesMum · 08/03/2018 08:34

I've got a good friend in the same industry as myself, and at a couple of points we've both been looking for work at the same time. Its a small industry, so there have been occasions where we've been interested in the same roles, and we've discussed this with each other and wished each other well. There have been occasions where one of us hasn't applied following these discussions, but that has always been because, realistically, one of us hasn't been as well-suited for the role as the other (we're both very clear about each other's relative skills and experience, and they're not quite the same). Twice we've got as far as both being interviewed for the same roles. On one of those I got the job, and on the other neither of us did. She congratulated me on the first occasion, and we both commiserated with each other on the second. It is difficult to build a friendship where there might be professional rivalry, but it is possible.