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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

420 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 20:01

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 08/03/2018 08:34

That is so lame. Yeah, I get it. You're not solely entitled to a particular job application, but still... a friend doesn't do what she's done.
I couldn't imagine doing that to a friend.

CoffeAndCream · 08/03/2018 08:39

Well, she has shown her true colours with that response!!

I would be very upset if someone I considered to be a friend did that to me.

MimiSunshine · 08/03/2018 08:39

There’s son much you could reply to that message but this is the hill she is willing to let your friendship die on, so she’s not going to backtrack or apologise.
Therefore I’d just ghost her, don’t reply don’t get in touch and just do t talk about gervto any mutual friends / contacts.

If the person at work who also knows her, asks you anything about her just be none commital. Don’t tell them the friendship is over for you just be vague

Good luck with your interview

Chickoletta · 08/03/2018 08:43

Wow! This is a terrible way to behave. Whatever happens, I think this is the end of your friendship.

Good luck with the interview.

honeyroar · 08/03/2018 08:45

That's upsetting when a friend turns out not to be a friend. Will you reply or not bother?

I would love that you get the job - if you do I expect that she will expect it all to be forgotten, as though it never happened.

BakedBeans47 · 08/03/2018 08:47

I really hope you get the job OP Flowers but even if you don’t, I think remaining tight lipped about your job search is the best plan from now on x

Mix56 · 08/03/2018 08:49

This woman is not your friend.
If you do/don't get the job, she will say "no harm done"....;
Personally I would be going nowhere with her in May, or any other time.

shinysinkredemption · 08/03/2018 08:50

That's really hurtful. It's a lesson learned. If I were you I'd mention that mutual friend has told you that she's applying, and see what she says.

In future, if you're doing anything that you think is a great move (whether applying for a job or buying the perfect place), I'd make sure it's in the bag before sharing the details with anyone. It's a bit of a paranoid attitude but you never know who might talk to whom. Friendly as you are with this person, if this job is as good as you say it is she might think it's worth jeopardising your friendship for.

GayAllen · 08/03/2018 08:51

What a bitch!! Hope you get it 🤞

troodiedoo · 08/03/2018 08:52

Nasty piece of work. Sending you positive vibes for the interview.

ConciseandNice · 08/03/2018 08:53

I hope you replied ‘you’re a shameful, sorry excuse for a friend.’

shinysinkredemption · 08/03/2018 08:54

So sorry I've just read your update - that's it then! Sorry, what a terrible way to treat a friend.
I had an ex colleague 'friend' who shafted me at work a couple of times, needless to say the friendship didn't continue after we stopped working together. Consider yourself lucky she's shown her true colours, you will hopefully meet some nice new people in your next job. Good luck.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 08/03/2018 08:55

If you have the nerve, disparage her in your interview..."I worked with someone who struggled to do her work and I often had to help her out. Thankfully 'Jane' left the company in last April"

chocatoo · 08/03/2018 09:07

End of a friendship. She's a fool. I would have no more to do with her.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/03/2018 09:07

Nasty woman, she's no friend of yours.
Enjoy your interview, give it your all, you sound like a lovely person, the very best of luck ! 💐

TheVanguardSix · 08/03/2018 09:24

What a response! Nasty woman indeed!

Go out there and grab it with both hands OP!! Best of luck!

NoSquirrels · 08/03/2018 09:32

I’m sorry OP - horrible way to find out what a “friend” she is. Plenty of ways she could have replied that would have been better.

she didn't have to tell me about it because it's none of my business

And now none of your business is any concern of hers, either. Hold your head high and ignore her.

Hope the interview goes well - even if you don’t get it in the end, all interviews are valuable, you never know when the person you’re talking to will have something else etc, and practice is always good.

Good luck Flowers

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 08/03/2018 09:33

Oh dear - the best I can say is that you are well rid of her.

Good luck at the interview, I hope you absolutely walk it and I hope she falls flat on her arse!

JonnyUtah · 08/03/2018 09:36

if you have the nerve, disparage her in your interview..."I worked with someone who struggled to do her work and I often had to help her out. Thankfully 'Jane' left the company in last April"

That's terrible advice and would make the op as bitchy as her mate.

Foslady · 08/03/2018 09:38

Really hope you get the job OP - that way she’s lost a great friend and stuck in a job she hates.

Which obviously is none of your business just how unhappy she is.........

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 08/03/2018 09:38

God yes - don't disparage her (I'm sure you would have more sense anyway).

rickandmorts · 08/03/2018 09:40

Bin her off OP, she sounds awful!!

meme70 · 08/03/2018 09:42

If you were my friend I’d of said I hate my job and would you mind if I applied for the job ?

Sadly real friends wouldn’t sneak behind your back and then stab you in it.
The one thing though employers look at is how long you’ve been ina job and why you leave and your still in ties but being made redundant but she has left one job started another and is now applying for a new one

🧐

MaureenNervosa · 08/03/2018 09:44

Yes meme, and all within the space of a year.

noenergy · 08/03/2018 10:03

That's just horrid, none of ur business.

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