Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What DH wears at home

182 replies

BabsPym1 · 07/03/2018 06:35

DH is a fab dad and a v good husband. I love him a lot.

But we're also a long time wed and you know, the attraction side of things needs caring for after a long time with someone.

DH and I work at home a lot. He has these comfy home clothes - in particular an old, faded, shabby, pair of grey comfies that he often wears with a matching top/hoody.

I can't bear them.They are so revoltingly shabby. I can't bear looking at them. It's a complete turn-off. I realise it sounds shallow, and I'm sure I'll get completely slagged off for all this, but is it unreasonable to expect him to make just a bit of an effort around me? To make me find him desirable? He has a very limited wardrobe, has little interest in cloithes - which i knew and I'm fine with - but honestly, the home stuff is awful. I was away for a few days and got home and he greeted me with flowers in a vase (lovely, I know) but wearing this ...

I have said to him that they are ready for the bin. He laughs it off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AthenasOwl · 07/03/2018 07:43

Do not throw out his stuff. My horrible ex used to do this to me ..my clothes, make up, household ornaments would just disappear. Turned out he was getting rid of them just coz he didn't like them.
My husband wears similar round the house but I don't care coz I'm usually sat in my leggings and big cardi looking less than sexy!

Lovemusic33 · 07/03/2018 07:43

I don’t think it matters what he wears at home, I would be happy to have a mad wearing old lounge wear around the house (actually a man wearing anything would be nice, or nothing). If you love some one you should fancy them what ever they are wearing. I wear PJ’s or a onesie whilst at home during the day, it’s comfortable and this time of year it’s warm and cosy.

RaspberryF00l · 07/03/2018 07:46

I don't think it's about wanting your man to look hot. It's about your partner valuing your opinion of him, and not wanting you to be actively turned off.

This is so true. XH didn't value himself or me.

RaspberryF00l · 07/03/2018 07:48

If you love some one you should fancy them what ever they are wearing.

There's no 'should' about it - the OP is entitled to her feelings.

That's like 'if you love me you should have sex with me'.

StrangeLookingParasite · 07/03/2018 07:49

My other half lives in onesies at home. The worst is a bloody monkey one.

OMG

CircleofWillis · 07/03/2018 07:53

I agree that it is not about your partner looking hot. As OP and her husband work from home this is ALL she is seeing. My DH has a Steptoe and Son aura about him at times.
My DH was especially like this about his pyjamas and used to wear pairs his mum bought him as a teenager to bed. Seeing the saggy bottoms and frayed top tucked into y-fronts did put me off sex. He looked like a 5 year old boy.
We compromised with me buying him new pyjamas for date night. Nothing slinky just cotton practical sets. He gradually moved over from his ancient pairs and now wears the clean fresh sets every night.

LakieLady · 07/03/2018 07:54

My DH lives in trackies when we are at home, I basically live in my pyjamas. We still fancy each other.

Same here! DP seems to find my pyjamas rather attractive, I think it's to do with ease of access. We'd certainly have a lot less sex if he had to contend with zips, tights and stuff. And his perfect butt looks just as lovely in his shabby joggers as in jeans or a suit.

Blackteadrinker77 · 07/03/2018 07:54

I'd still fancy my husband if he wore a bin bag.

I don't think it is about his clothes op.

I also don't like the fact people are saying to get rid of his clothes. You have no right to do that.

clippityclock · 07/03/2018 07:54

Jesus all these people saying throw his clothes WTF!! How bloody controlling. He is in his own home, HIS OWN HOME! He should be able to wear what he likes.

If I was with someone who threw out my comfy clothes, I'd be furious. If they are so shallow that they can't allow me to be wearing y comfy clothes then quite frankly they can fuck off!

I think there is a lot more going on here than a comfy, worn tracksuit.

Original poster
BabsPym1 · 07/03/2018 07:56

I do fancy my husband. We have really good sex and we're intimate.

I just would like him not to wear the falling-apart-comfies he wears at home. I'm not trying to change him. I'm not trying to make him less comfortable at home. I have no intention of throwing away his clothes.

I am exploring how I feel about this/my feelings towards this. I've said I know it sounds shallow.

But my god, there are so many judgypants on here!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 07:57

I'd agree on the onesies.sorry I couldn't be doing with that.

As for the "should"fancy him, that's daft. As a pp said, there is no should about it. I don't fancy my husband when he looks like shit. Old oversized clothes and in need of a shave. I'm sure he feels the same about me. Appearance has a lot to do with fancying someone, no matter how much you love them.

It's the same old tired line that's trotted out about weight gain. That your partner should fancy you whatever. It's nonsense. Love and attraction can be very seperate things.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 07:58

But my god, there are so many judgypants on here!

Well that's a bit rich based on your judgement of your own husband. Very ironic and lacking in self awareness.

And what about the question of you and how you dress at home?

Mrsmadevans · 07/03/2018 07:59

He sounds wonderful .
OP you are so lucky to have what you have together . I don't know what has happened to upset your thinking but imho it is you, not him who has the problem.

beasternunny · 07/03/2018 08:00

A boil wash might solve your problem. He'd have to have them replaced then. And what nicer way to be a good wife than to offer to help him choose?

NellieDavie · 07/03/2018 08:00

I'm in a similar situation to you OP. We are both at home all day most days, and my OH has taken to wearing £5 joggers that are a little bit too short for him and have a bleach stain down one leg ALL THE TIME, paired with slippers and quite often a synthetic sweatshirt that makes him look like a 1970s PE teacher (not in a good way). He's a little bit older than me, and has started to resemble our elderly neighbour a bit too much in style and personality. He's never been a big spender clothes (get clothes from Tescos, charity shop etc) but I've always 'fancied' him. He also knows it's not a good look as he'll get changed even to take the bins out, but it's the sight I'm treated to all day every day...!

frasier · 07/03/2018 08:03

I wouldn't throw someone else's clothes away. I would be furious if someone did that to me. However, you could buy something new as a gift. My DH would just wear whatever was easiest, I'd just have to leave them in a place where he saw them lol! Try that.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 07/03/2018 08:03

A boil wash might solve your problem. He'd have to have them replaced then.

Jesus. Imagine if a woman came on here and said her husband had deliberately destroyed her favourite pyjamas because he didn't like them!

Beetlebum1981 · 07/03/2018 08:04

'Accidental' hot wash? I'm adept at doing this to DH's jumpers - true accidents, he just buys bloody expensive/stupid wash ones and I always forget and bung them in with everything else. They're usually the right size for DD age 2 when they come out 🙈

earlgreymarl · 07/03/2018 08:07

Ha ha Nellie yes the elderly neighbour, you know how you see oddballs and wonder how they slip into that, that's what I've thought on occasion anyway!

Sarahh2014 · 07/03/2018 08:07

My ds wears lounge shorts at home but I think they're on the shabby side so I've bought him 2 new nicer pairs as part of his birthday present.Im hoping he'll gradually phase the old ones out 🙄

phoebemac · 07/03/2018 08:09

OP, this would drive me mad, but some men as they get older seem to not care much about how they look. There's not much you can do. Maybe buy him something new for comfy house wear and leave it up to him whether he wants to wear them.

But, you know, you've been a long time wed yet he still buys you flowers when you've been away. That's something very good, right there.

jazzandh · 07/03/2018 08:09

Does he have a choice of other comfortable clothes to wear?

Like a pp suggested my DH wouldn't go out of his way to buy new "indoor" clothes, but is happy to wear them if they are to hand. Lots of choice available.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 07/03/2018 08:10

But my god, there are so many judgypants on here!

And they're super comfy judgypants Grin

Married3Children · 07/03/2018 08:10

By any chance is your issue not so much about clothes but about keeping the attraction alive. To be seen as making an effort for each other like when you first met?

I get the feeling that you’ve zoned in those shabby clothes but it’s more about him never making an ‘effort’ to win you over iyswim. Not having that time where you are there just for each other rather than bubbling along side each other.

I would leave the clothes out and have a chat with him about ‘keeping the passion and interest alive’, not getting bored in the relationships.
You are saying that you are not really going out. So what about you do take the time to do so? Or have a night out at home where everyone is a king a bit more of an effort, engage in conversation etc?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/03/2018 08:15

I've been wearing a pair of DPs old trackies and one of his sports hoodies when I've got home from the gym for quite some time now - it's a pain in the ass to get dressed again after work and this is easy and warm.

He's never said anything; if he's unhappy. I probably don't look as good as I would if I came home and put jeans on; or a nice dress; and redid my make up. Still; we are able to sit and chat and spend time together; and I still love him when he's in trackies - he's just as sexy.

Don't destroy the tracksuit. It's beyond controlling. Is this really about the clothes; or is it more that you don't feel he ever makes an effort? It could be either; but it's worth making sure that you're trying to solve the right problem.