Can we talk about Mothers Day flowers and whether I'm being mean

[DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone]

I'm not a fan of Mothers Day. I don't need or want one "special" day to be shown how loved/appreciated I am - I expect that on a regular basis!

MIL, on the other hand, expects a bouquet of flowers delivered to her door on the day. We live 3 hours away and can't visit then so it usually costs about £50 for (judging by the photos MIL sends) a rather mediocre display of flowers.

WIBU to suggest DH sends her a £20 M&S voucher and asks her to treat herself?

YABU to dictate what MIL receives because your personal preference would be different.

However, there is enormous pressure on floristry supplies around Mother's Day and it will be worse than ever this year after the recent snow. We have had very disappointing bouquets from both Waitrose and M&S which had been clearly cobbled together from remnants and we complained. Don't be afraid to do this if the bouquet is dramatically different to the photograph on the website.

I'd prefer a voucher because I could either get some really nice flowers, or wine/food, cosmetics. On the rare occasions someone has sent me flowers, I've profusely expressed my gratitude, whilst actually thinking the money could have been better spent

But that's you, not your MIL. As you've said, she likes receiving the flowers.

Unless you're struggling to pay the bills I think you're being mean.

I think YABU. OK, you don't like flowers, but she clearly does. It's a present for her, not for you.

I can't bear "tat" and would rather have a bunch of beautiful flowers that will make me smile for a week or so, than lots of "stuff" I can keep but have no use for. I agree £50 is a lot though - if it's above your budget then she will just have to make do with a smaller bouquet. If it's within your budget and it's just that you think spending that amount on flowers is a waste - well it's not a waste if that's genuinely what she wants.

On the upside she can’t live forever.

What an utterly unpleasant thing to think let alone write.

This lady is OPs kids granny and her husbands DH. She mightn’t like Mils gift choice, but don’t go saying things like that, because it wasn’t what she meant at all.

On the upside she can’t live forever

OMG thats such a vile thing to say!

If £50 buys you a "mediocre" bunch of flowers, I'd try a different florist!

M&S are doing free delivery on Sunday, there are some nice looking bunches around the £25-30 mark.

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really is a very small price to pay to show some love and appreciation of all the things a mother has done and sacrificed. All those sleepless nights, care, attention and worry through the year

How does a bunch of flowers on a specific day express that appreciation? It's just a box ticking exercise. I wish as women - mothers and daughters - we'd call an end to such guff. I've already let my teenage daughter know I don't want flowers (or a voucher) when she's not living here anymore.

I know how much she lives me and I don't need interflora to prove it.

TSSDNCOP - thank you. You're right - I don't wish my MIL any ill and hope she's around for a long time to come.

Op may be you'll feel differently when you're older! I frickin love mothers day. I don't have to do any boring household chores. I get little pressies, taken out to lunch. It's kinda like another birthday. Can't wait to celebrate me!

As a mother I would be upset with my DC if they spent £50 on a bunch of flowers for me when I know they had a young family or were struggling financially. Some of these mums need to ask themselves why their egos are so fragile that they need their DC to go into debt to make them feel good for an hour.

I refuse to go out for a meal on MD and I don't let my DC spend any of their money on things for me. They make me cards and tell me they love me. That's enough.

It really isn't about you though is it - whether or not you like Mother's Day, whether or not you like flowers, whether or not you'd prefer a voucher.

When your DC are adults, how will you feel if you want vouchers for your birthday and they decide they know better as they don't like vouchers and send you flowers instead? You might not like birthdays either, but you do presumably like receiving the occasional gift and find it more meaningful if the people you love put some thought into thinking about what YOU want, not what they think you SHOULD want.

I choose my DM's mother's day gift - I appreciate and adore her every day of the year but there's nothing wrong at all with a particular day to take a second and remind her how amazing she is - and I'd be having words with DH if he presumed to tell me how much to spend or what to get.

Same applies to father's day. They're my parents, it's my call.

Turning this into some sort of self righteous cool wife rant about occasions and how much better you are than observing them, when really you just begrudge your DH spending money on his Mum, is daft.

But it's not necessarily the florist, it's the price you pay for buying flowers, to be delivered, on one of the days of peak demand, at a time of year when they have to be imported and is probably not a good time season/weather wise anyway.

The OP is right to question the value of making such a purchase. If the MIL realised how expensive these not very impressive flowers were, she might be horrified at the poor value for money.

I frickin love mothers day. I don't have to do any boring household chores. I get little pressies, taken out to lunch. It's kinda like another birthday

But why limit that sort of thing to only a few days a year? Why not go out for lunch, buy flowers and have a day off from 'boring household chores' on any day you like, rather than because the calendar and big business is telling people to?

If you're not paying well over the odds because the entire country is trying to do the same thing on the same day, you can afford to do this sort of thing much more often and usually get a better quality result.

Bit late this year, but you could try to arrange for DH and you to be free and go and visit her next Mother's day - with a cheap bunch of flowers from your supermarket but an invitation for a pub lunch.

you don't have to like mother's day, but you are very unreasonable to expect a son - your DH - and his mum to be the same.

Meh.

She’s clearly raised a thoughtful son and for that alone you should express some thanks. Get he the flowers and stop moaning

I love getting flowers and I'd be a little bit sad if on the two occasions a year I get sent some (valentines day and mothers day) they did not arrive. I photograph mine and use the picture as a screen save which extends my enjoyment for a long time. These days the quality of flowers seems to be much better so yes, YWBU to ask DH to send a voucher when flowers go down so well with your MiL

'I'm not a fan of Mothers Day.'

She is though

So let him get on with it

Barbara I think lunch costs the same whatever day of the year! . And yes I do have lots of lunches out anyway but I'm afraid you ain't gonna convince me about the futility of mothers day and not sure why you would want to anyway!.Live and let live

Accidental - how do you know it isn't DH's dad who was resoonsible for DH's kind nature? Don't know about thoughtful - it's me who reminds him it's Mother's Day and he needs to order the bleeding flowers

I'd say get her the flowers if they make her happy, but try and find a cheaper version. Or how about a flowering plant? My DM turns her nose up at so many gifts my DSis and I have given her, I'm at the point of giving her a card and a smile (she would be very put out!) My DM would prefer a voucher, but MIL would prefer flowers ... everyone is different. I know that some people say vouchers are thoughtless, but my DM thinks flowers are thoughtless!

If flowers are the gift she wants then flowers are the gift she should get. It's clearly not a box ticking exercise for MIL.

Try www.bunches.co.uk OP - lovely flowers, hand delivered, not expensive and some even come with cake / chocolate / gin

Cavoli why does the OP have to visit her MIL and take her for lunch on Mothers Day? Why does the OP have to arrange it? Surely that is down to her DH to do or not do!

My MIL used to expect that - she was overall a lovely woman but her expectation around mothers day involved everyone dancing attendance on her and driving the grandchildren there. The fact I am also a mother and might not want to spend my day that way (getting the kids up early, clean and nicely dressed and breakfasted and packed into the car with flowers to give her, and then driving to the in-laws, hanging about there before driving to a restaurant, then driving back to the in-laws to hang about more ...spending ten hours with the in-laws before driving the kids home and doing bedtime ready for school in the morning) was never to be mentioned.

In the end I got cross (with DH not directly with MIL) and pointed out the blindingly obvious - that if mother's day was being "observed" as a day to appreciate mothers, and what I wanted was a lie in, not presents or a long day of driving about and small talk and wrangling the kids at a restaurant etc) then why was that less important than his mother wanting us to do all that stuff. Her wishes for the day totally overruled mine in every single way.

In the end he took the kids to her and I stayed at home and had the day to myself, although the kids from about 5 or so started bringing me "breakfast in bed" which they enjoyed and was sweet at 5am-

My mother is just the same as MIL was - when she was a young mother she never visited her mother or sent her flowers on mothers day, just phoned, and she had high expectations of presents and cards and would in fact cry if these didn't meet her expectations. As a mother of adults and grandmother she continued to expect mothers day to be about her, and expected her daughters not to mention the fact they were mothers too, but to behave as if she was also solely responsible for the existence of her grandchildren, and buy her presents, cook her meals etc.

It is an odd phenomenon and I don't know whether its that the generation both our mothers belong/ed to was the one which first really bought into the commercial mothers day in a big way and so felt it belonged to them, or just personalities...

How does a bunch of flowers on a specific day express that appreciation? It's just a box ticking exercise. I wish as women - mothers and daughters - we'd call an end to such guff

Cant you see not everyone thinks like you though? I dont think its "guff" at all. I dont need flowers to know my boys love me or to feel appreciated but its just nice. Plus my youngest 2 love doing it to.