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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can we talk about Mothers Day flowers and whether I'm being mean

162 replies

DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 07/03/2018 10:32

I'm not a fan of Mothers Day. I don't need or want one "special" day to be shown how loved/appreciated I am - I expect that on a regular basis!

MIL, on the other hand, expects a bouquet of flowers delivered to her door on the day. We live 3 hours away and can't visit then so it usually costs about £50 for (judging by the photos MIL sends) a rather mediocre display of flowers.

WIBU to suggest DH sends her a £20 M&S voucher and asks her to treat herself?

OP posts:
PinataDonk · 07/03/2018 12:09

I think £50 on a bouquet is too much especially if you're watching the pennies. The thought is just the same if you spend half that you don't need to stretch yourself to show you care about someone.

I would get a £25 bouquet from interflora and a card I'm sure she would still be very pleased.

PinataDonk · 07/03/2018 12:10

Also if you have to remind him to do it why don't you just order a more reasonable bouquet or a lovely plant. That's what I'd do.

wysteriafloribunba · 07/03/2018 12:13

You are being interfering, controlling and mean. I say that as someone who isn't bothered about getting anything myself.

'I don't need or want one "special" day to be shown how loved/appreciated I am - I expect that on a regular basis!'

MIL isn't expecting that. She doesn't get that. What she would like is some flowers on one day of the year. Hardly a big ask.

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 07/03/2018 12:13

Seriously Pinata ?

You think the OP should take over ordering MIL's flowers instead of MIL's son doing it?

CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 12:22

why does the OP have to visit her MIL and take her for lunch on Mothers Day?

she doesn't. It would be a nice gesture as opposed to let her DH go on a 6 hours return journey on his own to take his mum for lunch. I am probably too used to do things as a couple, not because we have to, but because it's easier, and we do like spend time together.

itstimeforanamechange · 07/03/2018 12:26

You are being interfering, controlling and mean

Why the personal insults? Would you say that in person? I do hope not.

OP get your DH to do Bloom & Wild. I get the "presentation" thing but it's much cheaper and it's likely the post(wo)man will knock on the door with the parcel although in theory they go through most letterboxes.

Original poster
DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 07/03/2018 12:33

Wysteria - I'll ignore your mean spirited personal attack. How do you know MIL doesn't know, on a regular basis, how loved she is? Why does a bouquet of flowers on a specific day say "I love and value you"? It doesn't.

OP posts:
ginghamstarfish · 07/03/2018 12:37

I agree OP, think £50 is far too much for flowers. Also wouldn't expect anyone to spend that on flowers for me! A thoughtful card and small gift is better I think. I do hate these 'Hallmark holidays' though, all the marketing to make us feel guilty, and piles of tat in the shops. My DH also does the flower thing and it bugs me, but it's his choice so I have to keep my feelings to myself!

Original poster
DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 07/03/2018 12:38

Thanks for links to florists - I will forward to DH.

OP posts:
CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 12:38

Why does a bouquet of flowers on a specific day say "I love and value you"? It doesn't.

It does for her, and it does for a lot of women - just read the threads on here about Mother's Day not being acknowledged.

It doesn't matter what YOU think OP< it's about your MIL here.

MysticFlyTrap · 07/03/2018 12:39

Yabu to suggest what dh must by his dm but at the same time i personally think £50 is a lot of money to spend on flowers but again it depends on your overall finances and whether you can afford this on your joint budget.
But tbf if money isn't an issue i wouldn't be telling him what to buy or spend on your mil

NotTakenUsername · 07/03/2018 12:44

Looked at the Bloom & Wild suggestion. That wouldn't work for MIL as she likes to be presented with them smile

But I f she likes to be presented with them then of course your voucher idea is unreasonable.
What are you really asking here?

JamesLaceysLover · 07/03/2018 12:48

If he wants to send flowers to his mum on Mother's day, then of course he should be able to. However, if things are a bit tight he could compromise on cost. We use Next flowers, they're always lovely, and you can send a lovely bunch of flowers or a flowering plant for less than £30.

They do postal flowers (with no delivery charge) for just £18 and they're lovely too.

BrendasUmbrella · 07/03/2018 12:49

Ah, so if the OP took people's advice and "stayed out of it", her MIL wouldn't get anything at all for Mother's Day except a harassed phone call where he tried to pretend he hadn't forgotten...

AjasLipstick · 07/03/2018 12:55

Lethal you say you don't have to do any chores on Mother's Day and so look forward to it.

But don't you think your family should help around the house ALL the time if they're capable of doing it on ONE day a year? Id be bloody offended personally if my family thought that was the way to go about things.

gryffen · 07/03/2018 13:04

Screw that.

If it's too expensive for you then don't send them. PHONE her up saying flowers will be sent but HER expectations are not realistic and be thankful she has a family to care.

Aka - stick that in her pipe and smoke it.

I have a MIL who I don't really get on with and she's delighted with a card and a pack of flowers or a dobbies voucher as she's a gardener. My mum is a card and a call from us.

Don't bend to her wishes, send her what's reasonable and tell her to be thankful.

skippy67 · 07/03/2018 14:09

Why are you getting involved? Let him decide what if anything her sends his mother for Mother's day.

CotswoldStrife · 07/03/2018 14:22

YWBmassivelyU to suggest that your DH gets a voucher instead. Your MIL likes flowers, send the flowers. A bunch of flowers on that day is a meaningful gesture to her - the recipient, who matters - and will be appreciated.

I get that you don't like flowers. Fine. But it's a bit dogmatic to expect everyone else to think the same way.

FranticallyPeaceful · 07/03/2018 14:25

She raised him and you’re begrudging him buying her flowers once a year.

Grow the fuck up.

Bringonspring · 07/03/2018 14:26

I love love love receiving flowers...because they are truly an extravagant use of money and therefore not something I would justify buying for myself.

I’m sure that’s the case also for your MIL

AuntLydia · 07/03/2018 14:29

God I wish my mil was that easy to please! Nothing anyone has ever bought her or done for her has ever been right. And yet she wouldn't be happy if you ignored an occasion like this. I'd be chuffed if all we had to do was order some flowers!

ShatnersBassoon · 07/03/2018 14:41

Why are you imagining she has an expectation for a big bouquet? She might have been very pleased with such things in previous years, but it doesn't mean she's expecting it Confused.

Unless you really can't afford to send flowers, I think you should mind your own business and let your husband buy whatever the bloody hell he likes for his mother without question. Cheap and sensible isn't the name of the game with gifts.

Lethaldrizzle · 07/03/2018 14:50

Ajaslipstick, my family do help out around the house - believe me I am no Cinderella, but birthdays and mothers day are the two days a year where I literally don't have to do anything i dont want to do , housework/chores - nothing. Just chilling. Bliss

wysteriafloribunba · 07/03/2018 14:59

Actually I would say it in person. You are interfering, and trying to control what your DH sends his mother. You are being mean. She wants flowers, you dont think she should have them. That's mean. I'm not making a personal attack. It's the facts of the situation. Maybe you can't see that, but you should.

You live 3 hours away, I can't believe she gets personal validation from her ds on a daily basis, and I'm sure she wouldn't expect it. It would be quite odd. What she does like is an annual bunch of flowers. I'd be really annoyed with my DH if he tried to control what I could and couldn't send my DM. Similarly he'd not appreciate my interfering with his choice of gift for his DM.

Original poster
DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone · 07/03/2018 16:45

I don't begrudge her the flowers - just think there's a more economically sound way of purchasing nice ones i.e. M&S voucher

OP posts: