Can we talk about Mothers Day flowers and whether I'm being mean

[DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone]

I'm not a fan of Mothers Day. I don't need or want one "special" day to be shown how loved/appreciated I am - I expect that on a regular basis!

MIL, on the other hand, expects a bouquet of flowers delivered to her door on the day. We live 3 hours away and can't visit then so it usually costs about £50 for (judging by the photos MIL sends) a rather mediocre display of flowers.

WIBU to suggest DH sends her a £20 M&S voucher and asks her to treat herself?

I think it's a bit unreasonable for you to decide what your DH does for his mum on Mother's Day (unless money is very tight and you'll struggle to pay £50).

I also think that a voucher is quite a thoughtless present if it's for someone that you know well unless they have expressed a preference for it. This is especially true if she lives 3 hours away as your DH probably can't give her the regular appreciation you said you expect yourself!

Has your husband tried bloom and wild? They post flowers through the letterbox and you would get a lovely bouquet for much less than £50.

Why don't you stay out of it and let your dh buy for his own mother?

Just because you're not a fan of mothers dsy doesn't mean other people can't be

I think of mil likes receiving flowers and your dh has always sent flowers, then he doesn’t stop doing that tbh.

The day might mean nothing to you and the flowers might be a mediocre display in your opinion but maybe as you won’t be visiting mil on the day they mean a great deal to her and I think for a lot of people vouchers are a cope out present, like I couldn’t be bothered but have £20 in vouchers even though i know you love flowers

Surely it's up to your DH what to get his mum? If you can't afford £50 then try elsewhere for flowers or a smaller bouquet.

If that’s what pleases her, that’s what DH should send.

You can send your mum what you think it know she would like.

I think its not really your business what your dh does for his Mum,, unless it is eating into family money which you can not afford.

Google a local florist and order direct

Agree with everyone else. Saying “here is your money now go buy the flowers we’re forced to pay you for” is horrible. It probably makes her so happy that her adult son still takes the time to do a nice thing for her. Why are you trying to ruin that?

Unless you're struggling financially to pay for them then you're being unreasonable.

Thanks for replies.

I don't tell DH what to do, we discuss expenditure as we need to keep a careful eye on money.

I'd prefer a voucher because I could either get some really nice flowers, or wine/food, cosmetics. On the rare occasions someone has sent me flowers, I've profusely expressed my gratitude, whilst actually thinking the money could have been better spent.

Its his mother, let him decide what to get her

It's really about what she prefers, not what you would prefer in her place. If flowers are what she likes (my mum is the same, she would always choose flowers over anything else) then that's what she should get.

I think it's ok to have a discussion with your husband if it's hard for you to afford £50, but I also think there are lots and lots of places that would do you a nice bouquet for much less. Local florist, bloom and wild etc would all be cheaper than that.

Looked at the Bloom & Wild suggestion. That wouldn't work for MIL as she likes to be presented with them

We have used local (to her) florist but it needs to be at least £50 to satisfy her expectations. I get a bunch of tulips (my favourite flower) and just think £50 on a bouquet is an abomination!

I suppose it depends what she likes. I make a point of going to places like M&S on the day after Hallmark Days to see if they are selling off anything good. I'd much rather have whatever at half price (or often better) so a £20 voucher to spend the day after would give me much more pleasure than £50 spent on mediocre flowers delivered the day before.

We've even made it into a bit of a Christmas tradition. Instead of DP spending £30 on a special Hotel Chocolat christmas selection for me that will be in the half price sale online on Christmas Day, we go out early on Boxing Day for breakfast and to buy presents in the sales (the first hour or so is actually fairly quiet). Result is we have a nice morning out together and get presents cheaper than if they'd been bought before Christmas. I'd much rather do that than spend double to go through the ritual of opening them on the actual day.

So you know that your likes and expensive bunch of flowers delivered to her.

You however think that flowers are a waste of money.

If you can't afford it then don't send them but you need to recognise that other people have different preferences.

I can't comprehend spending thousands on a Premier league season ticket but loads of people do because it gives them great pleasure.

Of course flowers can be booked bought cheaper but that's like saying it's cheaper to cook at home than go to a restaurant. They are different things

So your question really is would you be unreasonable to ask your husband to get his mother a present you know she wouldn't want rather than one you clearly know she does want?
I'm with you, i'd rather the voucher - actually if money was tight i'd rather get a homemade card but you know what she wants so yeah probably a bit unreasonable really unless you can't afford it.

You can get some really nice flowers on tesco direct for less than £50. Don't be mean to your MIL, let her enjoy a treat for mothers day from her son.

Just let DH do whatever he wants. Not really your problem (unless finances are so tight £50 is a massive sacrifice).

P.s. £50 should get a pretty decent bouquet. Tell him to try 'plants for presents' or ordering via M&S/ Waitrose. I've always found them all to be good.

Hmmm.

Cut flowers are ridiculously expensive, but if she wants to be presented with a bouquet and hopes the neighbours will twitch the curtains and see it arriving, and wants to invite her friends in for coffee so they can see it conspicuously placed and have no way to avoid politely asking who sent her such lovely flowers, then for her a voucher is massively disappointing and not fit for purpose.

It all depends why your DH / you plural are sending the flowers. To genuinely make her happy, or to tick the "sent something for mothers day" box, or a bit of both.

Yes YABU, your dh should be able to order flowers for his mother if it makes them both happy, (a different florist might make a better job of it).

MIL, on the other hand, expects a bouquet of flowers delivered to her door on the day.

So you like a voucher. A considerate gift for you would be a voucher.

MIL likes flowers. A considerate gift for her is some flowers.

How hard is that?

I’d spend much less say £25-30 from a local florist if it’s a money issue. A voucher is a thoughtless gift for any occasion unless it’s requested.

On the upside she can’t live forever.

Nice

As someone who has no Mum and no MIL this Mother’s Day I say that unless you absolutely can’t afford it then if you can make your MIL’s day with a lovely bunch of flowers then you absolutely should.

It really is a very small price to pay to show some love and appreciation of all the things a mother has done and sacrificed. All those sleepless nights, care, attention and worry through the years. It makes me sad to think my little children might grow up and resent a nice gift on Mother’s Day, really it’s the least you can do (unless there’s an awful backstory here that I’ve missed).