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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can we talk about Mothers Day flowers and whether I'm being mean

162 replies

DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 07/03/2018 10:32

I'm not a fan of Mothers Day. I don't need or want one "special" day to be shown how loved/appreciated I am - I expect that on a regular basis!

MIL, on the other hand, expects a bouquet of flowers delivered to her door on the day. We live 3 hours away and can't visit then so it usually costs about £50 for (judging by the photos MIL sends) a rather mediocre display of flowers.

WIBU to suggest DH sends her a £20 M&S voucher and asks her to treat herself?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 07/03/2018 16:47

What is it with the 'voucher' thing??

Sounds like she appreciates flowers.

She likes different gifts to what you appreciate.

rookiemere · 07/03/2018 16:51

Clearly you see gift giving in different ways. Your practical suggestion would work well with me, as after the initial ooh aren't they nice, I can't really see the point of flowers and hate the palava of having to throw them out and clean out the dirty vase. Much rather have a nice gift voucher and get what I want.

However your MIL does like flowers and she likes a big bunch to demonstrate to herself and perhaps others that her DS loves her. The cost saving methods mentioned in the thread would save say £20 - is that really worth it put against DH getting his DM the flowers he knows she likes.

Don't order them though - it is up to DH to do it.

Bluelady · 07/03/2018 16:51

I don't get this. MiL likes flowers. She doesn't like vouchers. It's just as easy to order flowers online as a voucher. It's way easier than going and buying a voucher and posting it.

Can you tell I like flowers too?

wysteriafloribunba · 07/03/2018 16:57

Gifts are not economically sound. They are purely and simply to provide pleasure for the recipient. Just send her some flowers. Less expensive ones if budget is tight. She likes flowers.

ShatnersBassoon · 07/03/2018 17:01

I don't begrudge her the flowers - just think there's a more economically sound way of purchasing nice ones i.e. M&S voucher

Grin

What says 'I thought I'd spoil you' like a thrifty present that involves the recipient doing the legwork?

We get it - you like the equivalent of cash as a present. Your MIL doesn't.

Hygge · 07/03/2018 17:01

Does anyone else you know live nearby?

Could you ask a friend or relative who lives near her to buy some flowers and drop them off?

I agree with you about the cost and standard of flowers. DH was working away and sent me a bouquet and then I got the PayPal message that said they were £51.00 Shock which I was absolutely horrified by, and they were for me, so it's not like I was begrudging the cost or the flowers to someone else.

The same flowers would have cost about £15 in the supermarket. It cost £15.00 just for the delivery bit of the flowers DH sent me.

You're right, you can get a lot more flowers that are just as nice, and for less money, if you're on the spot to buy them in person. If you're watching your finances it makes a big difference. So if there is someone local who wouldn't mind buying the flowers for you that might be a way to please everybody.

MrsMaxwell · 07/03/2018 17:04

Home Bargains deliver flowers Smile

BarbaraofSevillle · 07/03/2018 17:49

You're right, you can get a lot more flowers that are just as nice, and for less money, if you're on the spot to buy them in person. If you're watching your finances it makes a big difference. So if there is someone local who wouldn't mind buying the flowers for you that might be a way to please everybody

Exactly. Like the tulips and daffs bunch linked to upthread that are £25 'discounted' from £30. There's a tenner or so (maybe max about £13) worth of flowers in that bunch if you walked into M&S to buy them, so the price is double what they are worth for delivery and Mothers Day premium.

If you in any way need to watch what you spend, you really would be a bit dim to not think about these things once in a while.

Thedogsmells · 07/03/2018 17:57

I would find her demand, unspoken or otherwise, for a big expensive bouquet presented unreasonable tbh. If it is the thought that counts, why so bloody expensive, when you have to watch the pennies?

Out of interest, what would happen if she received a smaller bouquet, with just as much love in the sending?

Original poster
DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 07/03/2018 21:55

Out of interest, what would happen if she received a smaller bouquet, with just as much love in the sending?

We'll find out as DH has ordered a bouquet from the one of the links on this thread - thanks MNetters 😀

No "love in the sending" - it's just a hurried credit card transaction to fulfil an obligation which is why I dislike Mothers Day so much.

OP posts:
Thedogsmells · 08/03/2018 08:37
Grin
Sassydoughnut · 09/03/2018 00:08

Don't tell your DH how to treat his mother on mother's day. You expect to be shown how much people love and appreciate you on a regular basis???? 😕
No offense, but I hope my son doesn't marry someone with that attitude.

Helsingborg · 09/03/2018 03:10

Bloom & Wild do decent displays for less than interflora.

RadioGaGoo · 09/03/2018 05:58

'Some of these mums need to ask why their egos are so fragile that they need their DC to go into debt to make them feel good for an hour'

Bit of an overreaction that.

Coconutspongexo · 09/03/2018 06:06

YABU it’s not your business how your DH gifts him mother on Mother’s Day.

All these MIL threads annoy me, she was his mother long before you came into his life and if you were to ever split she will be there when you wouldn’t (providing she’s still alive)

It’s not what you prefer it’s what she prefers. Stop making it about you

toomuchtooold · 09/03/2018 06:10

I'm surprised you're getting so many negative responses. I think 50 quid is quite a lot to be spending on someone on mother's Day, specially if it's just on flowers. I think of it as more of a "card and a token gift" event. I mean 50 quid, we don't spend 50 quid on adults in the family for any present, not even birthday.

SuperBeagle · 09/03/2018 06:25

God, you sound like a nightmare. Four pages and you still haven't grasped the concept of "different strokes for different folks". You like a voucher, but that doesn't mean everyone wants a voucher. You don't like flowers, that's fine, it's not about you. You're not your DH's mother. Stay in your lane.

Snoreyhell · 09/03/2018 06:38

I don't get some of the responses here at all OP. In a marriage it is really not unusual to discuss purchases- whoever they are for. The notion that it's none of your business because it's dh's mum is frankly ridiculous.
What is also ridiculous is your mil's attitude towards Mothers' Day. Being given a gift should be enough surely. She sounds bloody childish to me. It also sounds like it's all about the performance of Mothers' Day rather than the meaning which is sad.

I shall be waking up to homemade cards and gifts on Sunday I don't doubt and I will love them because they're coming with love and thought.

Lethaldrizzle · 09/03/2018 06:43

Snoreyhell you are making the same mistake as the op. Just because you're happy with home made gifts and cards doesn't mean mil is. You are different people with different life experiences and different needs. You can't really compare.

Snoreyhell · 09/03/2018 06:53

But you don't get to select your own gifts! That's not what a gift is!!

meditrina · 09/03/2018 07:06

I think that getting someone a gift you know they'll like is important.

Assuming you want to please the recipient, that is.

The issue here seems to be an overpriced, not terribly nice bouquet. So a change of florist might be the first thing to try.

RadioGaGoo · 09/03/2018 07:06

Of course you can select your own gifts. Lots of people are asked what they want for birthdays/weddings/Christmas etc.....

Ethelswith · 09/03/2018 07:11

Do you use Ocado?

£40 minimum delivery, and for that you could get flowers (various price points) plus a bottle of fizz, nice magazine, favourite chocolate etc.

Plus a one-hour delivery slot, rather than a florist who woul't usually commit to a particular time.

GnotherGnu · 09/03/2018 07:14

How does a bunch of flowers on a specific day express that appreciation

When you know that it will give the recipient a great deal of pleasure, it expresses that appreciation. Surely that's obvious?

Original poster
DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 09/03/2018 07:14

You expect to be shown how much people love and appreciate you on a regular basis????

God yes! Isn't that how people within normal, loving families behave? It's what I hope for my DD when she has a relationship/family. It's a shame that you don't want that for your son.

OP posts: