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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What DH wears at home

182 replies

BabsPym1 · 07/03/2018 06:35

DH is a fab dad and a v good husband. I love him a lot.

But we're also a long time wed and you know, the attraction side of things needs caring for after a long time with someone.

DH and I work at home a lot. He has these comfy home clothes - in particular an old, faded, shabby, pair of grey comfies that he often wears with a matching top/hoody.

I can't bear them.They are so revoltingly shabby. I can't bear looking at them. It's a complete turn-off. I realise it sounds shallow, and I'm sure I'll get completely slagged off for all this, but is it unreasonable to expect him to make just a bit of an effort around me? To make me find him desirable? He has a very limited wardrobe, has little interest in cloithes - which i knew and I'm fine with - but honestly, the home stuff is awful. I was away for a few days and got home and he greeted me with flowers in a vase (lovely, I know) but wearing this ...

I have said to him that they are ready for the bin. He laughs it off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 07/03/2018 10:22

Take the most unflattering photo of him in this outfit and put it on his laptop, phone, iPad, etc as wallpaper, screensaver, everything. When he asks why, ask him how he feels about looking like that.

Seriously? Can you just imagine if it was guy you were suggesting do that to his wife Hmm

Married3Children · 07/03/2018 10:25

I'm sure I'll get completely slagged off for all this
Well, your prediction came true

Well actually the OP clearkybstates she knows she can’t tell him what to wear but that what’s she wanted was to explore why she is felling that way.

OP I think AIBU was the wrong place to start a tread like this. Relationship or chat would have been a better idea.

BumDisease · 07/03/2018 10:29

Jesus Christ. If this were man posting this about his wife he'd be crucified.

ravenmum · 07/03/2018 10:30

I know what the OP's intention was, but nonetheless her predition came true!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 07/03/2018 10:32

I couldn't give a shiny shit what DH wears. YABU.

jaseyraex · 07/03/2018 10:35

Does he really have to look "desirable" to you at all times? That's ridiculous. If the clothes are ready for falling apart then perhaps suggest you both go shopping for some new loungewear but absolutely don't bin them or accidentally on purpose ruin them in a boil wash, that's horrible advice! But he'll probably buy the same style of clothes and will probably still be wearing them when they're ready for the bin, that's obviously what he likes and he shouldn't have to change that for you. Do you look desirable all the time for him? Probably not.

AthenasOwl · 07/03/2018 10:36

What's really come across on this thread is that a lot of people think is acceptable to throw out or deliberately ruin their partners belongings or even worse shame them for how they look by taking photos and putting them on display..seriously ..if it was men talking like this they'd be skinned alive on here.

AthenasOwl · 07/03/2018 10:36

And rightly so!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 07/03/2018 10:37

What if a man did that to a woman because he wanted her only to wear stuff he found attractive- everyone would be suggesting she kicks him out

This.

The comments 'take him shopping to buy something more attractive' are amazing. I can only imagine this thread in reverse.

I wouldn't give a shit personally, OP, but if you do, just say something. Or don't.

It's home. It's where we get to wear what we want, away from the pressures of looking a certain way.

exWifebeginsat40 · 07/03/2018 10:40

god, i live in my grubs. i’m disabled and a basket case and rarely leave the house.

as a rule of thumb, when Pointless starts it’s time to change from daytime grubs to evening ones. like dressing for dinner, except i don’t have dinner. i am, i think you’ll agree, quite the catch.

SlothMama · 07/03/2018 10:40

If my partner threw away my comfy clothes I'd hit the roof, if it bothers you so much OP take him shopping for new clothes. But don't throw his stuff away.

IllustriouslyIllogical · 07/03/2018 10:40

Christ, I'm sat here WFH in my favourite "Chavsuit bottoms", they've got oilstains on them that won't come out in the wash. I've got a manky, comfy, top on & my furry slippers.

I'm comfortable, doing my job & happy. I'm in my house - the only place in the world I can truly chill out & not care what people think!

If I go outside or with my OH I'll look more presentable of course, but please allow me my oasis of slobbishness.......

Oblomov18 · 07/03/2018 10:50

" i am, i think you’ll agree, quite the catch." Grin

Anyone telling me: to NOT slob around in my comfy gear, could fxxk right off, with Christian Grey and his controlling ways!!

Oly5 · 07/03/2018 10:59

I’m with you OP, what DH wears IS important to my fancying levels. I tell mine it affects how much I’m up for it and guess what, the paint-stained stuff magically disappears. It helps that I tend to buy Dh’s new clothes as he has no interest and is happy for me to

mollied · 07/03/2018 11:03

Take him with you and buy new clothes you can't throw his away or get to upset about him wearing them I would be livid if in my own home I couldn't get comfy cz my bf wasn't happy id tell him to do one!

WonderLime · 07/03/2018 11:14

I don't understand the roasting OP is getting and I completely understand it.

There's a huge difference to wearing comfy clothing in good condition compared to tatty, threadbare, misshapen comfies. There's also a huge difference between coming home and putting on your comfies and living in them every day, all day.

And people asking OP if she's always made up 24/7 - there is a middle ground of wearing tidy comfies or other casual clothing. It's not one extreme to the other.

I do agree it's not about the clothes though. Its still important to make an effort for your partner - it doesn't mean every day and a well fitted tshirt and a fresh pair of jeans or joggers may be enough.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 07/03/2018 11:31

I buy his clothes (with minimal consultation), make his hair appointments and make sure he looks decent for work and going out in public.

Are you his mother? Because that's what some mothers' do.

Raven88 · 07/03/2018 11:36

My grandpa is similar he has a set of clothes that are probably older than me. My granny gets cross when he won't change out his old clothes.

Why not buy him a similar set of comfys and see if he starts to wear them. Or you could wash them and they have an unfortunate accident in the washing machine. Say you left a belt in and it tore massive holes in them.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 07/03/2018 11:42

I buy his clothes (with minimal consultation), make his hair appointments and make sure he looks decent for work and going out in public.

Why? Is he four? Are you his mother? Good God!

Cmagic7 · 07/03/2018 11:47

Hmm... I know many men (Dad's/ husbands) that tend to wear the same clothes for years, just because 'if it aint broke, don't fix it'. However, when being given something new, they really enjoy wearing it and feel better about themselves. If I were you, I'd find an excuse to order yourself something online (e.g. asos) and chuck some nice new casual clothes for him into the basket. When they arrive, you can just get him to try them on and pick which he likes and which could be sent back.

Chienrouge · 07/03/2018 11:50

Why? Is he four? Are you his mother? Good God!

Even my 4 year old is able to put a respectable looking outfit together for various occasions!

hotcrossbunsandtea · 07/03/2018 11:52

Even my 4 year old is able to put a respectable looking outfit together for various occasions!

Grin
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 07/03/2018 11:56

I'm not his mother Grin I'm sure he'd manage if I didn't bother (and he doesn't actually expect me to do it), it's just that the results might be interesting and stuff would go longer before being replaced than is acceptable ideal.

It's his one area of incompetence. I can put up with that, especially when I read about the women on here who can't go out for a few hours without leaving precise instructions for their dh, or come back to half-feral, unfed, undressed, unexercised kids and their dh on the Xbox, or whose dh makes it difficult for them to go out and socialise, or forgets their birthday, or whose dh 'can't' cook, etc. etc. I'm sure all of those dhs buy their own clothes, but I'd rather have mine :)

ofshoes · 07/03/2018 11:56

My wife lives in her comfy fleece jammies when she's at home. I'm totally going to accidentally boil wash them so I can throw them in the bin and replace them with sexy outfits that I find visually appealing.

She'd probably be well within her rights to throw all my clothes out too (into the front garden after she'd changed the locks)

KittenBeast · 07/03/2018 12:01

I prefer my OH's hideous old joggers, I can see his knob more clearly.